(no subject)

[thrumyeyes4]

I hate school. I hate having to do things that I don't want to. I know supposedly all this general education bullshit will help in the future in the sense that it will get me to higher level courses that will get me a degree that will get me a job. They're fucking pointless. I'm stressed over a stupid paper that wasn't what I thought it was and now have to completely rethink the entire thing. And the rough draft is due in ten hours. It doesn't help that certain people don't let me just get out my frustrations when I'm like this. "You must know how to write a paper, just bs it" Well I'm sorry but I've never had the skill to bullshit a fucking paper. I actually care if it flows and makes sense and I don't know how to not. Unfortunately that doesn't get me a grade if it isn't completed on time. And I can't even work in my room because everyone is in my room to distract me. So here I am crying over pointless shit at the end of the hall alone trying so fucking hard to write a paper and getting nowhere. I have on paragraph of four pages. I've been sitting here for four hours. I know what I'm sposed to do, but I don't have enough sources or braincells to put words on to the computer screen. Except on here. I can't even go walk into my room to take a break because Justin is in my bed and derricks at my computer desk. I'm not surrounded by the right people to be in the mindset to study. And I just want to go to bed before fucking 4:30 for once in my life. I have a fucking midterm Wenesday and I want to buy a car tomorrow because I'm sick of being in the limbo that I'm not really independent yet.

Sometimes I feel like no one here understands and I wonder why I came to college in the first place. These are the kind of things I figured would happen if I went last year and here I am anyway. Nothing has changed.

I don't get how everyone else seems to be getting by fine.

I'm coming home Jan 12-16 for those of you who didn't know.