Brawlpachi Challenge
Katsura, I couldn't help but notice that you and I didn't exactly get along all that well during the last disaster. To show there are no hard feelings, I've decided to write a story for your challenge.
Once upon a time, in a prosperous kingdom whose name could never be remembered by even it's own denizens, there lived a poor stable boy named Shinpachi. Everyday he would go to the stables and shovel manure until sunset. Sometimes he even held long philosophical conversations with manure, because you see, manure was his only friend.
One day, King Katsura Zura Katsy Bob made an announcement to his people.
"Ah, my people, I have grown bored. Tomorrow, I shall hold a race. The man who comes in first place will marry my daughter Taiwan Wantai. Any man can compete, be he prince or pauper."
Young Shinpachi became excited at this prospect, as he had long admired the king's beautiful daughter. "Though I am but a poor stable boy," he said to himself as he often did. "I will enter the King's race and win the hand of Princess Wantai!"
The day of the race came, and all the participants gathered outside the King's castle, which was surrounded by a moat far to wide for any horse to jump across. The gate to the castle was open, but there was no drawbridge. Most people assumed this was because the King was quite insane.
"Ah," Said the king from atop the castle ramparts. "In order to marry my daughter, you must live in the same building as my daughter. So the first man to cross my moat and enter the castle will win."
"That's fucking easy!" said a large mass of hair and bad manners named Bigby. Bigby leaped into the moat to swim across, but he was immediately set upon by ferocious green beasts who tore him apart slowly and painfully as he screamed like a girl.
"Ah," said the king. "I forgot to mention that my moat is filled with hungry alligators. I haven't fed them in a while, so that's the real reason I held this race."
Upon hearing this, every man fled from the castle as fast as their legs could carry them. Every man had left, but not every boy. Brave Shinpachi remained, for he had an idea.
"If I can't swim across, I'll simply walk across!"
Shinpachi ran to the stables grabbed a shovel full of manure, dumped it into the moat, and repeated the process for 5 hours, because he could not run very fast. When his labour was complete, an entire landbridge of manure lay between him and the kings gate. However, because Shinpachi was so tired, and confident of his victory he decided to take a quick nap.
While he was napping, a Charming Prince whose name escapes me at the moment strode nonchalantly into the castle to ask to borrow a cup of sugar.
"Ah," said King Bob. "Yes, I have sugar. Also, you have just won the race, you may marry my daughter. I shall give sugar as a dowry. But don't worry poor stable boy Glasses. Since you have come in second place, you have won a trip to the moon."
And Shinpachi was catapulted to the moon. From that day forward, Shinpachi became known as the glasses on the moon by royal decree of the King.
And that is why whenever a handsome man plays Dungeons and Dragons with a girl from Taiwan, the moon looks like an angry prepubescent boy glaring at him.
THE END
Also, any similarities between characters in this story and real life people is pure coincidence.
Oh, yes! Greetings to all newcomers, though rather late I suppose. I am Prince Charming, and I hope we'll all get along splendidly.