(no subject)
Dammit. That's all I really need to say.
Things have been good. Normal good.
My emotions have still been retarded. With my health continuing to suck, Nick going away, and me being off my birth control for the past month (I missed a few days and you're only allowed to miss a few or you have to wait a month to retake it) so I've been retarded.
Apparently he's been keeping track of my retard, girly freak out moments. And not telling me.
Since he's leaving in 2 months, apparently he's starting to think about EVERYTHING since his entire life is going to change.
Everything includes me. Us.
He's questioning us.
He's tweaking because we haven't been 100% perfect lately because of all the stuff going.
He has even told me it's ok that we argue over stupid things sometimes because his parents do it (like I guess once his mom threw a plate of food at his dad and it hit the wall cuz he called her a bitch) But apparently the last few weeks he's been keeping shit inside.
He said he's confused, and basically doesn't want to deal with shit.
Where does this leave me?
Scared. Nervous. Anxious. I'm waiting around while he decides what he wants to do.
Shitty thing...besides the whole situation...this all happened via text while he was working last night.
I dunno when I'll see him next...but it's probably going to be very weird. I don't know when I'll hear from him, either. I just know as soon as my phone says I have a text from him, my heart is going to completely stop and I'll feel sick.
Am I really that horrible that I have to continue to fail at relationships? I wish he would tell me things that bother him AS they happen...and not just see if I change. It's like...if you have a dog and it keeps shitting in the house...unless you tell the dog every time it does it that it's bad, the dog isn't going to know it's doing anything wrong and keep doing it. (yes, I just used a shitty dog as an comparison to myself)
Things have been good. Normal good.
My emotions have still been retarded. With my health continuing to suck, Nick going away, and me being off my birth control for the past month (I missed a few days and you're only allowed to miss a few or you have to wait a month to retake it) so I've been retarded.
Apparently he's been keeping track of my retard, girly freak out moments. And not telling me.
Since he's leaving in 2 months, apparently he's starting to think about EVERYTHING since his entire life is going to change.
Everything includes me. Us.
He's questioning us.
He's tweaking because we haven't been 100% perfect lately because of all the stuff going.
He has even told me it's ok that we argue over stupid things sometimes because his parents do it (like I guess once his mom threw a plate of food at his dad and it hit the wall cuz he called her a bitch) But apparently the last few weeks he's been keeping shit inside.
He said he's confused, and basically doesn't want to deal with shit.
Where does this leave me?
Scared. Nervous. Anxious. I'm waiting around while he decides what he wants to do.
Shitty thing...besides the whole situation...this all happened via text while he was working last night.
I dunno when I'll see him next...but it's probably going to be very weird. I don't know when I'll hear from him, either. I just know as soon as my phone says I have a text from him, my heart is going to completely stop and I'll feel sick.
Am I really that horrible that I have to continue to fail at relationships? I wish he would tell me things that bother him AS they happen...and not just see if I change. It's like...if you have a dog and it keeps shitting in the house...unless you tell the dog every time it does it that it's bad, the dog isn't going to know it's doing anything wrong and keep doing it. (yes, I just used a shitty dog as an comparison to myself)