I'm ready, depression
I can't begin to describe my disapointment. Today the callback for Rocky Horror came... and they went.. I thought i did so damn well. But i wan't as good as i thought. I feel so whiny because i feel like i could die. Not simply because i didn't get it, but because i got so close. AND I THOUGHT I HAD IT. I poured my everything into it. It makes me feel worse when people all come running up saying, oh my gosh we totally thought you had it, or things along those lines. I just feel embarrassed because so did i. I am being mopey but it hurt because i poured my heart out during OCG and he seemed to not be able to get his shit together and yet he got it. I wish more than ever i had that friend to be at my side. I started to break down when i got away from people, i cried so hard. I never felt so weak and alone. And the thoughts only made me feel more weak. I wish i could have done something, ANYTHING to make it go away. I wanted that person, any person to hold me. But no one was there for me in the way i needed. Oh well, it all comes down to me being a whiny bitch. But i just damn near snapped tonight. I refuse to let myself become that mopey guy. I am going to try to make my come back. I will show that i am better than the one chosen. That is my goal because as Nate so trying to make me feel better puts it "Come on, he is one that is destined to fuck up, and then you will be there. I mean did you see OCG understudy run" It made me feel better, but i know it wont' happen. Good bye Senior Project. I want to go into seclusion, and never come out. I need someone to hold me while i cry in their arms more than ever. Please....