I'm not a coward, I've just never been tested
Who the fuck let me near a computer four years ago? Matter of fact, why are you still letting me near a computer? I've been rereading all my old things, journalling and fic writing both, and am generally mortified. I certainly violated some sort of unlimited italics license, not to mention the friggin' pretentiousness of busting out non-capitalized phrases and such in the middle of paragraphs for no reason. We shall not even speak of the horrid abuse of parantheses. And now I want to clean up everything I've written ever-- not sure why it's one of those nights, but it just is. Ai-yah.
There's a certain pronunciation and inflection to that which loses something in being text on a screen. It's something I picked up off my aunt, and it's a phrase pronounced in such a way which I'm convinced only Chinese-American ladies of a certain age can do.
Actually, I dreamed that I went to Neil Gaiman's house, which is infinitely superior, at least as per my dream version. Dream Neil Gaiman was very pleasant to talk to, wore a leather jacket, and showed me around his house which he was developing into some sort of fantastic museum devoted to various aspects of his work, including a grand scale version of the Coraline settings and characters, and the angel exhibit from Neverwhere, and Crowley's Bentley. I was very disappointed to wake up and realize that there is not, in fact, such a museum.
I think I should note that even in my dreams, I am stupidly concerned with real details. I distinctly recall noting in the dream that Neil Gaiman was smokin' hot, but his family was totally there as well and I thought it would be in bad taste to flirt. And because I don't know much about Sandman, I didn't visit that part of the museum, which I sort of want to kick dream self for doing.
It was a glorious day here, with the weather mild but brisk at the same time, which is a difficult balance to achieve perfectly, and you only get that sort of autumn day at very specific times. You have all the benefits of autumnal glory-- trees in blazing color, the smell of smoke and leaves, wind everywhere-- and at the same time, have the not-too-cold and not-too-warm weather you get with an Indian summer. I expected the temperature to drop drastically in the evening, but it stayed perfect.
When I took the dog out for his evening walk it was downright magical. You get that sometimes, and we went walking though a section of the neighborhood with a lot of oak trees, so the wind would blow in the top of the trees and suddenly go still, but all you'd hear about you were acorns dropping. It was creepy but very lovely at the same time. At least I assumed they were acorns dropping. Meanwhile, here we go walking through the yellow sodiumlight pools cast by the streetlamps and feeling like we're about to walk right into some sort of pagan ritual in the heart of Americana suburbs. Glorious. This was the sort of night I miss from college because it would have been the perfect night to go tromping through the graveyard and down to the Point and docks.
Of course, a welsh corgi is a good dog to feel comforted with on such an occasion. They're so earnest and humorous looking that it completely steals the creepy effect that the evening has in mind. For some reason, Gizmo enjoys walking through the leaf piles on the side of the road, but with his tiny little legs, all you see is the rounded hump of his back as he plows through. Looks like a dog submarine.
You might have noticed by now that the number of reports on kitchen fires has gone down in direct proportion to how much I've been living with Louise. (Which is to say, not much at all.) But fear not, I expect to be in fiery normalcy quite soon, for I'm going to go visit her for a weekend in two weeks. I expect New York to eat me, but I've come to terms with that. I'm doling out the money to visit her instead of buying new headphones, a new keyboard, or the Unfiltered DVD, all of which are desired commodities to me at the moment. The fact that I am placing her over both music and writing implements that I use every day speaks of her importance in my life. This is, as Louise said on the phone to me tonight, how we say that we love each other. It is a very dysfunctional relationship.
Anyhow, that's said and done. Have some AIM. Have a lot of AIM. And remember: parody. I actually do think Zack's intelligent and Cloud's capable and Sephiroth has a sense of humor and the clones... well, actually, I do quite like making fun of the clones. But not because I actively dislike them or anything, it's just because it's so damn easy to do. Poor spirits.
ThorneScratch: Sephiroth and Tseng make terse conversation at these Shinra get-togethers and try to swap Zack and Reno stories. And then they get bitterly drunk about them.
twigcollins: "Does he ever -"
twigcollins: "Twice last Thursday."
twigcollins: "Ah."
ThorneScratch: "With a live possum."
twigcollins: "Took us three hours to get the stains out."
twigcollins: "Has Zack ever..."
twigcollins: "Only the once. After his jaw healed enough to talk, he promised not to do it again."
***
ThorneScratch: I did a lot of driving today, which is pretty brave in Thorne-terms. So, I'm congratulating myself for now mowing down pedestrians.
ThorneScratch: Uh, not. Not mowing down pedestrians.
twigcollins: Seph has to do that. Insert negatives in Zack's reports, and erasing all the extra comments. "And then I drank a lot of beer. The town was full of monsters and hookers."
ThorneScratch: He totally does.
twigcollins: The punctuation alone is enough to make him consider stabbing himself in the eye with a pencil, except it would heal and he'd be in the exact same spot. Random sentences composed entirely of verbs. He'd write one in iambic pentameter. He'd get a book, look it up, and do it.
ThorneScratch: And interpretative doodles, just to annoy Seph. "This stick figure is me. The coffee blotch is Reno."
twigcollins: "Those sketches of fire are fire. I don't know what that stain is. Maybe the grateful townspeople."
ThorneScratch: Reno: I really think I should have been the linguini stain.
twigcollins: Zack: Your ass is too big to be the linguini stain.
twigcollins: Seph sets them on fire and writes his own. Dictates to Cloud.
"How do you spell grievous dismemberment?"
"Just say killed. Zack obviously got bored with a thesaurus on the trip back."
Reno: Heinous. Add heinous.
Zack: Rhymes with anus.
Reno: We're geniuses.
"And then I destroyed the town."
Seph: Saved.
Zack: Synonym. Actually, it really was more like both.
Seph: We'd take this out of your pay but you've already been docked through an ice age.
ThorneScratch: Zack: All this and I even brought you a souvenir!
ThorneScratch: Zack: *plonks burned thing on desk* It, uh, used to be a... uh... well, it was shiny.
twigcollins: Zack: Merry Hanukkah… -dan
ThorneScratch: Seph: Incidentally, you may not have both off. You have to pick one or the other.
ThorneScratch: Zack: I'm multicultural!
twigcollins: "I come from a mixed family… of forty seven."
ThorneScratch: Cloud: I'm only buying you one present.
twigcollins: Zack holds the record for getting into a fight with an entire bar with a single word. Possibly not even the full word.
ThorneScratch: He has this thing he does with his eyebrows.
twigcollins: Zack's eyebrows? Seph threatens to shave them off before they go negotiate.
ThorneScratch: He can make them move. It adds to his leer by 47%
twigcollins: It's like a mime materia. Doubles the power of any attack.
twigcollins: Zack: Except, sadly, a punch to the face. Eyebrow shields.
twigcollins: Seph: *punch to the face*
twigcollins: He so would hide behind Cloud. Not only would he hide behind Cloud, but instead of crouching down, he'd pull the kid up
ThorneScratch: Lunar compared him to Poland once.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Often occupied?
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Surrounded by supergiants.
twigcollins: Borders constantly breached.
***
twigcollins: Zack would totally steal Seph's PHS and leave horrible ring tones. "Touch my ding ding dong." "Numa numa." People nearby would try not to laugh, as it would take him a few minutes to realize it was his.
ThorneScratch: Sephiroth would try to make Zack eat the PHS afterwards.
twigcollins: Throw it at him until it broke.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Your stomach is ringing.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Yeah, it does that.
twigcollins: Cloud: You gonna answer it?
twigcollins: Zack: Stop being funny, shorty.
ThorneScratch: Cloud would make jokes, like, once in a blue moon, and catch Zack completely off guard.
ThorneScratch: Zack: What? Wait, say it again, I have to document this. Seph! C'mere! He made one!
ThorneScratch: He does the same thing to Sephiroth.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Holy shit, that wasn't bleak sarcasm, that was humor! God, I never have my recorder on when I need it.
ThorneScratch: Seph: ...you have a recorder?
ThorneScratch: Zack: You never know when you're gonna have to blackmail somebody. Listen to what I got in the executive bathroom today.
ThorneScratch: Seph: ....you record in the bathroom?
ThorneScratch: Zack: Well, yeah. Who doesn't?
ThorneScratch: Seph: *retreats muttering to his office*
twigcollins: Lunar has him taking dictation in the shower.
"Memo to self: Yow, I'm hot."
"Memo to self: Seph's an asshole."
"Memo to self: Cloud's a cutie."
*stomp stomp stomp*
Seph: *WHAM*
"Memo to self: Ow."
ThorneScratch: Cloud: You got to stop eating electronics.
ThorneScratch: Zack: I don't do it willingly.
twigcollins: Zack: It helps take the edge off the moonshine.
ThorneScratch: Zack would make moonshine in the soldier locker room.
ThorneScratch: Sephiroth: You know, I'm not going to even ask why you were making moonshine. We're beyond that. But why can't you do it in your own bathtub.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Cloud complained.
ThorneScratch: He uses Cloud to deflect anything Seph complains about. "It's bad for Cloud." "Cloud's allergic." "Cloud said I could."
twigcollins: "Cloud's Cloud Cloud."
ThorneScratch: Seph: HE DID NOT.
twigcollins: Executive order from the Cloud department. We had to steal all your pants.
twigcollins: Cloud: O.O
ThorneScratch: Zack: I even have official stationary.
twigcollins: Cloud: Why am I NAKED?
twigcollins: Seph: ... I borrow a piece of that?
twigcollins: Zack: I had you printed up a batch. If you flip the edges, you can make him dance.
ThorneScratch: Or worse, knowing Zack.
***
twigcollins: Zack is bad with bubble tea, or anything that has differentiating bits that can be pulled out and used as projectiles.
ThorneScratch: Sephiroth: If you do that again, you will be drinking ALL your food through a straw for the next MONTH.
ThorneScratch: Zack: *phlut*
ThorneScratch: Zack: *hides behind Cloud*
twigcollins: Sephiroth can bounce his spells. Actually, he probably owes some of his finest fighting techniques to wounding Zack and not damaging anything else nearby.
ThorneScratch: Ricochet. Nothin' but Zack
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Wow, off the toaster!
ThorneScratch: Zack: *sizzle*
twigcollins: *toast pops up*
twigcollins: Zack: You know, I was way too surprised at Nibelheim. It's because the books were out of order, wasn't it. Not arranged alphabetically. The Joy of Cooking?
twigcollins: All those books couldn't have been research.
ThorneScratch: He discovered Hojo's porn and it drove him mad.
twigcollins: Tentacle monsters gone wild. Actually, if you were into tentacle monsters then you'd probably be into Japanese schoolgirls raping tentacle monsters. And yeah, that's enough to make any man fall off the wagon.
twigcollins: Yuffie: Is that my mom?
twigcollins: Zack: *covers her eyes*
ThorneScratch: Sephiroth: I MUST DESTROY THE WORLD.
twigcollins: Or he found the plot of Advent Children "WTF? Yazoo!? Oh this shit ends now."
***
ThorneScratch: I think I might booze up a bit. Get some wine. Start slurring drunkenly and phoning my old fandoms.
ThorneScratch: "Baby, we had some good times."
ThorneScratch: "Baby, why do you never call me?"
ThorneScratch: "Baby, don't be like that."
ThorneScratch: "You bitch! I always hated you!"
ThorneScratch: "Baby, I didn't mean it. You know how I get."
twigcollins: Watch out. Utena will throw your shit out the window. On fire. FF8 just cries on the phone and you can hear sappy ballads playing in the background. 'Lady in red.'
ThorneScratch: FF7 just laughs and laughs and laughs. She knows I come crawling back, every single time. LotR gets all poncy on me. And Harry Potter, man…
twigcollins: Harry Potter is like, the world's greatest courtesan.
ThorneScratch: I end up having ohone sex with HP when I'm drunk.
twigcollins: Ohone? Hot. I thought that was only legal in Fiji.
***
(Discussing the pot of flowers Aeris probably gave Zack when they were dating.)
twigcollins: Aeris: It smells like beer.
twigcollins: Zack: I thought it could use some water and I didn't have any water.
twigcollins: And it would become an eater of flesh. Seph comes home to find Cloud fighting for his life, so he hacks it to pieces.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Hey!
ThorneScratch: Seph: Casualty of war.
twigcollins: I wonder if Zack... it would attack him. But he'd just spray it off with WD-40. He's remarkably tolerant of things that don't get between him and the TV or the beer.
ThorneScratch: Cloud really doesn't like the bathmat. But Zack just gives it a collar and leash and keeps it as a guard dog.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: IT TRIED TO EAT ME.
ThorneScratch: Zack: You have to scritch it behind its ears.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: It DOESN'T HAVE EARS.
ThorneScratch: Zack: I think it evolved them very recently.
twigcollins: Or tore them off some unsuspecting passerby.
twigcollins: "Down, Thor, down."
twigcollins: "You named your bathmat Thor!?"
ThorneScratch: "It was Reno's idea."
twigcollins: "Actually I think he's still in there."
twigcollins: *hand comes out of bathmat, thumbs up*
twigcollins: "He says it keeps him sharp to wrestle. That doesn't really explain where his pants went."
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Strangely enough, Reno wrestling and/or having sex with your bathmat is not the weirdest thing I've ever seen in this apartment.
twigcollins: Zack's the sort of person who could go into a rectory, and have the priest stagger out three hours later and chug the sacramental wine.
twigcollins: Zack: And that's not even a Wutai story.
ThorneScratch: Reno and Zack do that for fun. Double-team priests in confessionals, like in Boondock Saints.
twigcollins: Reno: Bet I can make his nose bleed.
twigcollins: Zack: You can't tell the story about the zoo.
twigcollins: Reno: Unfair, that's the best one.
twigcollins: "The One with Rude and the Penguin."
twigcollins: "The One Where Elena Had To Bribe Them With Rolls of Quarters."
ThorneScratch: "When They Say Don't Feed the Bears, Man, You Better Not Feed the Bears."
ThorneScratch: Man, Shinra outing at the zoo.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: We lost Zack.
ThorneScratch: Seph: He's at the monkey house.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Are you--
ThorneScratch: Seph: Trust me, that's where he is. I hate leaving him there because he always gets new ideas from them.
twigcollins: Rude surrounded by penguins. Alternately, Reno flipping off animals.
ThorneScratch: He totally gets into arguing matches with parrots and stuff. Sticks snakes down his pants. Taunts the kangaroos.
twigcollins: Zack: Damn, I didn't even get a chance to dare you.
twigcollins: Cloud getting either mauled or treated like a chick in the chocobo petting zoo.
twigcollins: Chocobo: *wark* *groom*
twigcollins: Cloud: o.O
twigcollins: Other Chocobos: Wark wark.
ThorneScratch: He has to be careful. Way too many doujinshi have chocobos trying to sex him. After all, they did their dance for him in the game.
ThorneScratch: Zack: *taking pictures*
ThorneScratch: Cloud: I will smite you.
twigcollins: Zack: Just bob your head. Uh, maybe not like that. Try flapping your arms and cooing.
twigcollins: Cloud: Is that a camcorder?
twigcollins: Zack: No, it's just a camcorder
twigcollins: Sephiroth getting into blinking contests with the owls.
ThorneScratch: Oh God. And them at Seaworld.
twigcollins: Oh noooo.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Woo, killer whales!
ThorneScratch: Seph: NO.
twigcollins: Finally, sea lions. Something that almost smells as bad as Reno. Zack totally would go play with them.
ThorneScratch: Cloud and dolphins. Cloud gets along very well with dolphins.
twigcollins: Cloud: I don't think you should dart him while he's underwater.
Seph: *loading gun* Oh, I absolutely think I should dart him while he's underwater.
Reno: Bring me the ass, that's it.
Dolphin: *nudges Cloud just out of reach*
Reno: *swearing at dolphin*
Dolphin: *laugh*
Rufus: All right now, no electro-rodding the wildlife.
Reno: *spittle* BUT BUT BUT.
Cloud: Um. Um, badtouch dolphin. SOS?
ThorneScratch: Zack: *slowly sinking*
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Isn't anyone going to help him?
twigcollins: Sephiroth: You thought we came here for some other reason? Here lies a good soldier and a--
twigcollins: Zack: DUDE, I'm still alive!
twigcollins: Sephiroth: *raises voice* --a fine man who will be sorely missed .
ThorneScratch: Reno: I call his stereo.
twigcollins: Rufus: Dibs on Cloud.
ThorneScratch: Reno: Damn!
twigcollins: Rufus: Executive ass privileges. And no, you can't steal the helicopter because you're not fifteen and I'm not your father.
twigcollins: Reno: Can I get drunk first?
ThorneScratch: Rufus: I didn't know you actually had any other state of being.
twigcollins: Rufus: You couldn't have performed demonic experiments on my less competent lackeys?
twigcollins: Hojo: His blood rejects any forms of improvement. It's actually not so much a blood compound at this point as a single-malt scotch.
ThorneScratch: Rufus: So, we could decant him.
ThorneScratch: Zack: I bet you can't drink yourself.
ThorneScratch: Reno: You're on!
twigcollins: Sephiroth: *loading shotgun*
twigcollins: Cloud: I don't think it will kill them.
twigcollins: Sephiroth: It's for me.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Don't leave me alone with them!
ThorneScratch: Rufus: Wanna be an intern?
twigcollins: Reno: You can work under the table. And by under the table, I mean really under--
twigcollins: Cloud: Yes. It isn't a subtle euphemism when you have your hand on your crotch.
twigcollins: Reno: Uh, that's actually not... I had some superglue, see…
twigcollins: Rufus: Did you glue Heidegger to his desk again?
ThorneScratch: Oh God. Now all I see is that Penny Arcade thing. Tseng checks daily to make sure Reno hasn't glued his hands to his face. Or worse.
twigcollins: Yeah. You know I bet they had that conversation in the Temple of the Ancients, Seph and Tseng.
Seph: So... Reno.
Tseng: Yeah.
Seph: ... really?
Tseng: Can you just shut up and let me bleed quietly here?
Seph: Did you lose some sort of bet?
Tseng: Also, you could work on your foreplay a little.
Seph: I'm totally taking over the world here.
Tseng: Riiiiight.
***
ThorneScratch: You know, I really want to write this thing for Flidget but the goddamn clones simply do not have any personality at all and I don't know where to start. We're staring at each other like on a really awkward date.
ThorneScratch: "So... you like music?"
twigcollins: I can see them at the dance, hanging out in the corner. You'd have to go on a coffee date because food would just be awkward. They'd carry that canister around with them. And dude, they're only two. Not so much to talk about. Except family, which is sort of a no-no.
twigcollins: …Dude, I think I've been on this date.
ThorneScratch: They would just sit there and ask about Cloud. I mean, granted, we could probably squeeze an agreeable twenty minutes of conversation out on the subject of Cloud's ass. But soon it would just get too awkward, like when your blind date talks about his or her ex.
twigcollins: Except you'd both have pictures which would also be awkward. Unless they trade Cloud cards like trading cards, which is entirely possible.
ThorneScratch: Or they show you the locks of his hair that they've saved.
twigcollins: Copies of all his self-help books.
ThorneScratch: "He once touched this napkin."
ThorneScratch: "I keep it always."
ThorneScratch: "It's my turn to hold the napkin now, Kadaj."
ThorneScratch: "Cram it, Loz."
ThorneScratch: And then Loz bawls, and your date is in shambles. Oh God, and then they start name dropping.
ThorneScratch: "Yeah, did we mention we're Sephiroth clones? Sephiroth. Best villain ever."
ThorneScratch: "Sephiroth. Sephiroth. Sephiroth."
twigcollins: Locks of HIS hair. Pieces of the rubble.
ThorneScratch: Those are long locks of hair. They have to carry them in a special baggie. Seriously, does Yazoo have any personality at all? He's just... the long-haired one.
twigcollins: I bet he writes poetry. Really bad poetry. "This is the Dirge to the Conditioner My Stupid Brother Used Up Even Though He Knew I Was Getting in the Shower." (pt 1)
twigcollins: I mean, you do realize I still haven't watched the parts of the movie with them in it?
ThorneScratch: Really? It's mostly just Cloud-grabbing. In tunnels, no less!
twigcollins: I keep meaning to but I don't even have to fast forward to get to the fight scene. I just pull that little bar, and it's All Seph All The Time. Even if he's just a meat puppet.
ThorneScratch: All Seph All The Time would be a great reality show. But it would never pass the censors.
twigcollins: That first visit from Zack, they'd need to cover his whole body with one of those blur things. Reno would pop out of inconspicuous places just to curse. They'd have Seph Shower Cam, and ratings would peak and productivity would drop for those fifteen minutes every night.
twigcollins: Zack: The phone-in poll says they want you to jerk off again. They've sent over a list of names to moan longingly.
twigcollins: Seph: ... Tseng?
twigcollins: Zack: Reno sent that one in. Paid double.
ThorneScratch: So, does season two see the add-in of Cloud?
twigcollins: Yes. And even with ratings through the roof, they can barely run with the upkeep of the cameras.
twigcollins: Cloud: I feel kind of funny with that camera...
twigcollins: Seph: *crunch*
twigcollins: Reno: Aww shit, and they were just about to--
twigcollins: Rude: Audio's still good.
twigcollins: Reno: YES!
ThorneScratch: Zack: These lube bills are astronomical.
ThorneScratch: Seph: ...wait, say that again. FIVE syllables?
ThorneScratch: Zack: Oh, shut up.
twigcollins: Seph: Do you need to sit down? Put your head between your legs?
twigcollins: Zack: Maybe Cloud's legs.
twigcollins: Cloud: There goes another camera.
twigcollins: Seph: we did get that table manufacturing sponsorship.
twigcollins: Zack: The new one has some sort of shock absorbers.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Hey, heated surfaces.
twigcollins: Hibachi Cloud. Cloud instructions.
twigcollins: "Wash separately on warm. Do not dry clean."
ThorneScratch: "Light tumble. Bleeds easily. But surprisingly durable."
twigcollins: "Mako-based. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. (Or take pictures if you do.)"
ThorneScratch: Reno: Nothing's fun anymore.
***
SoraNoKumo: Kadaj totally has a chibi Cloud doll.
ThorneScratch: Twig and I had a similar conversation to this. He totally does, and all three of them constantly argue over whose turn it is to hold the doll.
ThorneScratch: Yazoo: You've had it long enough. It's my turn.
ThorneScratch: Kadaj: No!
ThorneScratch: Loz: My turn!
ThorneScratch: Kadaj: Shove off!
ThorneScratch: Loz: *cries*
ThorneScratch: Yazoo: Oh great, now look at what you've done.
ThorneScratch: Kadaj: *to the doll* Don't listen to them, nii-san.
SoraNoKumo: Most incestuous nii-san I've ever heard. Discounting Angel Sanctuary.
Man, where's the fanart of that? You're disappointing me, Japan.
***
twigcollins: Tseng tries to accidentally lock Reno in an empty storage room for the duration of Halloween. It never works. The scope of toilet papering and egging is epic.
twigcollins: Rufus: Actually he does the least damage while he's pranking.
ThorneScratch: Reno: I am a golden god!
twigcollins: Rufus: Do you think he knows spray paint doesn't wash off?
twigcollins: Tseng: I'm still wondering how he glued the hood ornament to his wang.
twigcollins: Palmer: MY CAR!
twigcollins: Reno: *propositions a summon*
ThorneScratch: Zack tries to make everyone go in drag for Halloween. And by "everyone" I mean "Cloud".
twigcollins: Marilyn Monroe. And then spend the entire night making him stand on grates.
twigcollins: Cloud: My ass is so chapped.
ThorneScratch: Sephiroth.... You know, I am not sure what he'd do.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Whoa, cool ninja costume.
ThorneScratch: Seph: I stripped it off a dead guy in Wutai.
ThorneScratch: Zack: See, you could have left that part out.
ThorneScratch: Seph: I killed him for it.
ThorneScratch: Zack: We'll work on your party skills, okay?
twigcollins: Cloud: There aren't any bloodstain--
twigcollins: Seph: Snapped his neck.
twigcollins: Zack: *facepalm*
ThorneScratch: What's Zack in?
twigcollins: Cactuar costume?
ThorneScratch: There's body paint involved somewhere.
twigcollins: Of course. And then it wouldn't come off either. He could flatten his hair out and go as a power tool. Or he could probably cut a shape in it and be like a living Zack o'lantern.
ThorneScratch: Does Vincent bother to dress up for Halloween? Vincent lives Halloween.
twigcollins: Dude, no kidding. He could dress up as a normal guy. Weird the fuck out of anyone. Vincent Valentine: insurance salesman.
ThorneScratch: Do the clones dress up for Halloween? They'd have to have a theme.
twigcollins: The three stooges. Beat each other with the can of Jenova. Or the musketeers.
ThorneScratch: Nyuk nyuk nyuk. Musketeers are good. They're all poncy with hats and frills.
twigcollins: And swords.
twigcollins: *sword bendy and swishy*
twigcollins: *bendy bendy*
twigcollins: "I don't like what this represents."
ThorneScratch: They go trick or treating for Jenova bits.
ThorneScratch: "I got a fingernail."
ThorneScratch: "I think that's a spleen."
twigcollins: "I got a caramel apple."
twigcollins: The other two clones: ....
twigcollins: "And a box that says... UNICEF."
twigcollins: Cloud: Why does it always have to be children.
ThorneScratch: Kadaj: Let's go egg Shinra tower.
twigcollins: Yuffie would love Halloween too. And then she'd get all hopped up on sugar.
ThorneScratch: God, yes. "Gimme gimme gimme!"
ThorneScratch: Tifa: Get the riot gear.
twigcollins: Cloud: I think she ate the riot gear. Somebody summon something.
twigcollins: Barrett: She ate that too.
There's a certain pronunciation and inflection to that which loses something in being text on a screen. It's something I picked up off my aunt, and it's a phrase pronounced in such a way which I'm convinced only Chinese-American ladies of a certain age can do.
Actually, I dreamed that I went to Neil Gaiman's house, which is infinitely superior, at least as per my dream version. Dream Neil Gaiman was very pleasant to talk to, wore a leather jacket, and showed me around his house which he was developing into some sort of fantastic museum devoted to various aspects of his work, including a grand scale version of the Coraline settings and characters, and the angel exhibit from Neverwhere, and Crowley's Bentley. I was very disappointed to wake up and realize that there is not, in fact, such a museum.
I think I should note that even in my dreams, I am stupidly concerned with real details. I distinctly recall noting in the dream that Neil Gaiman was smokin' hot, but his family was totally there as well and I thought it would be in bad taste to flirt. And because I don't know much about Sandman, I didn't visit that part of the museum, which I sort of want to kick dream self for doing.
It was a glorious day here, with the weather mild but brisk at the same time, which is a difficult balance to achieve perfectly, and you only get that sort of autumn day at very specific times. You have all the benefits of autumnal glory-- trees in blazing color, the smell of smoke and leaves, wind everywhere-- and at the same time, have the not-too-cold and not-too-warm weather you get with an Indian summer. I expected the temperature to drop drastically in the evening, but it stayed perfect.
When I took the dog out for his evening walk it was downright magical. You get that sometimes, and we went walking though a section of the neighborhood with a lot of oak trees, so the wind would blow in the top of the trees and suddenly go still, but all you'd hear about you were acorns dropping. It was creepy but very lovely at the same time. At least I assumed they were acorns dropping. Meanwhile, here we go walking through the yellow sodiumlight pools cast by the streetlamps and feeling like we're about to walk right into some sort of pagan ritual in the heart of Americana suburbs. Glorious. This was the sort of night I miss from college because it would have been the perfect night to go tromping through the graveyard and down to the Point and docks.
Of course, a welsh corgi is a good dog to feel comforted with on such an occasion. They're so earnest and humorous looking that it completely steals the creepy effect that the evening has in mind. For some reason, Gizmo enjoys walking through the leaf piles on the side of the road, but with his tiny little legs, all you see is the rounded hump of his back as he plows through. Looks like a dog submarine.
You might have noticed by now that the number of reports on kitchen fires has gone down in direct proportion to how much I've been living with Louise. (Which is to say, not much at all.) But fear not, I expect to be in fiery normalcy quite soon, for I'm going to go visit her for a weekend in two weeks. I expect New York to eat me, but I've come to terms with that. I'm doling out the money to visit her instead of buying new headphones, a new keyboard, or the Unfiltered DVD, all of which are desired commodities to me at the moment. The fact that I am placing her over both music and writing implements that I use every day speaks of her importance in my life. This is, as Louise said on the phone to me tonight, how we say that we love each other. It is a very dysfunctional relationship.
Anyhow, that's said and done. Have some AIM. Have a lot of AIM. And remember: parody. I actually do think Zack's intelligent and Cloud's capable and Sephiroth has a sense of humor and the clones... well, actually, I do quite like making fun of the clones. But not because I actively dislike them or anything, it's just because it's so damn easy to do. Poor spirits.
ThorneScratch: Sephiroth and Tseng make terse conversation at these Shinra get-togethers and try to swap Zack and Reno stories. And then they get bitterly drunk about them.
twigcollins: "Does he ever -"
twigcollins: "Twice last Thursday."
twigcollins: "Ah."
ThorneScratch: "With a live possum."
twigcollins: "Took us three hours to get the stains out."
twigcollins: "Has Zack ever..."
twigcollins: "Only the once. After his jaw healed enough to talk, he promised not to do it again."
***
ThorneScratch: I did a lot of driving today, which is pretty brave in Thorne-terms. So, I'm congratulating myself for now mowing down pedestrians.
ThorneScratch: Uh, not. Not mowing down pedestrians.
twigcollins: Seph has to do that. Insert negatives in Zack's reports, and erasing all the extra comments. "And then I drank a lot of beer. The town was full of monsters and hookers."
ThorneScratch: He totally does.
twigcollins: The punctuation alone is enough to make him consider stabbing himself in the eye with a pencil, except it would heal and he'd be in the exact same spot. Random sentences composed entirely of verbs. He'd write one in iambic pentameter. He'd get a book, look it up, and do it.
ThorneScratch: And interpretative doodles, just to annoy Seph. "This stick figure is me. The coffee blotch is Reno."
twigcollins: "Those sketches of fire are fire. I don't know what that stain is. Maybe the grateful townspeople."
ThorneScratch: Reno: I really think I should have been the linguini stain.
twigcollins: Zack: Your ass is too big to be the linguini stain.
twigcollins: Seph sets them on fire and writes his own. Dictates to Cloud.
"How do you spell grievous dismemberment?"
"Just say killed. Zack obviously got bored with a thesaurus on the trip back."
Reno: Heinous. Add heinous.
Zack: Rhymes with anus.
Reno: We're geniuses.
"And then I destroyed the town."
Seph: Saved.
Zack: Synonym. Actually, it really was more like both.
Seph: We'd take this out of your pay but you've already been docked through an ice age.
ThorneScratch: Zack: All this and I even brought you a souvenir!
ThorneScratch: Zack: *plonks burned thing on desk* It, uh, used to be a... uh... well, it was shiny.
twigcollins: Zack: Merry Hanukkah… -dan
ThorneScratch: Seph: Incidentally, you may not have both off. You have to pick one or the other.
ThorneScratch: Zack: I'm multicultural!
twigcollins: "I come from a mixed family… of forty seven."
ThorneScratch: Cloud: I'm only buying you one present.
twigcollins: Zack holds the record for getting into a fight with an entire bar with a single word. Possibly not even the full word.
ThorneScratch: He has this thing he does with his eyebrows.
twigcollins: Zack's eyebrows? Seph threatens to shave them off before they go negotiate.
ThorneScratch: He can make them move. It adds to his leer by 47%
twigcollins: It's like a mime materia. Doubles the power of any attack.
twigcollins: Zack: Except, sadly, a punch to the face. Eyebrow shields.
twigcollins: Seph: *punch to the face*
twigcollins: He so would hide behind Cloud. Not only would he hide behind Cloud, but instead of crouching down, he'd pull the kid up
ThorneScratch: Lunar compared him to Poland once.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Often occupied?
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Surrounded by supergiants.
twigcollins: Borders constantly breached.
***
twigcollins: Zack would totally steal Seph's PHS and leave horrible ring tones. "Touch my ding ding dong." "Numa numa." People nearby would try not to laugh, as it would take him a few minutes to realize it was his.
ThorneScratch: Sephiroth would try to make Zack eat the PHS afterwards.
twigcollins: Throw it at him until it broke.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Your stomach is ringing.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Yeah, it does that.
twigcollins: Cloud: You gonna answer it?
twigcollins: Zack: Stop being funny, shorty.
ThorneScratch: Cloud would make jokes, like, once in a blue moon, and catch Zack completely off guard.
ThorneScratch: Zack: What? Wait, say it again, I have to document this. Seph! C'mere! He made one!
ThorneScratch: He does the same thing to Sephiroth.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Holy shit, that wasn't bleak sarcasm, that was humor! God, I never have my recorder on when I need it.
ThorneScratch: Seph: ...you have a recorder?
ThorneScratch: Zack: You never know when you're gonna have to blackmail somebody. Listen to what I got in the executive bathroom today.
ThorneScratch: Seph: ....you record in the bathroom?
ThorneScratch: Zack: Well, yeah. Who doesn't?
ThorneScratch: Seph: *retreats muttering to his office*
twigcollins: Lunar has him taking dictation in the shower.
"Memo to self: Yow, I'm hot."
"Memo to self: Seph's an asshole."
"Memo to self: Cloud's a cutie."
*stomp stomp stomp*
Seph: *WHAM*
"Memo to self: Ow."
ThorneScratch: Cloud: You got to stop eating electronics.
ThorneScratch: Zack: I don't do it willingly.
twigcollins: Zack: It helps take the edge off the moonshine.
ThorneScratch: Zack would make moonshine in the soldier locker room.
ThorneScratch: Sephiroth: You know, I'm not going to even ask why you were making moonshine. We're beyond that. But why can't you do it in your own bathtub.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Cloud complained.
ThorneScratch: He uses Cloud to deflect anything Seph complains about. "It's bad for Cloud." "Cloud's allergic." "Cloud said I could."
twigcollins: "Cloud's Cloud Cloud."
ThorneScratch: Seph: HE DID NOT.
twigcollins: Executive order from the Cloud department. We had to steal all your pants.
twigcollins: Cloud: O.O
ThorneScratch: Zack: I even have official stationary.
twigcollins: Cloud: Why am I NAKED?
twigcollins: Seph: ... I borrow a piece of that?
twigcollins: Zack: I had you printed up a batch. If you flip the edges, you can make him dance.
ThorneScratch: Or worse, knowing Zack.
***
twigcollins: Zack is bad with bubble tea, or anything that has differentiating bits that can be pulled out and used as projectiles.
ThorneScratch: Sephiroth: If you do that again, you will be drinking ALL your food through a straw for the next MONTH.
ThorneScratch: Zack: *phlut*
ThorneScratch: Zack: *hides behind Cloud*
twigcollins: Sephiroth can bounce his spells. Actually, he probably owes some of his finest fighting techniques to wounding Zack and not damaging anything else nearby.
ThorneScratch: Ricochet. Nothin' but Zack
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Wow, off the toaster!
ThorneScratch: Zack: *sizzle*
twigcollins: *toast pops up*
twigcollins: Zack: You know, I was way too surprised at Nibelheim. It's because the books were out of order, wasn't it. Not arranged alphabetically. The Joy of Cooking?
twigcollins: All those books couldn't have been research.
ThorneScratch: He discovered Hojo's porn and it drove him mad.
twigcollins: Tentacle monsters gone wild. Actually, if you were into tentacle monsters then you'd probably be into Japanese schoolgirls raping tentacle monsters. And yeah, that's enough to make any man fall off the wagon.
twigcollins: Yuffie: Is that my mom?
twigcollins: Zack: *covers her eyes*
ThorneScratch: Sephiroth: I MUST DESTROY THE WORLD.
twigcollins: Or he found the plot of Advent Children "WTF? Yazoo!? Oh this shit ends now."
***
ThorneScratch: I think I might booze up a bit. Get some wine. Start slurring drunkenly and phoning my old fandoms.
ThorneScratch: "Baby, we had some good times."
ThorneScratch: "Baby, why do you never call me?"
ThorneScratch: "Baby, don't be like that."
ThorneScratch: "You bitch! I always hated you!"
ThorneScratch: "Baby, I didn't mean it. You know how I get."
twigcollins: Watch out. Utena will throw your shit out the window. On fire. FF8 just cries on the phone and you can hear sappy ballads playing in the background. 'Lady in red.'
ThorneScratch: FF7 just laughs and laughs and laughs. She knows I come crawling back, every single time. LotR gets all poncy on me. And Harry Potter, man…
twigcollins: Harry Potter is like, the world's greatest courtesan.
ThorneScratch: I end up having ohone sex with HP when I'm drunk.
twigcollins: Ohone? Hot. I thought that was only legal in Fiji.
***
(Discussing the pot of flowers Aeris probably gave Zack when they were dating.)
twigcollins: Aeris: It smells like beer.
twigcollins: Zack: I thought it could use some water and I didn't have any water.
twigcollins: And it would become an eater of flesh. Seph comes home to find Cloud fighting for his life, so he hacks it to pieces.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Hey!
ThorneScratch: Seph: Casualty of war.
twigcollins: I wonder if Zack... it would attack him. But he'd just spray it off with WD-40. He's remarkably tolerant of things that don't get between him and the TV or the beer.
ThorneScratch: Cloud really doesn't like the bathmat. But Zack just gives it a collar and leash and keeps it as a guard dog.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: IT TRIED TO EAT ME.
ThorneScratch: Zack: You have to scritch it behind its ears.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: It DOESN'T HAVE EARS.
ThorneScratch: Zack: I think it evolved them very recently.
twigcollins: Or tore them off some unsuspecting passerby.
twigcollins: "Down, Thor, down."
twigcollins: "You named your bathmat Thor!?"
ThorneScratch: "It was Reno's idea."
twigcollins: "Actually I think he's still in there."
twigcollins: *hand comes out of bathmat, thumbs up*
twigcollins: "He says it keeps him sharp to wrestle. That doesn't really explain where his pants went."
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Strangely enough, Reno wrestling and/or having sex with your bathmat is not the weirdest thing I've ever seen in this apartment.
twigcollins: Zack's the sort of person who could go into a rectory, and have the priest stagger out three hours later and chug the sacramental wine.
twigcollins: Zack: And that's not even a Wutai story.
ThorneScratch: Reno and Zack do that for fun. Double-team priests in confessionals, like in Boondock Saints.
twigcollins: Reno: Bet I can make his nose bleed.
twigcollins: Zack: You can't tell the story about the zoo.
twigcollins: Reno: Unfair, that's the best one.
twigcollins: "The One with Rude and the Penguin."
twigcollins: "The One Where Elena Had To Bribe Them With Rolls of Quarters."
ThorneScratch: "When They Say Don't Feed the Bears, Man, You Better Not Feed the Bears."
ThorneScratch: Man, Shinra outing at the zoo.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: We lost Zack.
ThorneScratch: Seph: He's at the monkey house.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Are you--
ThorneScratch: Seph: Trust me, that's where he is. I hate leaving him there because he always gets new ideas from them.
twigcollins: Rude surrounded by penguins. Alternately, Reno flipping off animals.
ThorneScratch: He totally gets into arguing matches with parrots and stuff. Sticks snakes down his pants. Taunts the kangaroos.
twigcollins: Zack: Damn, I didn't even get a chance to dare you.
twigcollins: Cloud getting either mauled or treated like a chick in the chocobo petting zoo.
twigcollins: Chocobo: *wark* *groom*
twigcollins: Cloud: o.O
twigcollins: Other Chocobos: Wark wark.
ThorneScratch: He has to be careful. Way too many doujinshi have chocobos trying to sex him. After all, they did their dance for him in the game.
ThorneScratch: Zack: *taking pictures*
ThorneScratch: Cloud: I will smite you.
twigcollins: Zack: Just bob your head. Uh, maybe not like that. Try flapping your arms and cooing.
twigcollins: Cloud: Is that a camcorder?
twigcollins: Zack: No, it's just a camcorder
twigcollins: Sephiroth getting into blinking contests with the owls.
ThorneScratch: Oh God. And them at Seaworld.
twigcollins: Oh noooo.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Woo, killer whales!
ThorneScratch: Seph: NO.
twigcollins: Finally, sea lions. Something that almost smells as bad as Reno. Zack totally would go play with them.
ThorneScratch: Cloud and dolphins. Cloud gets along very well with dolphins.
twigcollins: Cloud: I don't think you should dart him while he's underwater.
Seph: *loading gun* Oh, I absolutely think I should dart him while he's underwater.
Reno: Bring me the ass, that's it.
Dolphin: *nudges Cloud just out of reach*
Reno: *swearing at dolphin*
Dolphin: *laugh*
Rufus: All right now, no electro-rodding the wildlife.
Reno: *spittle* BUT BUT BUT.
Cloud: Um. Um, badtouch dolphin. SOS?
ThorneScratch: Zack: *slowly sinking*
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Isn't anyone going to help him?
twigcollins: Sephiroth: You thought we came here for some other reason? Here lies a good soldier and a--
twigcollins: Zack: DUDE, I'm still alive!
twigcollins: Sephiroth: *raises voice* --a fine man who will be sorely missed .
ThorneScratch: Reno: I call his stereo.
twigcollins: Rufus: Dibs on Cloud.
ThorneScratch: Reno: Damn!
twigcollins: Rufus: Executive ass privileges. And no, you can't steal the helicopter because you're not fifteen and I'm not your father.
twigcollins: Reno: Can I get drunk first?
ThorneScratch: Rufus: I didn't know you actually had any other state of being.
twigcollins: Rufus: You couldn't have performed demonic experiments on my less competent lackeys?
twigcollins: Hojo: His blood rejects any forms of improvement. It's actually not so much a blood compound at this point as a single-malt scotch.
ThorneScratch: Rufus: So, we could decant him.
ThorneScratch: Zack: I bet you can't drink yourself.
ThorneScratch: Reno: You're on!
twigcollins: Sephiroth: *loading shotgun*
twigcollins: Cloud: I don't think it will kill them.
twigcollins: Sephiroth: It's for me.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Don't leave me alone with them!
ThorneScratch: Rufus: Wanna be an intern?
twigcollins: Reno: You can work under the table. And by under the table, I mean really under--
twigcollins: Cloud: Yes. It isn't a subtle euphemism when you have your hand on your crotch.
twigcollins: Reno: Uh, that's actually not... I had some superglue, see…
twigcollins: Rufus: Did you glue Heidegger to his desk again?
ThorneScratch: Oh God. Now all I see is that Penny Arcade thing. Tseng checks daily to make sure Reno hasn't glued his hands to his face. Or worse.
twigcollins: Yeah. You know I bet they had that conversation in the Temple of the Ancients, Seph and Tseng.
Seph: So... Reno.
Tseng: Yeah.
Seph: ... really?
Tseng: Can you just shut up and let me bleed quietly here?
Seph: Did you lose some sort of bet?
Tseng: Also, you could work on your foreplay a little.
Seph: I'm totally taking over the world here.
Tseng: Riiiiight.
***
ThorneScratch: You know, I really want to write this thing for Flidget but the goddamn clones simply do not have any personality at all and I don't know where to start. We're staring at each other like on a really awkward date.
ThorneScratch: "So... you like music?"
twigcollins: I can see them at the dance, hanging out in the corner. You'd have to go on a coffee date because food would just be awkward. They'd carry that canister around with them. And dude, they're only two. Not so much to talk about. Except family, which is sort of a no-no.
twigcollins: …Dude, I think I've been on this date.
ThorneScratch: They would just sit there and ask about Cloud. I mean, granted, we could probably squeeze an agreeable twenty minutes of conversation out on the subject of Cloud's ass. But soon it would just get too awkward, like when your blind date talks about his or her ex.
twigcollins: Except you'd both have pictures which would also be awkward. Unless they trade Cloud cards like trading cards, which is entirely possible.
ThorneScratch: Or they show you the locks of his hair that they've saved.
twigcollins: Copies of all his self-help books.
ThorneScratch: "He once touched this napkin."
ThorneScratch: "I keep it always."
ThorneScratch: "It's my turn to hold the napkin now, Kadaj."
ThorneScratch: "Cram it, Loz."
ThorneScratch: And then Loz bawls, and your date is in shambles. Oh God, and then they start name dropping.
ThorneScratch: "Yeah, did we mention we're Sephiroth clones? Sephiroth. Best villain ever."
ThorneScratch: "Sephiroth. Sephiroth. Sephiroth."
twigcollins: Locks of HIS hair. Pieces of the rubble.
ThorneScratch: Those are long locks of hair. They have to carry them in a special baggie. Seriously, does Yazoo have any personality at all? He's just... the long-haired one.
twigcollins: I bet he writes poetry. Really bad poetry. "This is the Dirge to the Conditioner My Stupid Brother Used Up Even Though He Knew I Was Getting in the Shower." (pt 1)
twigcollins: I mean, you do realize I still haven't watched the parts of the movie with them in it?
ThorneScratch: Really? It's mostly just Cloud-grabbing. In tunnels, no less!
twigcollins: I keep meaning to but I don't even have to fast forward to get to the fight scene. I just pull that little bar, and it's All Seph All The Time. Even if he's just a meat puppet.
ThorneScratch: All Seph All The Time would be a great reality show. But it would never pass the censors.
twigcollins: That first visit from Zack, they'd need to cover his whole body with one of those blur things. Reno would pop out of inconspicuous places just to curse. They'd have Seph Shower Cam, and ratings would peak and productivity would drop for those fifteen minutes every night.
twigcollins: Zack: The phone-in poll says they want you to jerk off again. They've sent over a list of names to moan longingly.
twigcollins: Seph: ... Tseng?
twigcollins: Zack: Reno sent that one in. Paid double.
ThorneScratch: So, does season two see the add-in of Cloud?
twigcollins: Yes. And even with ratings through the roof, they can barely run with the upkeep of the cameras.
twigcollins: Cloud: I feel kind of funny with that camera...
twigcollins: Seph: *crunch*
twigcollins: Reno: Aww shit, and they were just about to--
twigcollins: Rude: Audio's still good.
twigcollins: Reno: YES!
ThorneScratch: Zack: These lube bills are astronomical.
ThorneScratch: Seph: ...wait, say that again. FIVE syllables?
ThorneScratch: Zack: Oh, shut up.
twigcollins: Seph: Do you need to sit down? Put your head between your legs?
twigcollins: Zack: Maybe Cloud's legs.
twigcollins: Cloud: There goes another camera.
twigcollins: Seph: we did get that table manufacturing sponsorship.
twigcollins: Zack: The new one has some sort of shock absorbers.
ThorneScratch: Cloud: Hey, heated surfaces.
twigcollins: Hibachi Cloud. Cloud instructions.
twigcollins: "Wash separately on warm. Do not dry clean."
ThorneScratch: "Light tumble. Bleeds easily. But surprisingly durable."
twigcollins: "Mako-based. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. (Or take pictures if you do.)"
ThorneScratch: Reno: Nothing's fun anymore.
***
SoraNoKumo: Kadaj totally has a chibi Cloud doll.
ThorneScratch: Twig and I had a similar conversation to this. He totally does, and all three of them constantly argue over whose turn it is to hold the doll.
ThorneScratch: Yazoo: You've had it long enough. It's my turn.
ThorneScratch: Kadaj: No!
ThorneScratch: Loz: My turn!
ThorneScratch: Kadaj: Shove off!
ThorneScratch: Loz: *cries*
ThorneScratch: Yazoo: Oh great, now look at what you've done.
ThorneScratch: Kadaj: *to the doll* Don't listen to them, nii-san.
SoraNoKumo: Most incestuous nii-san I've ever heard. Discounting Angel Sanctuary.
Man, where's the fanart of that? You're disappointing me, Japan.
***
twigcollins: Tseng tries to accidentally lock Reno in an empty storage room for the duration of Halloween. It never works. The scope of toilet papering and egging is epic.
twigcollins: Rufus: Actually he does the least damage while he's pranking.
ThorneScratch: Reno: I am a golden god!
twigcollins: Rufus: Do you think he knows spray paint doesn't wash off?
twigcollins: Tseng: I'm still wondering how he glued the hood ornament to his wang.
twigcollins: Palmer: MY CAR!
twigcollins: Reno: *propositions a summon*
ThorneScratch: Zack tries to make everyone go in drag for Halloween. And by "everyone" I mean "Cloud".
twigcollins: Marilyn Monroe. And then spend the entire night making him stand on grates.
twigcollins: Cloud: My ass is so chapped.
ThorneScratch: Sephiroth.... You know, I am not sure what he'd do.
ThorneScratch: Zack: Whoa, cool ninja costume.
ThorneScratch: Seph: I stripped it off a dead guy in Wutai.
ThorneScratch: Zack: See, you could have left that part out.
ThorneScratch: Seph: I killed him for it.
ThorneScratch: Zack: We'll work on your party skills, okay?
twigcollins: Cloud: There aren't any bloodstain--
twigcollins: Seph: Snapped his neck.
twigcollins: Zack: *facepalm*
ThorneScratch: What's Zack in?
twigcollins: Cactuar costume?
ThorneScratch: There's body paint involved somewhere.
twigcollins: Of course. And then it wouldn't come off either. He could flatten his hair out and go as a power tool. Or he could probably cut a shape in it and be like a living Zack o'lantern.
ThorneScratch: Does Vincent bother to dress up for Halloween? Vincent lives Halloween.
twigcollins: Dude, no kidding. He could dress up as a normal guy. Weird the fuck out of anyone. Vincent Valentine: insurance salesman.
ThorneScratch: Do the clones dress up for Halloween? They'd have to have a theme.
twigcollins: The three stooges. Beat each other with the can of Jenova. Or the musketeers.
ThorneScratch: Nyuk nyuk nyuk. Musketeers are good. They're all poncy with hats and frills.
twigcollins: And swords.
twigcollins: *sword bendy and swishy*
twigcollins: *bendy bendy*
twigcollins: "I don't like what this represents."
ThorneScratch: They go trick or treating for Jenova bits.
ThorneScratch: "I got a fingernail."
ThorneScratch: "I think that's a spleen."
twigcollins: "I got a caramel apple."
twigcollins: The other two clones: ....
twigcollins: "And a box that says... UNICEF."
twigcollins: Cloud: Why does it always have to be children.
ThorneScratch: Kadaj: Let's go egg Shinra tower.
twigcollins: Yuffie would love Halloween too. And then she'd get all hopped up on sugar.
ThorneScratch: God, yes. "Gimme gimme gimme!"
ThorneScratch: Tifa: Get the riot gear.
twigcollins: Cloud: I think she ate the riot gear. Somebody summon something.
twigcollins: Barrett: She ate that too.