fannish confessions
All the new Marvel stuff just depresses me right now. So do all the fic exchanges.
I'm just not excited about fannish stuff anymore, and even if I am, I can't find people to be excited about the same stuff. I feel like the weird kid whom nobody actually likes but who everyone is too Nerd Fallacious to actually tell to fuck off.
I feel like it would help to have a viewing buddy if I was going to watch anything. And I'd really have to be forced to watch most things, too. Last year I almost started watching Stumptown with someone, except she had depression and sleep issues and our schedules never lined up and then I got a job. I'd like to watch Bridgerton - hell, I even bought Netflix again. But the prospect of actually lining up an episode and pressing play and sitting through the entirety of the show?
No, I can't. IDK. Is fannish trauma a thing? Attaching to character that other people couldn't care less about and then feeling frustrated that nobody else either attaches or is actually interested in being excited about them? Or else being second fiddle, because they're more excited about The Popular Character and of course there's plenty of people for them to squee with and really, I'm cold tea at best.
Still trying to write. Still feeling like a failure. Twenty somethings around me dash off novels in the blink of an eye. They may very well be crap, but at least they're finishing and publishing, and they're learning writing along the way.
DW is cheaper than therapy.
I'm just not excited about fannish stuff anymore, and even if I am, I can't find people to be excited about the same stuff. I feel like the weird kid whom nobody actually likes but who everyone is too Nerd Fallacious to actually tell to fuck off.
I feel like it would help to have a viewing buddy if I was going to watch anything. And I'd really have to be forced to watch most things, too. Last year I almost started watching Stumptown with someone, except she had depression and sleep issues and our schedules never lined up and then I got a job. I'd like to watch Bridgerton - hell, I even bought Netflix again. But the prospect of actually lining up an episode and pressing play and sitting through the entirety of the show?
No, I can't. IDK. Is fannish trauma a thing? Attaching to character that other people couldn't care less about and then feeling frustrated that nobody else either attaches or is actually interested in being excited about them? Or else being second fiddle, because they're more excited about The Popular Character and of course there's plenty of people for them to squee with and really, I'm cold tea at best.
Still trying to write. Still feeling like a failure. Twenty somethings around me dash off novels in the blink of an eye. They may very well be crap, but at least they're finishing and publishing, and they're learning writing along the way.
DW is cheaper than therapy.