Everything about this island is completely retarded and here's why: NO NUDE BEACHES?
Oh isn't this just fucking lovely?
Here's how the past few weeks of my life have gone: Hello! I'm a real live human being! Just going about my community service like any decent citizen would, being a productive member of society, boring shite like that. Oh no, a lightning storm! Super powers? Yes fucking please. THIS IS THE PART TO PAY ATTENTION TO, LADIES OF NEW MOORE: I'M IMMORTAL. But isn't that supposed to only happen in comic books and Barry's weird sci-fi programmes? Guess not. I'm the first immortal man to walk Earth. I accept it, I embrace it. Rolling in pussy!
And then I get sent to this fucked up island and it turns out it really was a fictional cockgrab! What's that about? You can't jerk a guy around like that.
For the record, I'll give a sample showing of my power to anyone interested. I find it gets the ladies proper juiced. But enough about me! You gorgeous birds out there, you tell me about you. Double points if you've been on this island so long that you'll shag anything that moves!
Oh and I guess this should be a SOS call to my mates or some bullshit like that. Oi guys, you can come out now, I'm here, the party's started! Let's go back to... well saving the world's not exactly what we did, was it? Load of superhero bollocks anyway, who needs that. Let's go back to trying not to accidentally-or-otherwise kill people, yeah? That was fun, let's keep doing that.
Here's how the past few weeks of my life have gone: Hello! I'm a real live human being! Just going about my community service like any decent citizen would, being a productive member of society, boring shite like that. Oh no, a lightning storm! Super powers? Yes fucking please. THIS IS THE PART TO PAY ATTENTION TO, LADIES OF NEW MOORE: I'M IMMORTAL. But isn't that supposed to only happen in comic books and Barry's weird sci-fi programmes? Guess not. I'm the first immortal man to walk Earth. I accept it, I embrace it. Rolling in pussy!
And then I get sent to this fucked up island and it turns out it really was a fictional cockgrab! What's that about? You can't jerk a guy around like that.
For the record, I'll give a sample showing of my power to anyone interested. I find it gets the ladies proper juiced. But enough about me! You gorgeous birds out there, you tell me about you. Double points if you've been on this island so long that you'll shag anything that moves!
Oh and I guess this should be a SOS call to my mates or some bullshit like that. Oi guys, you can come out now, I'm here, the party's started! Let's go back to... well saving the world's not exactly what we did, was it? Load of superhero bollocks anyway, who needs that. Let's go back to trying not to accidentally-or-otherwise kill people, yeah? That was fun, let's keep doing that.