The Writing Meme - pairing #3 - Hiei/Kuwabara
And folks, I actually used a hat. A fine, black goat-skin piece, that depending on who you ask, apparently looks like Vampire Hunter D's, Alucard's (just not red), or Indiana Jones's. Regardless, it is a kick-ass hat, and I drew names out of it XP
So this is the third pairing I drew out, and the first one I've written so far. People, this is by far not the oddest pairing I drew, so this is just a glimpse of things to come (hah). It actually wound up being so long that I cannot post it in its entirety in a single entry, so I'm splitting it in two. Second part to follow immediately after I post this entry.
Thanks to my sister Amanda, who recalled the incident on the set of The Lord of the Rings that gave this fic its premise and its name. Thanks to blossomwitch and rotynd for the characters. And thanks to mhmartini for spawning the meme responsible for this fuckery!
I dub thee,
Human Scum
30 June 2009
It was late afternoon, at the eatery that Yusuke had taken to calling a bistro to appeal to his growing clientele of students, as he figured that “bistro” sounded more intellectual than “noodle house.” A stupid idea, Hiei thought-but then, it seemed to attract more humans of that age since the name change.
With that in mind, Hiei thought the ones that bred these students ought to consider asking for their money back, if their “educated” offspring were so easily duped.
Swat! Hiei raised an eyebrow as a rolled-up newspaper slammed won on the counter next to him, then looked up at the one wielding the paper. “Is that really necessary?” he asked Yusuke.
“Order something or vacate the counter,” the taller brunette told him. “You’re taking up prime real estate doing nothing.” Hiei glowered.
Beside him Kurama quickly piped up, “Untrue, Yusuke. He’ll have an order of peach buns; I’ll pay.”
Hiei smirked as Yusuke let them be. He knew it wasn’t an act of charity on Kurama’s part-the redhead had just arrived from his last class for the day, and would probably eat most if not all the buns himself. Actually, Hiei knew the Fox’s motives were purely self-centered-Kurama was positioned by the window, and if Hiei relocated, the seat beside him would certainly be filled-and Kurama trapped-by one of the college girls who kept sending him furtive, unrequited glances from the booth by the door.
“Human scum.”
Red hair shifted as Kurama tilted his head toward Hiei. “You say something?”
He hadn’t. Both turned around to face the booth behind them.
“Sounds kinky,” Shizuru said.
“Ew, shut up, I’m trying to read.” Kuwabara smoothed out the entertainment magazine he was looking at, and recited: “ ‘During an interview on the set, the actor, who plays the reluctant heir to an ancient royal bloodline in the trilogy, was tackled by a young costar, who pronounced him “human scum” and kissed him’-Ew.”
Hiei snorted.
“Any pictures?” Shizuru asked.
“Not of the actual thing, you pervert, but here.” Kuwabara slid the magazine across the table so that she and Yukina could have a look.
“Right,” the older psychic said, pointing a chipped fingernail at a glossy, if slightly water-damaged, photo. “He plays the Ranger…” Her finger slid across the page, “And he’s the Elf.” She pursed her lips. “He looks better with the wig. All that long, silver hair…”
“Is an irritant to keep clean,” Kurama murmured, pushing back his own currently more colorful, more textured locks, “and neat.”
“Hey, don’t think I don’t see you fidgeting; I’ll kill you if you cut yours.”
The redhead smirked. “Don’t worry, that’d be impractical. Now, perhaps a trim-?”
“No.” Then she looked thoughtful. “Maybe. If I get to do it.”
“I thought elves were little,” Kuwabara said, then looked at Hiei with a stupid grin. “Hey Shorty, you ever put on a pair of green tights and ride around in the back of a sleigh?” Hiei replied with a venomous glare, then redirected it, as beside him Kurama began to snicker very softly.
Meanwhile Yukina was looking over the article. “I like the other one better,” she decided.
“Thank you!” Kuwabara exclaimed. “Finally, a girl this day in age who remembers that men get dirty and grow stubble and sweat. It’s like very other girl nowadays goes gaga for some delicate-featured, long-haired pretty-boy, even though when they’re not stalking him he’s probably taking it up the-.” He paused when he noticed the pair of eyes watching him through slightly narrowed lids. “Uh, not that there’s anything wrong with that,” he quickly amended. “Just gets annoying-especially when the guy’s an ass-sorry, Yukina-like, say, Shishi.”
Kurama’s eyes crinkled in amusement. Nice save, they said. “Agreed,” he verbalized, turning back to his schoolwork. “It’d be nice for some peace and quiet for a change.”
Hiei rolled his eyes. Usually the only reaction he got from Kurama’s stalkers was a look as though they feared he might whip out a mask and a knife.
A clatter in front of him, but instead of a newspaper, this time it was his-but-really-Kurama’s order. “Yo Fox-boy,” Yusuke said, face lit up with a leer. “Your friend’s here.”
“Which one…?” Kurama began to groan-until he saw who it actually was by the door, and began to gather his things up. Quickly he threw some money on the table. “Enjoy the peach buns, Hiei,” he told the Jaganshi on his way past.
Hiei rolled his eyes again. “Spar you later,” he muttered. The Fox had said before that their weekly activity was the only real work-out he was getting these days.
“See what I mean?” Kuwabara said, as soon as Kurama had departed with Yuu Kaito, and it was safe. Hiei pulled a face, though in fact he harbored suspicions more potent than those of anyone else present regarding the nature of his companion’s study sessions.
“Whatever nurses your ego, little brother,” Shizuru said, looking at her watch. “Come on, Yukina, it’s time to go.”
“Hey, where’re you kidnapping my girlfriend?!” Kuwabara demanded. Hiei pulled another face.
Shizuru held up a hand, waggled her fingers. “Nails. You’ll get her back in a couple of hours.” Kuwabara muttered a begrudged-sounding “Fine.”
“Bye, Kazuma,” the Koorime said as Shizuru took one of her hands. “Bye, Hiei-Oh, what color?”
What color? Nails, he realized. “Green?” Even Kuwabara gave him a weird look. “Red?”
“Red’s an idea,” Shizuru said as she led Yukina away.
As soon as they’d departed, and it was safe, Yusuke walked over, leaned across the counter, and in a mock-whisper said, “You think they’re scissoring?”
“I’ll SCISSOR YOU, URAMESHI!!!” Kuwabara bellowed, looking around for a pair.
A new customer came in, diverting Yusuke’s attention. “Yeah, well.” He gravitated down the counter. “Maybe you ought to hold off at least until Keiko’s out of night class.”
“Forget you, man, I’m done.” Kuwabara emptied the last of his coffee cup, put down some money and made to leave. Hiei sat a moment longer, reflecting that he was probably sleeping at Kurama’s tonight, but that the Fox’s study session-“study session”-might take longer than Yukina getting her nails painted would. Reaching a decision, he stuck a peach bun in his mouth, wrapped the others in a napkin, and followed Kuwabara, grabbing the discarded magazine on his way out.
A catalog of human vanity, he thought as he looked over it. Celebrity hook-ups and speculated hook-ups … though he supposed they were doing the same thing in the bistro. Hair and make-up, probably the most flamboyant vanity; although Shizuru was a beautician, and nonetheless one of the humans that he got along with most. Then the most common, weight. Well, Kurama had developed a little belly since resuming school, but didn’t make a scene beyond insisting that they stick to their sparring routines. That, and the new weird-tasting food that’d taken over the Fox’s apartment…
Fuck. Hiei needed a vacation from his vacation.
-Or at least to look up from the page on occasion, he thought in hindsight once he’d walked into the back of Kuwabara.
“Watch it, Shrimp! Geez, probably walk out right into traffic if I weren’t around to keep an eye on you.”
“I can keep an eye on myself with a set to spare!” Hiei growled in retaliation. In his defense he gestured wildly with his hands, and wound up hitting Kuwabara in the arm with the magazine.
The carrot-top looked at it. “Heh. Didn’t know you read that shit.”
“It’s yours,” he pointed out hotly.
“Yeah, but I got it for Yukina. She’s interested in this sort of stuff.”
“Why?” Hiei found himself wondering aloud.
“I dunno. Maybe it’s educational, so she knows what to wear to not look like a mini-ninja-“
Hiei was about to retort, but humped as suddenly a rather large, rather loud vehicle pulled up screeching right beside him.
“-or what a bus is,” Kuwabara finished, his tone superior.
“I know what a bus is!” he growled. He’d already learned the functions of day-to-day human life either by observation or from Kurama.
-Not that he always had the means to perform said functions, he thought, staring blankly at the coin slot on the bus. All his money was at Kurama’s.
Kuwabara made a little self-satisfactory snort as he dropped several coins in, and handed Hiei the ticket. “Like I said.”
Great, so Kuwabara had control of basic motor skills, Hiei was real fucking impressed.
Out of idleness Hiei thumbed through the magazine, paused-and widened his eyes as he came upon an article that he was sure was geared at the magazine’s probably widely female audience:
“10 Things He Wants to Do In Bed.”
So this is the third pairing I drew out, and the first one I've written so far. People, this is by far not the oddest pairing I drew, so this is just a glimpse of things to come (hah). It actually wound up being so long that I cannot post it in its entirety in a single entry, so I'm splitting it in two. Second part to follow immediately after I post this entry.
Thanks to my sister Amanda, who recalled the incident on the set of The Lord of the Rings that gave this fic its premise and its name. Thanks to blossomwitch and rotynd for the characters. And thanks to mhmartini for spawning the meme responsible for this fuckery!
I dub thee,
Human Scum
30 June 2009
It was late afternoon, at the eatery that Yusuke had taken to calling a bistro to appeal to his growing clientele of students, as he figured that “bistro” sounded more intellectual than “noodle house.” A stupid idea, Hiei thought-but then, it seemed to attract more humans of that age since the name change.
With that in mind, Hiei thought the ones that bred these students ought to consider asking for their money back, if their “educated” offspring were so easily duped.
Swat! Hiei raised an eyebrow as a rolled-up newspaper slammed won on the counter next to him, then looked up at the one wielding the paper. “Is that really necessary?” he asked Yusuke.
“Order something or vacate the counter,” the taller brunette told him. “You’re taking up prime real estate doing nothing.” Hiei glowered.
Beside him Kurama quickly piped up, “Untrue, Yusuke. He’ll have an order of peach buns; I’ll pay.”
Hiei smirked as Yusuke let them be. He knew it wasn’t an act of charity on Kurama’s part-the redhead had just arrived from his last class for the day, and would probably eat most if not all the buns himself. Actually, Hiei knew the Fox’s motives were purely self-centered-Kurama was positioned by the window, and if Hiei relocated, the seat beside him would certainly be filled-and Kurama trapped-by one of the college girls who kept sending him furtive, unrequited glances from the booth by the door.
“Human scum.”
Red hair shifted as Kurama tilted his head toward Hiei. “You say something?”
He hadn’t. Both turned around to face the booth behind them.
“Sounds kinky,” Shizuru said.
“Ew, shut up, I’m trying to read.” Kuwabara smoothed out the entertainment magazine he was looking at, and recited: “ ‘During an interview on the set, the actor, who plays the reluctant heir to an ancient royal bloodline in the trilogy, was tackled by a young costar, who pronounced him “human scum” and kissed him’-Ew.”
Hiei snorted.
“Any pictures?” Shizuru asked.
“Not of the actual thing, you pervert, but here.” Kuwabara slid the magazine across the table so that she and Yukina could have a look.
“Right,” the older psychic said, pointing a chipped fingernail at a glossy, if slightly water-damaged, photo. “He plays the Ranger…” Her finger slid across the page, “And he’s the Elf.” She pursed her lips. “He looks better with the wig. All that long, silver hair…”
“Is an irritant to keep clean,” Kurama murmured, pushing back his own currently more colorful, more textured locks, “and neat.”
“Hey, don’t think I don’t see you fidgeting; I’ll kill you if you cut yours.”
The redhead smirked. “Don’t worry, that’d be impractical. Now, perhaps a trim-?”
“No.” Then she looked thoughtful. “Maybe. If I get to do it.”
“I thought elves were little,” Kuwabara said, then looked at Hiei with a stupid grin. “Hey Shorty, you ever put on a pair of green tights and ride around in the back of a sleigh?” Hiei replied with a venomous glare, then redirected it, as beside him Kurama began to snicker very softly.
Meanwhile Yukina was looking over the article. “I like the other one better,” she decided.
“Thank you!” Kuwabara exclaimed. “Finally, a girl this day in age who remembers that men get dirty and grow stubble and sweat. It’s like very other girl nowadays goes gaga for some delicate-featured, long-haired pretty-boy, even though when they’re not stalking him he’s probably taking it up the-.” He paused when he noticed the pair of eyes watching him through slightly narrowed lids. “Uh, not that there’s anything wrong with that,” he quickly amended. “Just gets annoying-especially when the guy’s an ass-sorry, Yukina-like, say, Shishi.”
Kurama’s eyes crinkled in amusement. Nice save, they said. “Agreed,” he verbalized, turning back to his schoolwork. “It’d be nice for some peace and quiet for a change.”
Hiei rolled his eyes. Usually the only reaction he got from Kurama’s stalkers was a look as though they feared he might whip out a mask and a knife.
A clatter in front of him, but instead of a newspaper, this time it was his-but-really-Kurama’s order. “Yo Fox-boy,” Yusuke said, face lit up with a leer. “Your friend’s here.”
“Which one…?” Kurama began to groan-until he saw who it actually was by the door, and began to gather his things up. Quickly he threw some money on the table. “Enjoy the peach buns, Hiei,” he told the Jaganshi on his way past.
Hiei rolled his eyes again. “Spar you later,” he muttered. The Fox had said before that their weekly activity was the only real work-out he was getting these days.
“See what I mean?” Kuwabara said, as soon as Kurama had departed with Yuu Kaito, and it was safe. Hiei pulled a face, though in fact he harbored suspicions more potent than those of anyone else present regarding the nature of his companion’s study sessions.
“Whatever nurses your ego, little brother,” Shizuru said, looking at her watch. “Come on, Yukina, it’s time to go.”
“Hey, where’re you kidnapping my girlfriend?!” Kuwabara demanded. Hiei pulled another face.
Shizuru held up a hand, waggled her fingers. “Nails. You’ll get her back in a couple of hours.” Kuwabara muttered a begrudged-sounding “Fine.”
“Bye, Kazuma,” the Koorime said as Shizuru took one of her hands. “Bye, Hiei-Oh, what color?”
What color? Nails, he realized. “Green?” Even Kuwabara gave him a weird look. “Red?”
“Red’s an idea,” Shizuru said as she led Yukina away.
As soon as they’d departed, and it was safe, Yusuke walked over, leaned across the counter, and in a mock-whisper said, “You think they’re scissoring?”
“I’ll SCISSOR YOU, URAMESHI!!!” Kuwabara bellowed, looking around for a pair.
A new customer came in, diverting Yusuke’s attention. “Yeah, well.” He gravitated down the counter. “Maybe you ought to hold off at least until Keiko’s out of night class.”
“Forget you, man, I’m done.” Kuwabara emptied the last of his coffee cup, put down some money and made to leave. Hiei sat a moment longer, reflecting that he was probably sleeping at Kurama’s tonight, but that the Fox’s study session-“study session”-might take longer than Yukina getting her nails painted would. Reaching a decision, he stuck a peach bun in his mouth, wrapped the others in a napkin, and followed Kuwabara, grabbing the discarded magazine on his way out.
A catalog of human vanity, he thought as he looked over it. Celebrity hook-ups and speculated hook-ups … though he supposed they were doing the same thing in the bistro. Hair and make-up, probably the most flamboyant vanity; although Shizuru was a beautician, and nonetheless one of the humans that he got along with most. Then the most common, weight. Well, Kurama had developed a little belly since resuming school, but didn’t make a scene beyond insisting that they stick to their sparring routines. That, and the new weird-tasting food that’d taken over the Fox’s apartment…
Fuck. Hiei needed a vacation from his vacation.
-Or at least to look up from the page on occasion, he thought in hindsight once he’d walked into the back of Kuwabara.
“Watch it, Shrimp! Geez, probably walk out right into traffic if I weren’t around to keep an eye on you.”
“I can keep an eye on myself with a set to spare!” Hiei growled in retaliation. In his defense he gestured wildly with his hands, and wound up hitting Kuwabara in the arm with the magazine.
The carrot-top looked at it. “Heh. Didn’t know you read that shit.”
“It’s yours,” he pointed out hotly.
“Yeah, but I got it for Yukina. She’s interested in this sort of stuff.”
“Why?” Hiei found himself wondering aloud.
“I dunno. Maybe it’s educational, so she knows what to wear to not look like a mini-ninja-“
Hiei was about to retort, but humped as suddenly a rather large, rather loud vehicle pulled up screeching right beside him.
“-or what a bus is,” Kuwabara finished, his tone superior.
“I know what a bus is!” he growled. He’d already learned the functions of day-to-day human life either by observation or from Kurama.
-Not that he always had the means to perform said functions, he thought, staring blankly at the coin slot on the bus. All his money was at Kurama’s.
Kuwabara made a little self-satisfactory snort as he dropped several coins in, and handed Hiei the ticket. “Like I said.”
Great, so Kuwabara had control of basic motor skills, Hiei was real fucking impressed.
Out of idleness Hiei thumbed through the magazine, paused-and widened his eyes as he came upon an article that he was sure was geared at the magazine’s probably widely female audience:
“10 Things He Wants to Do In Bed.”