for people who read x's post today and want to hear my version of things.
If not, and you just don't need to hear any more drama (believe me, I can appreciate that), then disregard)
I feel ridiculous and middle-school for even responding to the post x_rumour_x put up (for the record, I haven't emailed him :) ), but I also feel hideously misrepresented to anyone who cares to read his posts, and my pride won't let that slide, so I'll explain a bit for those who actually care at this point (I understand if you don't- this thing is ridiculous!)
Wow, just wow. Every time I think I don't need to deal with him anymore (just, in fact when he promised to ignore me)...
I thought he was done posting anything I could read (fortunatly, he's removed from the friend's list now, so I don't have to bump into this stuff looking at my friend's page anymore). *note- the only reason he was still there at all, explained in a reply to a former post*
There is all lot more to this than x_rumour_x's post to me would suggest. I wonder why he didn't email that? Since he made that public, I feel compelled to explain my end.
For one, until he yelled at me at Deathguild (after my 2 transgretions, not four that I am aware of), he was still calling me, replying to my posts, initiating making plans with me etc. Very sweetly asking if he could come over with soup when I posted that I was sick (2 weeks after breakup)... ( example. When someone nastily posted something on a 2 month old entry (after breakup), I stood up for him and he thanked me for it (it's about halfway down on the comments).
These are not indications that I should leave him alone, nor displays of nastiness on either side.
His post makes it sound as if he's been consistently telling me to go away from the moment we broke up and I have been obsessivly refusing. The first week he made it very clear that he still wanted regular, daily contact. He asked for it. Verbally. I wanted space. I offered him space. He said then (a week and a half later) that "space is the last thing I need from you".
This shifted into mixed messages for a week before deathguild (calling, talking, then I say something he takes as an insult, and he tells me not to talk to him, then writes that he does want to talk with me... ACK! At that point, I think he just couldn't handle it, and everything I said or did looked like an attack. I assume that is the abuse of his friendship he was refering to, but honestly, there was none meant. He was interpreting compliments as negative at that point.
There is much more behind the other emails on the list he saw fit to put up as well. If you WANT to hear about it please read on- if not, I understand, this is crazy, stupid drama at this point..."
The email list is a bit deceptive. If you disregard all the email up until he yelled at me at Deathguild because until then (and even after, seeing as he responded to posts of mine), we were still clearly both iniciating conversation), it becomes less of a "plethora".
"last words, all well meant" was on the 5th before he cleared the dance floor with a yelled "Fuck You!" at me Monday (which was identical to the one that caused me to break up with him in response to me saying "please can I have a little space please"), and was an attempt at closure. I told him thank you for all the good things, and apologized for all the things I've done that have hurt him- all listed in detail. I got back an email telling me thanks that was the bare minimum, but that everything I did was to hurt him. Obviously, that didn't put me in a great frame of mind.
After he yelled at me at Death Guild (for which he has made no apology), the other things I sent were my apology for what I said and did at Death Guild, and responses to his response to my lj-posts.
The apology ("o") got a nasty reply (that apologies were my way of softening him up for another blow), which I responded to. I was still trying to communicate in a rational way with him, but part of what I did in that one was to give up. He said that everything I did was to hurt him (again), so I gave him a list of positive things and efforts at resolution and communication that I had said or done in the last few weeks since we broke up- trying to remind him of the fact that I meant well by him- that I care about him and wasn't trying to hurt him. When I got a nasty reply to that, I stopped emailing him until he responded to one of my lj posts.
The response to the lj-posts he took off as soon as I answered it, which confused me, because he was addressing other people who might read it besides, so it didn't make sense to remove. I honestly was confused and asking a question. That was the question he posted and this is where I was at on that (post about it). My response to the one he posted on today's lj was something along the lines of "okay, I'll steer clear, it doesn't matter what I say, it get's misinterpreted, we both need space".
After finally getting a clear message of not wanting to have contact with me anymore, the only things I sent were 3 quick, to-the point blips on where I would and wouldn't be so that he could avoid me without having to worry about running into me in a social situation without being prepared for it (as I know that was very difficult for him last time around). I thought to label the second two so he would know what they were and could open them or not accordingly. That was an effort to be considerate. Oh well. I did not try calling or emailing anything after that until I became concerned that things would infringe on my friendships, several days later.
The email "when" was asking when it would be okay to be in less public situations in the same place- like when I want to go to a friend's birthday party, but (because I introduced them), he is their roomate and will certainly be there. That was when I tried to call. My only request was to be ignored. Had tried to find out if he was in an okay space for that indirectly, but felt ridiculous and middle-school doing so. I thought- hey we're adults, this is a reasonable question, this should be okay. Riiiiight. Got cut off by machine and tried to call back to finish, got hung up on. Thought- this still needed addressed, so tried via email. The reason for this was so that I can keep my FRIENDSHIPS intact, not to do with HIM. Wow.
That email he must have read (despite it looking unopened on the list), because that was the reply that made me laugh because I honestly couldn't figure out what planet he was on. Ditto for today's post. A little overkill (he could have emailed that???) I was completely fine with never talking to him or contacting him again after that email.
The last email I got from him until his response to the "when" question (about me seeing mutual friends and asking to be ignored when we end up in the same room) was an RE to "sad" (which also looks unread in that list).
I just want you to know that I read all your e-mails.
-Jay
so his comment of "I haven't been reading your plethora of e-mails, they're still sitting, unread, in a folder all by themselves" is as about on this planet as the rest of it. It's one more direct contradiction in a series that began about 2 weeks after we broke up. The email list he posted somehow does not reflect what was actually opened and what wasn't. Here's a copy of his contributions to my inbox, which has replies to every single email except for the three warning him where I'll be so we don't have to bump into each other (which were to the point and had no prompt for response). Sorry for the formating- I'm not a geek.
[View Contact Details] Xander Re: when? Tue 06/14 Inbox 5k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: ? Wed 06/08 Inbox 3k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: thank you Tue 06/07 Inbox 2k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: sad Tue 06/07 Inbox 2k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: done Tue 06/07 Inbox 4k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: last words- all well meant Mon 06/06 Inbox 8k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: o Sun 06/05 Inbox 4k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: o Sat 06/04 Inbox 3k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: tonight Sat 06/04 Inbox 8k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: tonight Fri 06/03 Inbox 3k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: Thu 06/02 Inbox 3k
[View Contact Details] Xander Re: heya Tue 05/31 Inbox 3k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: just read your post Thu 05/26 Inbox 3k
[View Contact Details] Xander Re: . Thu 05/26 Inbox 3k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: ack Wed 05/25 Inbox 4k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: Wed 05/25 Inbox 7k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: thank you Sat 05/21 Inbox 3k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: thank you Sat 05/21 Inbox 2k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: more than I posted... Sat 03/12 Inbox 8k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: people info??? Wed 02/09 Inbox 2k
If he had been reading my journal, he would notice that while I was obviously hurt by events of monday, and recently worried about how completely avoiding him would infringe on my friendships, that he is most certainly not the center of my life and that I have been enjoying painting, dancing, thinking, reading, writing (by myself) and playing, talking, rambling, going to movies, parties, events, tree-climbing and most enjoying most wonderful communication etc. in blessedly more sane company than his for the last few weeks.
Wow. Crazy boy.
At this point, I am well shut of all of it (as I posted yesterday), happy to be ignored (if he can hold to that), and honestly, pretty sorry for him. He seems just really confused and hurt.
Wow.
I feel ridiculous and middle-school for even responding to the post x_rumour_x put up (for the record, I haven't emailed him :) ), but I also feel hideously misrepresented to anyone who cares to read his posts, and my pride won't let that slide, so I'll explain a bit for those who actually care at this point (I understand if you don't- this thing is ridiculous!)
Wow, just wow. Every time I think I don't need to deal with him anymore (just, in fact when he promised to ignore me)...
I thought he was done posting anything I could read (fortunatly, he's removed from the friend's list now, so I don't have to bump into this stuff looking at my friend's page anymore). *note- the only reason he was still there at all, explained in a reply to a former post*
There is all lot more to this than x_rumour_x's post to me would suggest. I wonder why he didn't email that? Since he made that public, I feel compelled to explain my end.
For one, until he yelled at me at Deathguild (after my 2 transgretions, not four that I am aware of), he was still calling me, replying to my posts, initiating making plans with me etc. Very sweetly asking if he could come over with soup when I posted that I was sick (2 weeks after breakup)... ( example. When someone nastily posted something on a 2 month old entry (after breakup), I stood up for him and he thanked me for it (it's about halfway down on the comments).
These are not indications that I should leave him alone, nor displays of nastiness on either side.
His post makes it sound as if he's been consistently telling me to go away from the moment we broke up and I have been obsessivly refusing. The first week he made it very clear that he still wanted regular, daily contact. He asked for it. Verbally. I wanted space. I offered him space. He said then (a week and a half later) that "space is the last thing I need from you".
This shifted into mixed messages for a week before deathguild (calling, talking, then I say something he takes as an insult, and he tells me not to talk to him, then writes that he does want to talk with me... ACK! At that point, I think he just couldn't handle it, and everything I said or did looked like an attack. I assume that is the abuse of his friendship he was refering to, but honestly, there was none meant. He was interpreting compliments as negative at that point.
There is much more behind the other emails on the list he saw fit to put up as well. If you WANT to hear about it please read on- if not, I understand, this is crazy, stupid drama at this point..."
The email list is a bit deceptive. If you disregard all the email up until he yelled at me at Deathguild because until then (and even after, seeing as he responded to posts of mine), we were still clearly both iniciating conversation), it becomes less of a "plethora".
"last words, all well meant" was on the 5th before he cleared the dance floor with a yelled "Fuck You!" at me Monday (which was identical to the one that caused me to break up with him in response to me saying "please can I have a little space please"), and was an attempt at closure. I told him thank you for all the good things, and apologized for all the things I've done that have hurt him- all listed in detail. I got back an email telling me thanks that was the bare minimum, but that everything I did was to hurt him. Obviously, that didn't put me in a great frame of mind.
After he yelled at me at Death Guild (for which he has made no apology), the other things I sent were my apology for what I said and did at Death Guild, and responses to his response to my lj-posts.
The apology ("o") got a nasty reply (that apologies were my way of softening him up for another blow), which I responded to. I was still trying to communicate in a rational way with him, but part of what I did in that one was to give up. He said that everything I did was to hurt him (again), so I gave him a list of positive things and efforts at resolution and communication that I had said or done in the last few weeks since we broke up- trying to remind him of the fact that I meant well by him- that I care about him and wasn't trying to hurt him. When I got a nasty reply to that, I stopped emailing him until he responded to one of my lj posts.
The response to the lj-posts he took off as soon as I answered it, which confused me, because he was addressing other people who might read it besides, so it didn't make sense to remove. I honestly was confused and asking a question. That was the question he posted and this is where I was at on that (post about it). My response to the one he posted on today's lj was something along the lines of "okay, I'll steer clear, it doesn't matter what I say, it get's misinterpreted, we both need space".
After finally getting a clear message of not wanting to have contact with me anymore, the only things I sent were 3 quick, to-the point blips on where I would and wouldn't be so that he could avoid me without having to worry about running into me in a social situation without being prepared for it (as I know that was very difficult for him last time around). I thought to label the second two so he would know what they were and could open them or not accordingly. That was an effort to be considerate. Oh well. I did not try calling or emailing anything after that until I became concerned that things would infringe on my friendships, several days later.
The email "when" was asking when it would be okay to be in less public situations in the same place- like when I want to go to a friend's birthday party, but (because I introduced them), he is their roomate and will certainly be there. That was when I tried to call. My only request was to be ignored. Had tried to find out if he was in an okay space for that indirectly, but felt ridiculous and middle-school doing so. I thought- hey we're adults, this is a reasonable question, this should be okay. Riiiiight. Got cut off by machine and tried to call back to finish, got hung up on. Thought- this still needed addressed, so tried via email. The reason for this was so that I can keep my FRIENDSHIPS intact, not to do with HIM. Wow.
That email he must have read (despite it looking unopened on the list), because that was the reply that made me laugh because I honestly couldn't figure out what planet he was on. Ditto for today's post. A little overkill (he could have emailed that???) I was completely fine with never talking to him or contacting him again after that email.
The last email I got from him until his response to the "when" question (about me seeing mutual friends and asking to be ignored when we end up in the same room) was an RE to "sad" (which also looks unread in that list).
I just want you to know that I read all your e-mails.
-Jay
so his comment of "I haven't been reading your plethora of e-mails, they're still sitting, unread, in a folder all by themselves" is as about on this planet as the rest of it. It's one more direct contradiction in a series that began about 2 weeks after we broke up. The email list he posted somehow does not reflect what was actually opened and what wasn't. Here's a copy of his contributions to my inbox, which has replies to every single email except for the three warning him where I'll be so we don't have to bump into each other (which were to the point and had no prompt for response). Sorry for the formating- I'm not a geek.
[View Contact Details] Xander Re: when? Tue 06/14 Inbox 5k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: ? Wed 06/08 Inbox 3k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: thank you Tue 06/07 Inbox 2k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: sad Tue 06/07 Inbox 2k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: done Tue 06/07 Inbox 4k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: last words- all well meant Mon 06/06 Inbox 8k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: o Sun 06/05 Inbox 4k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: o Sat 06/04 Inbox 3k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: tonight Sat 06/04 Inbox 8k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: tonight Fri 06/03 Inbox 3k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: Thu 06/02 Inbox 3k
[View Contact Details] Xander Re: heya Tue 05/31 Inbox 3k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: just read your post Thu 05/26 Inbox 3k
[View Contact Details] Xander Re: . Thu 05/26 Inbox 3k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: ack Wed 05/25 Inbox 4k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: Wed 05/25 Inbox 7k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: thank you Sat 05/21 Inbox 3k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: thank you Sat 05/21 Inbox 2k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: more than I posted... Sat 03/12 Inbox 8k
[You replied to this message ] [View Contact Details] Xander Re: people info??? Wed 02/09 Inbox 2k
If he had been reading my journal, he would notice that while I was obviously hurt by events of monday, and recently worried about how completely avoiding him would infringe on my friendships, that he is most certainly not the center of my life and that I have been enjoying painting, dancing, thinking, reading, writing (by myself) and playing, talking, rambling, going to movies, parties, events, tree-climbing and most enjoying most wonderful communication etc. in blessedly more sane company than his for the last few weeks.
Wow. Crazy boy.
At this point, I am well shut of all of it (as I posted yesterday), happy to be ignored (if he can hold to that), and honestly, pretty sorry for him. He seems just really confused and hurt.
Wow.