Oh, I don't mind at all. And if I am wrong, please feel free to let me know what you think. I am never offended. :)
And please believe me when I say that the grammatical errors are minor. I just needed to figure out something to separate what I thought were incredibly imaginative, well-written stories.
but that that instant after--(that twice)
sweetheart so just reap me(comma after sweetheart)
I walked right out of it.’ (" instead of ')
These are all such minor issues. The story itself was incredibly powerful. Even more so when I reread it, looking for these infinitesimal errors. Making a decision is even more difficult when I read through a story again. There is so much emotion and depth in this story. I don't know how to create that in so few words, but you did it beautifully!
And on top of it all, your characterization was fantastic. I want to add a few comments about what I found so incredibly moving and powerful:
His breaths become fewer and harder until they stop completely and there will, blessedly, be no return for him this time.
He’d mourned her, still wrecked from mourning Sam and when the cancer began to eat away at him a few years later, he couldn’t bring himself to care
You had fantastic imagery and examples. I never felt like you were "telling" me anything. I felt like you were "showing" me how it all played out.
Thanks again! And thanks for pointing out the errors so I can go in and fix them. And I must say I'm glad you used grammar and errors to choose your best story even though it didn't work out in my favor. The fact that last week's winner used the word loose instead of lose twice and still won for best written story bothers me a lot. That was the only factor that prevented me from voting for it, so I understand where you're coming from here.
Also thanks for pointing out the things that you really liked, it helps to know what worked.
I understand your frustration about grammar in previous selections. It is such a difficult decision each week, and while it is all in fun, I do try to be honest and true.
I have been frustrated a bit by negative votes for stories I found absolutely amazing, and vice versa, of course.
My most important point here, believe it or not (because I simply can't manage much under 10,000 words!), is that your story was wonderful. It gets better every time I read it. And, believe it or not, it was meaningful enough to make me read it out loud to my 16-year-old daughter. :D
And please believe me when I say that the grammatical errors are minor. I just needed to figure out something to separate what I thought were incredibly imaginative, well-written stories.
but that that instant after--(that twice)
sweetheart so just reap me(comma after sweetheart)
I walked right out of it.’ (" instead of ')
These are all such minor issues. The story itself was incredibly powerful. Even more so when I reread it, looking for these infinitesimal errors. Making a decision is even more difficult when I read through a story again. There is so much emotion and depth in this story. I don't know how to create that in so few words, but you did it beautifully!
And on top of it all, your characterization was fantastic. I want to add a few comments about what I found so incredibly moving and powerful:
His breaths become fewer and harder until they stop completely and there will, blessedly, be no return for him this time.
He’d mourned her, still wrecked from mourning Sam and when the cancer began to eat away at him a few years later, he couldn’t bring himself to care
You had fantastic imagery and examples. I never felt like you were "telling" me anything. I felt like you were "showing" me how it all played out.
It is better and better every time I read it.
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Also thanks for pointing out the things that you really liked, it helps to know what worked.
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I have been frustrated a bit by negative votes for stories I found absolutely amazing, and vice versa, of course.
My most important point here, believe it or not (because I simply can't manage much under 10,000 words!), is that your story was wonderful. It gets better every time I read it. And, believe it or not, it was meaningful enough to make me read it out loud to my 16-year-old daughter. :D
Take care.
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