Thoughts from the woods
Living with oneself...
Almost a year in, Topher and I continue to be perfectly happy in each other's company- both comfortable and stimulated. So refreshing to spend the weekend with him and play, talk, wander, be cosy and do party cleanup/errands- all with such comfort and enjoyment. I think at this stage in most relationships I'd be a bit desperate to se more of other people- like I'd be starting to feel stagnant (or worried about it), but I don't.
I feel like we could comfortably hole up in the middle of nowhere (with net access and books) and be totally content for a good long time. We both feed our own minds and bring that back to each other pretty consistently. I want to do other things, visit people, go out, etc., but I don't feel the need to in any relation to him. It's lovely.
I guess too, a good deal of that comes out of really knowing that I can live with myself. I had a year and a half (minus a summer with Jonas visiting) living alone in the mountains in New Hampshire. Only one person in the area near my age who I really identified with (Daryl), my cat and my house. Garden, river, woods... I had people to talk with at the cafe (mostly over 50), classes at the University to keep my brain fired, and kidlets to teach. But many long lonely nights. Much chopping of wood to keep the house heated.
I learned to live with myself. To enjoy cooking for just me, to enjoy working in the garden, the feel of the sun, the sounds of the river and wind... little joys magnify. I missed the wild debauchery and artiness of places like LA and London, but I was also quite content. The noise of LA where I grew up can cover up an awful lot.
I'm so glad I did it. There was even a moment (sitting on the porch in my hanging chair) when I realized that I truly enjoyed my own company that really hit me. The thoughts, the perceptions, the comfort of being... to look inside myself and be comfortable with all that I see, even the parts I want to work on. It is not just the gruff freedom of being alone- which I'd found backpacking through the Highlands alone, and traveling through Europe, but being with myself.
I think that that as a ground state is such an incredibly good thing to bring to a relationship. If you cannot be happy with your own company, can you expect to truly be happy with others? We are comfortable, and happy together. So glad.
Almost a year in, Topher and I continue to be perfectly happy in each other's company- both comfortable and stimulated. So refreshing to spend the weekend with him and play, talk, wander, be cosy and do party cleanup/errands- all with such comfort and enjoyment. I think at this stage in most relationships I'd be a bit desperate to se more of other people- like I'd be starting to feel stagnant (or worried about it), but I don't.
I feel like we could comfortably hole up in the middle of nowhere (with net access and books) and be totally content for a good long time. We both feed our own minds and bring that back to each other pretty consistently. I want to do other things, visit people, go out, etc., but I don't feel the need to in any relation to him. It's lovely.
I guess too, a good deal of that comes out of really knowing that I can live with myself. I had a year and a half (minus a summer with Jonas visiting) living alone in the mountains in New Hampshire. Only one person in the area near my age who I really identified with (Daryl), my cat and my house. Garden, river, woods... I had people to talk with at the cafe (mostly over 50), classes at the University to keep my brain fired, and kidlets to teach. But many long lonely nights. Much chopping of wood to keep the house heated.
I learned to live with myself. To enjoy cooking for just me, to enjoy working in the garden, the feel of the sun, the sounds of the river and wind... little joys magnify. I missed the wild debauchery and artiness of places like LA and London, but I was also quite content. The noise of LA where I grew up can cover up an awful lot.
I'm so glad I did it. There was even a moment (sitting on the porch in my hanging chair) when I realized that I truly enjoyed my own company that really hit me. The thoughts, the perceptions, the comfort of being... to look inside myself and be comfortable with all that I see, even the parts I want to work on. It is not just the gruff freedom of being alone- which I'd found backpacking through the Highlands alone, and traveling through Europe, but being with myself.
I think that that as a ground state is such an incredibly good thing to bring to a relationship. If you cannot be happy with your own company, can you expect to truly be happy with others? We are comfortable, and happy together. So glad.