(no subject)

[thornsinchrist]

Maybe I am strung out. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I just don't know my surrounding anymore, I've lost my footing. Haley loves me. But is it guilt? Is her emotions eating her alive, does she care? What do I know, what I do I care, what do I do? Is it really a big deal? Did I turn out the way they said I was going to turn out, a psychopath? A man without a sense of reality, without of sanity. So should I just put this out of my mind? should I live and forget, should I just ingnore this pain I feel inside, hiding my emotions from Haley? No, I'm breaking some habits, we need to break this thoughts of paranoia, distrust, and feelings of competition. But why this terrible feeling? Why can't I forgive Haley for these tiny secrets she's hiding from me. She hides emails from me and says she doesn't want me to read what she writes to him. Why? What is she hiding that is so bad? Should I hide stuff from her? We need to talk. She needs to know how I feel. I guess this wouldn't be so bad but it happens constantly, well its happened more than once. Why? Am I not a good boyfriend, well maybe she is looking for someone yummy. I'm not a model, but any normal standards, I'm not even good looking. I'm too chubby, I'm too short, hell I'm probably not even good in bed. So what is she looking for. Someone yummy. Fuck that.

I might not be all she needs, but she needs to know that I will try. And all she has to do is tell me.
Because I love her, I've seen this relationship in rocky times and in memorable times, and I'm not ready to give that up.