Oh, how I adored this fic! It hurt, it really did, but in all the best ways. I had so much trouble picking a favorite this week. There were four I absolutely loved. And this was one of them.
In so few words (because anything under 1,000 words is short), I had such a fantastic feel for this story. You did a fabulous job.
The hospital scene was vivid and alive. I felt like I was there, crying over our dear older brother!
The emotion was incredible and moving.
I resorted to nothing more than grammar in the end, because the stories were fantastic! Please don't feel like I am being negative, I don't mean that at all. I thought this was an absolutely marvelous story
Thank you! I'm glad the emotion came through, especially in the hospital scene. It's hard to pick one story out of all the ones submitted, so I'm glad mine made your top four.
Do you mind telling me what the problem you had with the grammar was? If I'm doing something wrong, I'd like to correct it. If you don't want to do it here, could you PM me? I'd really appreciate it!
Oh, I don't mind at all. And if I am wrong, please feel free to let me know what you think. I am never offended. :)
And please believe me when I say that the grammatical errors are minor. I just needed to figure out something to separate what I thought were incredibly imaginative, well-written stories.
but that that instant after--(that twice)
sweetheart so just reap me(comma after sweetheart)
I walked right out of it.’ (" instead of ')
These are all such minor issues. The story itself was incredibly powerful. Even more so when I reread it, looking for these infinitesimal errors. Making a decision is even more difficult when I read through a story again. There is so much emotion and depth in this story. I don't know how to create that in so few words, but you did it beautifully!
And on top of it all, your characterization was fantastic. I want to add a few comments about what I found so incredibly moving and powerful:
His breaths become fewer and harder until they stop completely and there will, blessedly, be no
( ... )
Thanks again! And thanks for pointing out the errors so I can go in and fix them. And I must say I'm glad you used grammar and errors to choose your best story even though it didn't work out in my favor. The fact that last week's winner used the word loose instead of lose twice and still won for best written story bothers me a lot. That was the only factor that prevented me from voting for it, so I understand where you're coming from here.
Also thanks for pointing out the things that you really liked, it helps to know what worked.
I understand your frustration about grammar in previous selections. It is such a difficult decision each week, and while it is all in fun, I do try to be honest and true.
I have been frustrated a bit by negative votes for stories I found absolutely amazing, and vice versa, of course.
My most important point here, believe it or not (because I simply can't manage much under 10,000 words!), is that your story was wonderful. It gets better every time I read it. And, believe it or not, it was meaningful enough to make me read it out loud to my 16-year-old daughter. :D
In so few words (because anything under 1,000 words is short), I had such a fantastic feel for this story. You did a fabulous job.
The hospital scene was vivid and alive. I felt like I was there, crying over our dear older brother!
The emotion was incredible and moving.
I resorted to nothing more than grammar in the end, because the stories were fantastic! Please don't feel like I am being negative, I don't mean that at all. I thought this was an absolutely marvelous story
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Do you mind telling me what the problem you had with the grammar was? If I'm doing something wrong, I'd like to correct it. If you don't want to do it here, could you PM me? I'd really appreciate it!
Reply
And please believe me when I say that the grammatical errors are minor. I just needed to figure out something to separate what I thought were incredibly imaginative, well-written stories.
but that that instant after--(that twice)
sweetheart so just reap me(comma after sweetheart)
I walked right out of it.’ (" instead of ')
These are all such minor issues. The story itself was incredibly powerful. Even more so when I reread it, looking for these infinitesimal errors. Making a decision is even more difficult when I read through a story again. There is so much emotion and depth in this story. I don't know how to create that in so few words, but you did it beautifully!
And on top of it all, your characterization was fantastic. I want to add a few comments about what I found so incredibly moving and powerful:
His breaths become fewer and harder until they stop completely and there will, blessedly, be no ( ... )
Reply
Also thanks for pointing out the things that you really liked, it helps to know what worked.
Reply
I have been frustrated a bit by negative votes for stories I found absolutely amazing, and vice versa, of course.
My most important point here, believe it or not (because I simply can't manage much under 10,000 words!), is that your story was wonderful. It gets better every time I read it. And, believe it or not, it was meaningful enough to make me read it out loud to my 16-year-old daughter. :D
Take care.
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