e-hem
You know some wires are being crossed when you wake up with the vague recollection of a dream you had about hanging posters in your apartment. Given, hanging posters in my apartment IS serious business, but shouldn't I have something better to do? Heh.
It is Tuesday. No class yesterday. No class today either (at least for me). Four day weekend, sorta. Though I spent 34 hours of it working. Jeanne came, saw, and kicked our ass. I was only without power for a little more than half a day. Six of those hours I spent working, so no huge loss. I only wish I could have been sleeping with an AC. I'd shake out of a sound sleep from some nightmare, my body rolled up in all my sheets and blankets, sweating profusely. The fear and anxiety were quickly replaced with the thought "Ick. I'm all sweaty."
I got all of the homework I wanted to get done this weekend finished, making a little more progress on my senior project. I haven't made the big attack on programming the fifth and hardest engine module yet. I was just taking a relaxed approach to the more mundane task of coding in the target goal states for the fourth module. But who cares? Bottomline is that I feel fairly productive for a hurricane weekend following the week I've had.
And what I week I had. When it rains, it pours. Like I have to make that statement with the weather WE'VE been having... Internship fair, Career fair, Majors' Fair, PhilSoc, blah blah blah. I still have to dump out my grab-bag from the first two events and see just who it was that I threw my resume at so that I can do online follow-ups to see whether or not any of it truly looks promising. Dad called Saturday and I chatted with him about such things. It seems that an old boss of his, a retired 3-star, is now in charge of about ten billion dollars worth of projects for Boeing. So he wants me to send him my resume, and he's going to forward it on to this guy. I also have to do follow-up with all of those Lockheed and Raytheon fellas that I made contact with back in Alaska. I feel like I'm pestering them. Dad says that they probably gave my info to someone lower than them on the foodchain, who in-turn dropped the ball by sticking me into a file to rot. Padre insists that it's just like the military, and that you have to really stay on top of people to get anything done. So I shall follow his advice and push these people a little harder.
I was so messed up last week between internship crap, fair crap, school crap, work crap, and feeling crappy in general that I didn't have the strength to enjoy any of the random encounters with girls I had. Just a few. Just a few. But those are high numbers for an engineer/philosophy major. It's also very important, as well. All around me, friends are getting all sorts of "play" and it's making me crazy-jealous. I will not graduate and leave college behind me without one final indulgence (or two, but I'm not pressing my luck). Heh. Of course, it would be the case that all sorts of ideal relationship-quality women would come out of the woodwork JUST as I'm getting ready to uproot and leave town. Not like there have been dozens, but usually there aren't ANY. Sometimes it just ain't fair how schedules don't match up in these matters. But them's the brakes.
I must be patient, and resign myself to the fate that I have chosen. I will go somewhere, not sure where, for six months, before I go somewhere else, not sure where else, for another two years. During those six months, I'm going to be completely self-absorbed, focusing totally on myself. I'll be the narcissism posterchild. I'm going to spend every waking moment improving myself. I'll be working (I sure damn hope) during the weekdays. I'll come home, lift weights, eat dinner, watch a movie or some TV, and then go to bed. I'll repeat this cycle five days a week. On the weekends, I'll perform all the necessary week-to-week duties like laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. and also maybe do something 'just for me' to break up the monotony of what shall quickly become my weekly grind. But I like that sort of thing. Consistency isn't something I take lightly. I've always done my best when I settle into a rut. I've felt happy doing my thing, and happier still knowing what that thing will be. Routine is good for me. Quiets my soul. Clears away all that nasty static and I'm able to think a lot clearer. At the end of those six months, I'm sure that I'll be in the best physical and mental condition I've been in since I left for college all those years ago. My batteries will be recharged.
There will be moments of loneliness where I'm pissed off at all the things I'm missing out on: the quote-unquote "good things" in life. But I'll remind myself that the variables don't line up for some people to allow for such things, and that it is best for me in the longrun to play my hand as I am for the good of my future. That was the problem with college. +Four years is a long time. You get that much TIME thrust in front of you to fill, and you convince yourself that you're gonna chalk it full of worthwhile life experiences so that you aren't left with regret at the end of it all. That's fucked up! Too much time! With that much time, you can't properly coordinate the effort towards any fully completed end-goals. It is impossible to do everything, see everything, taste everything, etc etc etc before graduation. But having half a decade to do it, I was seduced into trying. The truth of the matter is that you can never have it all (Where would you put it? hehe). I couldn't experience every walk of life a University this size has to offer even if I had 50 lifetimes with which to have 50 different college experiences. Well, maybe 50 would be enough.
Our lives can be thought of as decks of cards. Not playing cards. More like Magic cards. We have a deck. It gets shuffled around. We get new cards added. They get shuffled around. Sometimes we lose cards. Gain more cards. They get shuffled around. And occassionally, you need about 6 months of narcissism time to reorganize your deck to make sure you're ready for that BIG match ahead. Graduate school. PhD. I have a sticker on the mirror next to my front door: It reads "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make up the difference." It's the part about the weaponry that, of course, catches my attention the most. Bridging the gap between what I can't do and what I can do has always been important to me. Preparation. It's all about preparation. Having the right plan and having the drive to take the necessary steps to put that plan into motion is the formula for victory. I just hope that the steps I've taken so far were good enough. I really have to start leafing out more resumes.
Speaking of plans, I think I'll go see a movie this afternoon. Maybe I'll go see two. Perhaps "Shaun of the Dead" and/or "The Forgotten" and/or "Ghost in the Shell" or something. There are more than a few good movies out right now that I haven't been able to make time to go see. That rubs against my grain, too. I'm usually right on top of that sort of thing. Afterwards, I'll get some food and sit down to do some work on either my Cube program or more online research for the spring. I also need to submit my Simulation homework before tomorrow. I'll also post it online so that folks can "ooh and ahh" at my brilliance. Heh. Sure. It looks a lot simpler than it was. It's just a clock. Alrighty, I'm off.
It is Tuesday. No class yesterday. No class today either (at least for me). Four day weekend, sorta. Though I spent 34 hours of it working. Jeanne came, saw, and kicked our ass. I was only without power for a little more than half a day. Six of those hours I spent working, so no huge loss. I only wish I could have been sleeping with an AC. I'd shake out of a sound sleep from some nightmare, my body rolled up in all my sheets and blankets, sweating profusely. The fear and anxiety were quickly replaced with the thought "Ick. I'm all sweaty."
I got all of the homework I wanted to get done this weekend finished, making a little more progress on my senior project. I haven't made the big attack on programming the fifth and hardest engine module yet. I was just taking a relaxed approach to the more mundane task of coding in the target goal states for the fourth module. But who cares? Bottomline is that I feel fairly productive for a hurricane weekend following the week I've had.
And what I week I had. When it rains, it pours. Like I have to make that statement with the weather WE'VE been having... Internship fair, Career fair, Majors' Fair, PhilSoc, blah blah blah. I still have to dump out my grab-bag from the first two events and see just who it was that I threw my resume at so that I can do online follow-ups to see whether or not any of it truly looks promising. Dad called Saturday and I chatted with him about such things. It seems that an old boss of his, a retired 3-star, is now in charge of about ten billion dollars worth of projects for Boeing. So he wants me to send him my resume, and he's going to forward it on to this guy. I also have to do follow-up with all of those Lockheed and Raytheon fellas that I made contact with back in Alaska. I feel like I'm pestering them. Dad says that they probably gave my info to someone lower than them on the foodchain, who in-turn dropped the ball by sticking me into a file to rot. Padre insists that it's just like the military, and that you have to really stay on top of people to get anything done. So I shall follow his advice and push these people a little harder.
I was so messed up last week between internship crap, fair crap, school crap, work crap, and feeling crappy in general that I didn't have the strength to enjoy any of the random encounters with girls I had. Just a few. Just a few. But those are high numbers for an engineer/philosophy major. It's also very important, as well. All around me, friends are getting all sorts of "play" and it's making me crazy-jealous. I will not graduate and leave college behind me without one final indulgence (or two, but I'm not pressing my luck). Heh. Of course, it would be the case that all sorts of ideal relationship-quality women would come out of the woodwork JUST as I'm getting ready to uproot and leave town. Not like there have been dozens, but usually there aren't ANY. Sometimes it just ain't fair how schedules don't match up in these matters. But them's the brakes.
I must be patient, and resign myself to the fate that I have chosen. I will go somewhere, not sure where, for six months, before I go somewhere else, not sure where else, for another two years. During those six months, I'm going to be completely self-absorbed, focusing totally on myself. I'll be the narcissism posterchild. I'm going to spend every waking moment improving myself. I'll be working (I sure damn hope) during the weekdays. I'll come home, lift weights, eat dinner, watch a movie or some TV, and then go to bed. I'll repeat this cycle five days a week. On the weekends, I'll perform all the necessary week-to-week duties like laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. and also maybe do something 'just for me' to break up the monotony of what shall quickly become my weekly grind. But I like that sort of thing. Consistency isn't something I take lightly. I've always done my best when I settle into a rut. I've felt happy doing my thing, and happier still knowing what that thing will be. Routine is good for me. Quiets my soul. Clears away all that nasty static and I'm able to think a lot clearer. At the end of those six months, I'm sure that I'll be in the best physical and mental condition I've been in since I left for college all those years ago. My batteries will be recharged.
There will be moments of loneliness where I'm pissed off at all the things I'm missing out on: the quote-unquote "good things" in life. But I'll remind myself that the variables don't line up for some people to allow for such things, and that it is best for me in the longrun to play my hand as I am for the good of my future. That was the problem with college. +Four years is a long time. You get that much TIME thrust in front of you to fill, and you convince yourself that you're gonna chalk it full of worthwhile life experiences so that you aren't left with regret at the end of it all. That's fucked up! Too much time! With that much time, you can't properly coordinate the effort towards any fully completed end-goals. It is impossible to do everything, see everything, taste everything, etc etc etc before graduation. But having half a decade to do it, I was seduced into trying. The truth of the matter is that you can never have it all (Where would you put it? hehe). I couldn't experience every walk of life a University this size has to offer even if I had 50 lifetimes with which to have 50 different college experiences. Well, maybe 50 would be enough.
Our lives can be thought of as decks of cards. Not playing cards. More like Magic cards. We have a deck. It gets shuffled around. We get new cards added. They get shuffled around. Sometimes we lose cards. Gain more cards. They get shuffled around. And occassionally, you need about 6 months of narcissism time to reorganize your deck to make sure you're ready for that BIG match ahead. Graduate school. PhD. I have a sticker on the mirror next to my front door: It reads "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make up the difference." It's the part about the weaponry that, of course, catches my attention the most. Bridging the gap between what I can't do and what I can do has always been important to me. Preparation. It's all about preparation. Having the right plan and having the drive to take the necessary steps to put that plan into motion is the formula for victory. I just hope that the steps I've taken so far were good enough. I really have to start leafing out more resumes.
Speaking of plans, I think I'll go see a movie this afternoon. Maybe I'll go see two. Perhaps "Shaun of the Dead" and/or "The Forgotten" and/or "Ghost in the Shell" or something. There are more than a few good movies out right now that I haven't been able to make time to go see. That rubs against my grain, too. I'm usually right on top of that sort of thing. Afterwards, I'll get some food and sit down to do some work on either my Cube program or more online research for the spring. I also need to submit my Simulation homework before tomorrow. I'll also post it online so that folks can "ooh and ahh" at my brilliance. Heh. Sure. It looks a lot simpler than it was. It's just a clock. Alrighty, I'm off.