Lessons Learned
I'm still here in New York, and I've had some time to do lots of thinking about things. Good things, bad things, profound things and frivilous things. It's funny that I've had time to mull things over while I've been here--I have been very busy--but I think the detachment from both Kansas City and Des Moines has allowed for some greater clarity. I've been out of my standard circle of friends and activities, so with that comes a different way of thinking about things.
Things I've realized:
1. Building friendships because of convenience (i.e. high school) means those friends will only be friends when it's convenient. Now I'm not only pointing fingers in this case. I'm a culprit here, too, but convenient friends suck. In high school, you're friends with people because you have to be. There is no one else, especially in a school of only 600 students. There aren't many options. Therefore, you find those who are as closely like you as possible and latch. Unfortunately, I tried to make those work after high school when I was going in a hugely different direction than my friends. Lesson learned: Stop trying to make things work when it's not meant to be.
2. Problems/drama are never only my fault. Many times, I have ended up feeling like the bad person in a situation because certain people would make me feel that way. And this is simple, but a conflict always has two sides and many other factors which affect the problem. Lesson learned: Don't burden myself with all the blame in two-sided situations.
3. I should not feel bad because I went away to school and have made decisions that have propelled me elsewhere in my life. Even when a former close friend claims that I act better than them, I will not feel bad. Just because I went to a private school, have a nice apartment and live a generally decebt life, that does not mean I look down on your life. In short, I've realized that friends who said this were really just dissatisfied with their own life and turned their hatred onto me. Not going to happen again. And no, I'm not going to tell you more about my life because you always feel bad about it, regardless of whether or not I'm really bragging. Lesson learned: You make your own life decisions, and it's your decision to feel good or not good about them. I have nothing to do with that.
4. Friends who blame their happiness/unhappiness on you aren't your friends. I hope to God that I don't have that much power, and there's no way I possibly could. I don't control whether you are happy with your life--that's a personal thing. I've had friends who claimed they were unhappy because I was or wasn't their friend. That's bullshit. You are the person who controls your happiness, not I. I'm sick of being blamed as a source of unhappiness in people's lives when they're really just unhappy with other aspects of their life. Lesson learned: Suck it up and blame what's really at fault.
Whew, that feels good. I know this is all high school-ish and drama-ed out, but I just had to do this to finish everything. Goodbye, bad feelings.
Take what you will from these. These are not directed at any one person, but those who feel they apply to their selves, that's a personal problem. Not mine.
Things I've realized:
1. Building friendships because of convenience (i.e. high school) means those friends will only be friends when it's convenient. Now I'm not only pointing fingers in this case. I'm a culprit here, too, but convenient friends suck. In high school, you're friends with people because you have to be. There is no one else, especially in a school of only 600 students. There aren't many options. Therefore, you find those who are as closely like you as possible and latch. Unfortunately, I tried to make those work after high school when I was going in a hugely different direction than my friends. Lesson learned: Stop trying to make things work when it's not meant to be.
2. Problems/drama are never only my fault. Many times, I have ended up feeling like the bad person in a situation because certain people would make me feel that way. And this is simple, but a conflict always has two sides and many other factors which affect the problem. Lesson learned: Don't burden myself with all the blame in two-sided situations.
3. I should not feel bad because I went away to school and have made decisions that have propelled me elsewhere in my life. Even when a former close friend claims that I act better than them, I will not feel bad. Just because I went to a private school, have a nice apartment and live a generally decebt life, that does not mean I look down on your life. In short, I've realized that friends who said this were really just dissatisfied with their own life and turned their hatred onto me. Not going to happen again. And no, I'm not going to tell you more about my life because you always feel bad about it, regardless of whether or not I'm really bragging. Lesson learned: You make your own life decisions, and it's your decision to feel good or not good about them. I have nothing to do with that.
4. Friends who blame their happiness/unhappiness on you aren't your friends. I hope to God that I don't have that much power, and there's no way I possibly could. I don't control whether you are happy with your life--that's a personal thing. I've had friends who claimed they were unhappy because I was or wasn't their friend. That's bullshit. You are the person who controls your happiness, not I. I'm sick of being blamed as a source of unhappiness in people's lives when they're really just unhappy with other aspects of their life. Lesson learned: Suck it up and blame what's really at fault.
Whew, that feels good. I know this is all high school-ish and drama-ed out, but I just had to do this to finish everything. Goodbye, bad feelings.
Take what you will from these. These are not directed at any one person, but those who feel they apply to their selves, that's a personal problem. Not mine.