two-hundred & fifty-nine.
Today I'm a rebel and using an actress instead of a singer. Yesterday was a crap day because my bus pass felt out of my shorts in the wash (didn't remember to empty pockets), then when I needed it, my mom was doing another load and we couldn't open the door to get the pass we didn't know was in there until I decided it was. It ended up getting something that looks like gum on it. What the fuck?
So I cried about it like a big girl. I don't mean a few stressful tears. I mean I sobbed. I heaved. For a bus pass. Not only the pass, but also the possibility of disappointing Ayn when she emailed us today to say she was low on volunteers for the 9-12 shift. Then around 11:15, Victoria calls me from the festival, pointing out I didn't remember to call her and tell her I couldn't share shifts, walk home with her, and crash at her place.
I'm a good friend, aren't I? Say no.
Deferred my OSAP fees today. Bringing in my forms to finan. aid tomorrow. Seeing City and Colour later on today if my uterus lets me, because god knows I've taken too many Midol. Watched The Dreamers this morning. Mom bought me Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang for $5 at Wal-Mart the other day, that sly fox. Got a little further in P4, but am now stuck between Magatsu Mandala 5 and 6, where is the fucking exit after the boss flist.
And now a meme that I stoled from Cy.
How can I tell if you're angry?
I'm a bit of an open book. I'm not very subtle. I can't say with a certainty all of the things I do when I'm upset, but it can often be clear to other people. Usually, I stop using emoticons, and avoid the use of "8D" unless I'm feeling catty (which isn't often). But if it's a rage sort of angry... lots of keysmash.
How should I behave around you if you're angry?
Not sure. That's at your discretion. Normally I cool off fast, because I swing from emotion to emotion like a pendulum.
How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
The worst question to ask me, I think, is "what's wrong?". Even worse than that is "what's wrong with you", but that hasn't been asked of me in ages, and I didn't appreciate it then, so I wouldn't appreciate it now. I'm the sort of person who gets upset over the tiniest things. Just know I'll get over it fast. Try and change the subject, show me something cute, plot with me. Anything to take my mind off what's bothering me, even if I don't tell you what it is (though I often will).
Are there things we should not discuss?
We should not discuss Canadian and American misconceptions because I'm just going to get very, very angry. While I don't confess to being a patriot, and it's not necessarily my country I'm defending, I don't appreciate ignorance. Especially if you're trying to be funny about it. Sometimes it's alright, but as some of you might already know, it's a touchy, touchy subject.
We should also not talk about falalas, anything poo-related, or owls. Okay, owls can be discussed, but not shared. Ever.
How should I treat you when you are ill?
I don't mean to be a downer here, but I'm always ill. If it's a real physical sickness, like the flu or a cold, you can't realistically do anything. Even if you try to send me something in the mail, it'll get to me too late. Carry on with what's normal. Acknowledge I'm sick, and that I might be slow with things.
What makes you happy that's in my power to grant you?
Kittens, cute animals, funny gifs or clips, cute songs, sappy confessions that may or may not be true. I'm easy to please, most of the time.
How would you like us to recognise your birthday?
Oh, I was afraid of this question. My birthday is coming up next month, but I don't want to publicize it. I feel like an attention whore if I do. I'll put up a post on the day of, talk about my birthday expeditions with Vicky and Sam, and my dinner with my mom. Last year on my birthday, I curled up in bed and cried because I didn't get a lot of birthday wishes, and I interpreted that as "I'm expendable, I'm easy to forget, they have better things to remember, who would think of me anyway". Boohoohoo.
I suppose it's just nice to be remembered on the day you were born. You only get one special day a year.
Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
I really, really don't expect anyone to send me gifts. They're nice, and I've loved everything I've received, even for Christmas, but for my birthday, there's no need to spend money on me. But thank you, should you choose to. Even cards are nice, because I keep all of them. There's nothing that would be unwelcome, save for gag gifts or, I don't know, a dildo. just saying okay
Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
Yeah, the school year. The depression grants me this wonderful ability to not be able to concentrate properly, so I don't get stellar grades, though I don't have a learning disability. It's only that I can't keep my attention in one place for too long, and it's hard to get motivated to study or do homework or assignments. Usually in the first 3 weeks of school, I do really, really well. I'm attentive. I attend all my classes, I do all that's asked of me.
But then as winter comes along, things start to get fucked up. Seasonal depression on top of regular depression is not fun, boys and girls, it is not. I fondly remember crying every last December for the last few years, sobbing over being afraid that I would fail my exams because it's hard to study. Like physically hard. And with school comes stress. And stress and I don't go well together. So the beginning of the school year is shit, then it gets better once the sun decides to come out.
Are there important anniversaries in your life?
Not really, no. There's my birthday, but that doesn't count.
How do I cater for you if you are visiting me?
Hffff um. Be as sociable as possible with me, or else I will feel awkward because I'm semi anti-social at first. Don't baby me, take me out places (not that I always want you to pay for me, jfc no), don't force me to do things I really really don't want to, assure me that taking photos is a normal and touristy thing to do. Let me settle in like a cat in a new house. Give me space if I need. Don't be afraid to touch me lmfao.
Do you have any particular 'comfort' foods?
Iced caps! Which are only available in Canada, but whatever. I like mac n' cheese shamelessly. Ice cream and chocolate-related things are always lovely. If I'm actually in need of comfort, anything that gets my mouth chewing, basically.
What do you do to cope with stress that I can help you with?
Um. I cope with stress by crying and screaming at people. But fortunately you guys can't be on the end of a stressful breakdown. Like I mentioned earlier, unless I'm in a hurry or something, change the topic. I have the attention span of a gnat on acid, and putting my mind on something else is the better, safer option. Or giving me encouragement if it's a deadline. I never have enough faith in myself, so having others have faith that I can do things is helpful.
If I want to contact you, how should I do it?
I'm usually online most of the time, so mean umbrellas, but if I'm not, shoot me an email at rockinghorsefly@gmail.com. PMing works, too.
Earlier, I tried to write a little drabbley thing in French, but only got this far. Fuck my rusty grasp.
Ses talons hauts sont fort, l'écho dans la venelle comme une ondulation sur La Saône. Dans le vent, ses cheveux, le couleur de la chocolat riche, est entretenu bien sous sa chapeux. Le chapeux est vieux, peut-être de les jours de la Deuxième Guerre Mondiale. Peut-être d'une femme qui a aimé et a aimé en retour.
Supposed to roughly translate to: "Her high heels are loud, the echo in the alley like a ripple on The Saône river . In the wind, her hair, the colour of rich chocolate, is well-kept underneath her hat. The hat is old, maybe from the days of World War II. Maybe from a woman who loved and was loved in return."
p.s. To whom it may concern: stop fucking guilt tripping me all over the place. It's not polite, and it's not mature. My world doesn't revolve around you.