Did you keep a watch for a dead man's wind, did you see the woman with the comb in her hand
Louise is finally out of the hospital, after some surgery and a medicated coma, so that's good. It just isn't the holiday season if she hasn't scared the shit out of me with health issues or some kind of felony charge. So, I guess I feel okay about talking about her and the rest of New York now.
Apart from Halloween, which I'm still not allowed to talk about in detail, the visit to New York last month went well. I've fine-tuned my defenses against New York; instead of fighting it, I find it easier to make myself so unremarkable that it simply does not notice me. This works out well for most circumstances, the most obvious being the night we went to a comedy club and were seated in the very front row, right next to the microphone. And though every single person within the front row was skewered at some point, we were somehow skipped over every time. On the subway trip back to Louise's apartment, we were in the same car as a magnificent drag queen and her entourage, and they took no notice of us while they heckled every other passenger in the car and demanded gay action, though that may relate to the whole thing where everyone thinks Louise and I are together anyway. Same deal in restaurants-- there's no difference, because whenever I eat with Louise everyone always assumes we are a couple and she is the butch, even though she's the one with the rack. I suspect it's because I always let her order the wine.
Taxis will still stop for me, but the drivers no longer want to talk. People on the street take no notice at our being drunk on the streets at five in the morning. (Though I assume that's nothing to do with me; that's just a New Yorker thing where they really don't give a shit.)
It does backfire on trains, because now I always end up with someone sitting next to me, as I appear non-threatening and unlikely to contest armrest space. I have to adjust my way to being just mildly eccentric enough to keep away bossy seatmates, but not crazy enough to get investigated by the transit authorities. Perhaps some quiet muttering and facial twitching will do the job. I also got pulled for a security check on the way up from DC, which is remarkable mostly for the fact the guard wanted to go through the bag I had stored most of my costume doo-dads in. After he'd pulled out the pirate hat, the merry widow bra, the fake plastic sword, and the wig, he decided I had no items of national threat within, and let me pass.
Aside from not getting made fun of in comedy clubs and undisclosed acts of public debauchery, we also re-visited the first sex shop Louise ever took me to in New York. (The Pink Pussy Cat Boutique, for those interested.) There, I did my best to fend off the attractive and much-pierced cashier who was doing her best to sell me some pink vibrator with an angel theme, when all I wanted was to choose a Christmas gift for flidgetjerome from amongst their surprisingly wide variety of dolphin paraphernalia.
Most of Saturday and part of Sunday are missing because of Halloween. I do recall eating a delicious roast beef sandwich with arugula, plum tomatoes, and lemon juice at one point, but it is a small point of sanity in a sea of German grad students dressed as John Travolta, stolen bottles of raspberry Stolichnaya vodka, Louise hitting a guy in the face with his cell phone, and being briefly detained by the cops. (Those last two items not related. I was the one detained, not her.)
The train ride home was fine, except I was a dumbass and had bought the ticket for Sunday morning instead of Monday. I rushed to the desk in a panic, got it changed, and was told my new train was leaving in four minutes. I did a wind sprint to the platform, and about thirty seconds after I'd plopped into my seat, the train started moving.
Louise tells me that now she is seriously in the market for a new liver, we will probably have no more occasions like the Halloween Event. This is probably good, because I seriously don’t know if I could do another of those and survive, at least not without a criminal record or the need for some organ replacements of my own.
In summation, it was pretty much exactly what I expect being a side character in a Grand Theft Auto game is like.
Speaking of potential traffic accidents. The deer have been in rut, and hence are crazier than usual. I was driving home one night and had to stop for a six point buck that appeared to have serious concerns about my stealing his girlfriend. I know about the need for overpopulation check and all that, but to me it still seems like a dick move to be killing deer who are distracted by the fact that all they want to do is get their bone on.
I cooked rice pudding a while ago, and it was okay but not great. While soranokumo was here, we had a dessert platter that included rice pudding, and that put me in the mood to try it again. This time, I tinkered with the recipe and sort of cross-bred an Alton Brown recipe for Indian-style kheer rice pudding with traditional rice pudding, and it came out much better.
The previous recipe called for uncooked Arborio rice to simmer in the milk, which took forever and still left it slightly more al dente than I care for; the new recipe used cooked rice (it called for Basmati, but I used the leftover rice we got from our Chinese carryout) and I'm sticking with that from now. Plus, the kheer recipe proportions kept the pudding more liquidy, which I like, as opposed to the last pudding eventually solidifying to a less appetizing mass when the rice sopped up all the milk.
Therefore, have a recipe for awesome recipe pudding below. Proportions are hinky because I was adjusting as I went.
1 and 1/2 boxes of leftover Chinese carryout rice*
2 cups whole milk
1 cup heavy cream
1 can coconut milk
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom**
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup golden raisins
1 vanilla bean with seeds scraped, or 1 teaspoon vanilla extract***
* Recipe originally called for 1 cup of basmati rice, cooked. You'd probably have to increase that to 1 and 1/2 cups of rice, because I ended up doubling the recipe anyway. I suck at measuring rice, okay? I never cook rice in small quantities because my family eats it all the time, and we use this random cup that is calibrated to the ancient rice cooker we still use.
** Okay. Cardamom is expensive. I totally understand if you are reluctant to shell out because the standard grocery stores overprice it, but I agree with everyone else that you really can't duplicate its flavor with other spices. Go to an Indian grocery store and they should have it for much cheaper; or beg a couple pods off a nice friend who already has some. I actually found mine for under five bucks at Whole Foods. You don't have to buy it ground, either; if you get the pods just grind them up with a mortar and pestle. This actually gives you fresher taste.
*** Ditto the cardamom, vanilla beans are expensive and overpriced in the stores. I get mine wholesale at Costco, or you can get 'em cheaper through Amazon. I use Madagascar Bourbon beans, but I keep meaning to try Tahiti ones. I really like the taste they give and seeing the bean specks in the pudding, but you can use vanilla extract instead without any loss.
Directions!
Combine the cooked rice and milk in a large nonstick pan over medium heat. Scrape the vanilla bean, if you are using one. I do this by using one of my spare exacto knives to slit the damn thing, then I use the tip of a kitchen knife to scrape out the caviar beans inside. Plonk all the scrapings in the milk and rice and drop the scraped out bean halves in there as well. If you're using the vanilla extract instead, don't add it until later.
Stir it around. Heat until the mixture just begins to boil. Decrease the heat to low, and cook at a simmer until the mixture begins to thicken. Keep stirring it.
Increase the heat to medium again. Add the heavy cream, coconut milk, sugar, cardamom, nutmeg, cinnamon, salt, and vanilla extract if you are using that instead of the bean. The spices may try to clump up, but just use a whisk or stir briskly to incorporate them all equally. Depending on which flavor you like, cinnamon, nutmeg, or cardamom, you can add a bit more of that to get a pronounced edge. But a little spice goes a long way, so take it easy and taste while you go. Don't let it scorch; keep it on the edge of a simmering boil.
Continue to cook until the mixture just begins to thicken again. Initially, it will seem way too liquid, but trust me, the rice is still going to soak it up. Once the mixture just begins to thicken again, remove from the heat and stir in the raisins.
Fish out the vanilla bean halves if you used them, rinse them off, and dry them. You can use them again for another recipe, or stick them in a container with sugar to make vanilla sugar, or shove them up your nose and pretend to be a walrus, or whatever. Go nuts, the world is your oyster.
Transfer the mixture to individual serving dishes or a glass bowl and place plastic wrap directly on the surface of the pudding to keep it from getting a skin. The raisins are going to plump up inside and it's going to get a bit thicker, but it should still be nice and creamy.
Serve chilled or at room temperature. Personally, I like it warm. If you want it to be more like kheer, add more milk to keep it soupy. You could also add chopped pistachios, which add an interesting texture and a nice tinge of salt contrast. Someone else suggested a bit of rosewater or orange flower water for an exotic touch, which I'll have to try someday.
Eat. (Remove the plastic wrap first.) Finish eating.
Someday, I would desperately love to use the phrase, "Straighter than John Wayne voting for Reagan on a horse" as a title for a story.
Apart from Halloween, which I'm still not allowed to talk about in detail, the visit to New York last month went well. I've fine-tuned my defenses against New York; instead of fighting it, I find it easier to make myself so unremarkable that it simply does not notice me. This works out well for most circumstances, the most obvious being the night we went to a comedy club and were seated in the very front row, right next to the microphone. And though every single person within the front row was skewered at some point, we were somehow skipped over every time. On the subway trip back to Louise's apartment, we were in the same car as a magnificent drag queen and her entourage, and they took no notice of us while they heckled every other passenger in the car and demanded gay action, though that may relate to the whole thing where everyone thinks Louise and I are together anyway. Same deal in restaurants-- there's no difference, because whenever I eat with Louise everyone always assumes we are a couple and she is the butch, even though she's the one with the rack. I suspect it's because I always let her order the wine.
Taxis will still stop for me, but the drivers no longer want to talk. People on the street take no notice at our being drunk on the streets at five in the morning. (Though I assume that's nothing to do with me; that's just a New Yorker thing where they really don't give a shit.)
It does backfire on trains, because now I always end up with someone sitting next to me, as I appear non-threatening and unlikely to contest armrest space. I have to adjust my way to being just mildly eccentric enough to keep away bossy seatmates, but not crazy enough to get investigated by the transit authorities. Perhaps some quiet muttering and facial twitching will do the job. I also got pulled for a security check on the way up from DC, which is remarkable mostly for the fact the guard wanted to go through the bag I had stored most of my costume doo-dads in. After he'd pulled out the pirate hat, the merry widow bra, the fake plastic sword, and the wig, he decided I had no items of national threat within, and let me pass.
Aside from not getting made fun of in comedy clubs and undisclosed acts of public debauchery, we also re-visited the first sex shop Louise ever took me to in New York. (The Pink Pussy Cat Boutique, for those interested.) There, I did my best to fend off the attractive and much-pierced cashier who was doing her best to sell me some pink vibrator with an angel theme, when all I wanted was to choose a Christmas gift for flidgetjerome from amongst their surprisingly wide variety of dolphin paraphernalia.
Most of Saturday and part of Sunday are missing because of Halloween. I do recall eating a delicious roast beef sandwich with arugula, plum tomatoes, and lemon juice at one point, but it is a small point of sanity in a sea of German grad students dressed as John Travolta, stolen bottles of raspberry Stolichnaya vodka, Louise hitting a guy in the face with his cell phone, and being briefly detained by the cops. (Those last two items not related. I was the one detained, not her.)
The train ride home was fine, except I was a dumbass and had bought the ticket for Sunday morning instead of Monday. I rushed to the desk in a panic, got it changed, and was told my new train was leaving in four minutes. I did a wind sprint to the platform, and about thirty seconds after I'd plopped into my seat, the train started moving.
Louise tells me that now she is seriously in the market for a new liver, we will probably have no more occasions like the Halloween Event. This is probably good, because I seriously don’t know if I could do another of those and survive, at least not without a criminal record or the need for some organ replacements of my own.
In summation, it was pretty much exactly what I expect being a side character in a Grand Theft Auto game is like.
Speaking of potential traffic accidents. The deer have been in rut, and hence are crazier than usual. I was driving home one night and had to stop for a six point buck that appeared to have serious concerns about my stealing his girlfriend. I know about the need for overpopulation check and all that, but to me it still seems like a dick move to be killing deer who are distracted by the fact that all they want to do is get their bone on.
I cooked rice pudding a while ago, and it was okay but not great. While soranokumo was here, we had a dessert platter that included rice pudding, and that put me in the mood to try it again. This time, I tinkered with the recipe and sort of cross-bred an Alton Brown recipe for Indian-style kheer rice pudding with traditional rice pudding, and it came out much better.
The previous recipe called for uncooked Arborio rice to simmer in the milk, which took forever and still left it slightly more al dente than I care for; the new recipe used cooked rice (it called for Basmati, but I used the leftover rice we got from our Chinese carryout) and I'm sticking with that from now. Plus, the kheer recipe proportions kept the pudding more liquidy, which I like, as opposed to the last pudding eventually solidifying to a less appetizing mass when the rice sopped up all the milk.
Therefore, have a recipe for awesome recipe pudding below. Proportions are hinky because I was adjusting as I went.
1 and 1/2 boxes of leftover Chinese carryout rice*
2 cups whole milk
1 cup heavy cream
1 can coconut milk
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom**
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup golden raisins
1 vanilla bean with seeds scraped, or 1 teaspoon vanilla extract***
* Recipe originally called for 1 cup of basmati rice, cooked. You'd probably have to increase that to 1 and 1/2 cups of rice, because I ended up doubling the recipe anyway. I suck at measuring rice, okay? I never cook rice in small quantities because my family eats it all the time, and we use this random cup that is calibrated to the ancient rice cooker we still use.
** Okay. Cardamom is expensive. I totally understand if you are reluctant to shell out because the standard grocery stores overprice it, but I agree with everyone else that you really can't duplicate its flavor with other spices. Go to an Indian grocery store and they should have it for much cheaper; or beg a couple pods off a nice friend who already has some. I actually found mine for under five bucks at Whole Foods. You don't have to buy it ground, either; if you get the pods just grind them up with a mortar and pestle. This actually gives you fresher taste.
*** Ditto the cardamom, vanilla beans are expensive and overpriced in the stores. I get mine wholesale at Costco, or you can get 'em cheaper through Amazon. I use Madagascar Bourbon beans, but I keep meaning to try Tahiti ones. I really like the taste they give and seeing the bean specks in the pudding, but you can use vanilla extract instead without any loss.
Directions!
Combine the cooked rice and milk in a large nonstick pan over medium heat. Scrape the vanilla bean, if you are using one. I do this by using one of my spare exacto knives to slit the damn thing, then I use the tip of a kitchen knife to scrape out the caviar beans inside. Plonk all the scrapings in the milk and rice and drop the scraped out bean halves in there as well. If you're using the vanilla extract instead, don't add it until later.
Stir it around. Heat until the mixture just begins to boil. Decrease the heat to low, and cook at a simmer until the mixture begins to thicken. Keep stirring it.
Increase the heat to medium again. Add the heavy cream, coconut milk, sugar, cardamom, nutmeg, cinnamon, salt, and vanilla extract if you are using that instead of the bean. The spices may try to clump up, but just use a whisk or stir briskly to incorporate them all equally. Depending on which flavor you like, cinnamon, nutmeg, or cardamom, you can add a bit more of that to get a pronounced edge. But a little spice goes a long way, so take it easy and taste while you go. Don't let it scorch; keep it on the edge of a simmering boil.
Continue to cook until the mixture just begins to thicken again. Initially, it will seem way too liquid, but trust me, the rice is still going to soak it up. Once the mixture just begins to thicken again, remove from the heat and stir in the raisins.
Fish out the vanilla bean halves if you used them, rinse them off, and dry them. You can use them again for another recipe, or stick them in a container with sugar to make vanilla sugar, or shove them up your nose and pretend to be a walrus, or whatever. Go nuts, the world is your oyster.
Transfer the mixture to individual serving dishes or a glass bowl and place plastic wrap directly on the surface of the pudding to keep it from getting a skin. The raisins are going to plump up inside and it's going to get a bit thicker, but it should still be nice and creamy.
Serve chilled or at room temperature. Personally, I like it warm. If you want it to be more like kheer, add more milk to keep it soupy. You could also add chopped pistachios, which add an interesting texture and a nice tinge of salt contrast. Someone else suggested a bit of rosewater or orange flower water for an exotic touch, which I'll have to try someday.
Eat. (Remove the plastic wrap first.) Finish eating.
Someday, I would desperately love to use the phrase, "Straighter than John Wayne voting for Reagan on a horse" as a title for a story.