soontobe 25 days 'sober'
well, last night was another hard night for me
i hadnt talked to chris all day and
i found out beau is doing good in wpb,
and i just want to be a part of his life when hes happy as much
as i wanted to be his support during his failures...
i dont know its just hard for me.
i cried a little, just sucks i cant talk to him if i want to.
i mean i can, but after all the shit, him not coming, losing that 300 bucks,
staying 'sober' this long, and my mom changing my phone number for me... having
to hear me cry for hours in the middle of the night when it happened...
lexie and jannell hearing about it, and me texting or calling them
whenever i wanted to call him really bad...
i cant just call him, and throw all that away.
i want to be strong, and some days im doing so good, then others i just crash.
chris talking to me lately has helped keep my mind off of it. for the most part.
i just feel like i want to be in wpb so bad right now,
id be dating chris, or id be dating beau, one or the other, and i would be so happy,
atleast for a month or two, possibly longer if im dating chris and just friends with beau.
and i just want to be there with jannell, and lex, and ayrton and jj and amanda and josh.
ugh.
i just dont know if i can stay until december. it just seems too far away.
-alii
i hadnt talked to chris all day and
i found out beau is doing good in wpb,
and i just want to be a part of his life when hes happy as much
as i wanted to be his support during his failures...
i dont know its just hard for me.
i cried a little, just sucks i cant talk to him if i want to.
i mean i can, but after all the shit, him not coming, losing that 300 bucks,
staying 'sober' this long, and my mom changing my phone number for me... having
to hear me cry for hours in the middle of the night when it happened...
lexie and jannell hearing about it, and me texting or calling them
whenever i wanted to call him really bad...
i cant just call him, and throw all that away.
i want to be strong, and some days im doing so good, then others i just crash.
chris talking to me lately has helped keep my mind off of it. for the most part.
i just feel like i want to be in wpb so bad right now,
id be dating chris, or id be dating beau, one or the other, and i would be so happy,
atleast for a month or two, possibly longer if im dating chris and just friends with beau.
and i just want to be there with jannell, and lex, and ayrton and jj and amanda and josh.
ugh.
i just dont know if i can stay until december. it just seems too far away.
-alii