i cant seem to get away from those luis'
why is my computer acting slow, its driving me up a goddamn wall its brand fucking new!
i think i need to delete limewire.
FUCK.
i unplugged my external harddrive but its still being slow and lagging like a motherfucker.
maybe i should send it back in or something.
so, luis.. "(cricket)"
our relationship, or lack of it... is quite interesting, and different then anything ive ever encountered.
but, im guessing that is a good thing.
we are... were just us
thank god he is used to crazy freak outs.. cause he didnt give up on me after i got a little psycho
he was backing off and i flipped out, which consequently made him back off more.
then i ended up going down to miami to party with michelle and shannon in coconut grove,
visited him at work on the way there, then i hung out with him afterwards until about 6 or 7am
then he passed out while i gave him a massage...
we talked out our issues, why he cut me off and all that jazz... i have a better understanding
now about what his thinking is on whats going on exactly...
i have to keep in mind that there is noone in the world like me, but
liek my therapist says, no matter how wonderful you are, he will still be him and you cannot change that.
if he says flat out hes not wanting a relationship with anyone and is just getting to know people,
then that is exactly what he will do, no matter how wonderful you are, you cannot make him want a relationship.
i am always afraid though, that he will go head first into a relationship with someone else, while im here playing the 'we're taking it slow' game. i am always afraid he just doesnt care enough about me, specifically.
but thinking positive is what im doing, and if we are meant to be together, we will.
i just have to give it a chance, and i hope he is giving it a chance too and not pushing me away.
im trying my hardest not to hold all my emotions in when im around him and just act how i want to
but at the same time im worried he will think im too attached, too emotionally involved, and too needy
so i distance myself as much as i can, i try to stop myself in the act of: trying to control him, arguing past when its needed, or keeping a grudge and bringing up the past.
im not sure when im seeing him again, but i hope that he will text me some day soon. i miss him as soon as i leave his presence. he makes me feel comfortable, and at peace... i love to watch him while he sleeps, i love laying next to him while he runs his fingers through my hair and down my arms... and when he lays on me with his head in the curve of my lower back... and how i fit perfectly in his legs when he plays his video games... and he asks me if its okay for him to smoke around me...and that his skin is perfectly smooth.
i like his laugh, his smile, his voice, and DEFINITELY HIS ASS! (which he shakes very well) ;)
cricket....
and im just happy, because when i told him i deleted his number because i thought i was never going to talk to him again, he said something like "see, that should mean something..." like its a sign... and then i said, have i ever told you i had an anger problem?, he said "no... i have a worse one"
im proud that ive broken my three week curse, ive realized that it was a self fulfilled prophecy.
as of today, i have known and liked and carried on with cricket since i met him march 14th... so it has been about a month and a half. i think theres something really here with him, and im excited to find out.
<3
-alii
i think i need to delete limewire.
FUCK.
i unplugged my external harddrive but its still being slow and lagging like a motherfucker.
maybe i should send it back in or something.
so, luis.. "(cricket)"
our relationship, or lack of it... is quite interesting, and different then anything ive ever encountered.
but, im guessing that is a good thing.
we are... were just us
thank god he is used to crazy freak outs.. cause he didnt give up on me after i got a little psycho
he was backing off and i flipped out, which consequently made him back off more.
then i ended up going down to miami to party with michelle and shannon in coconut grove,
visited him at work on the way there, then i hung out with him afterwards until about 6 or 7am
then he passed out while i gave him a massage...
we talked out our issues, why he cut me off and all that jazz... i have a better understanding
now about what his thinking is on whats going on exactly...
i have to keep in mind that there is noone in the world like me, but
liek my therapist says, no matter how wonderful you are, he will still be him and you cannot change that.
if he says flat out hes not wanting a relationship with anyone and is just getting to know people,
then that is exactly what he will do, no matter how wonderful you are, you cannot make him want a relationship.
i am always afraid though, that he will go head first into a relationship with someone else, while im here playing the 'we're taking it slow' game. i am always afraid he just doesnt care enough about me, specifically.
but thinking positive is what im doing, and if we are meant to be together, we will.
i just have to give it a chance, and i hope he is giving it a chance too and not pushing me away.
im trying my hardest not to hold all my emotions in when im around him and just act how i want to
but at the same time im worried he will think im too attached, too emotionally involved, and too needy
so i distance myself as much as i can, i try to stop myself in the act of: trying to control him, arguing past when its needed, or keeping a grudge and bringing up the past.
im not sure when im seeing him again, but i hope that he will text me some day soon. i miss him as soon as i leave his presence. he makes me feel comfortable, and at peace... i love to watch him while he sleeps, i love laying next to him while he runs his fingers through my hair and down my arms... and when he lays on me with his head in the curve of my lower back... and how i fit perfectly in his legs when he plays his video games... and he asks me if its okay for him to smoke around me...and that his skin is perfectly smooth.
i like his laugh, his smile, his voice, and DEFINITELY HIS ASS! (which he shakes very well) ;)
cricket....
and im just happy, because when i told him i deleted his number because i thought i was never going to talk to him again, he said something like "see, that should mean something..." like its a sign... and then i said, have i ever told you i had an anger problem?, he said "no... i have a worse one"
im proud that ive broken my three week curse, ive realized that it was a self fulfilled prophecy.
as of today, i have known and liked and carried on with cricket since i met him march 14th... so it has been about a month and a half. i think theres something really here with him, and im excited to find out.
<3
-alii