I am a gentleman, didn't I
"The fix is in. It remains only to be seen what it's been traded for. To get to this stage, anyone wanting to be a referee has had to learn to enjoy the special flavor of pressure-group dick. The question is: will the referees stagger off ice with lungs half full of steaming Winnipeg semen? Or will they merely be licking their lips
( Read more... )
Jeff stares at him. His face is still all mottled red and white, but he's not yelling now. Eric's honestly just glad he hasn't thrown anything at him. He'd used the plastic plates for lunch, just in case.
"Can I ask you something?" Jeff says, eerily calm.
"Yes," Eric says warily. This feels like a trap.
"Do you really, honestly think I'm a virgin?" Jeff says.
Eric can actually feel his jaw drop. He thought that was something that didn't actually happen in real life, but after his mouth opens and closes a couple times with nothing useful coming out, he snaps his teeth together so fast that he bites his tongue. "That's. Uh. That's your business, Jeff."
"No, I want you to answer," Jeff says. He folds his arms on top of the table and leans forward. "Do you think that?"
Christ, he maybe should have let Cam in on this after all. Eric finally nods, and when Jeff keeps glaring, says, "Yeah."
Jeff nods and doesn't say anything.
"I assumed," Eric says, and when that doesn't get him anything, he says, "Look, it made sense."
Jeff nods, and picks up a crumb from beside his plate. "I've blown seven guys, fucked three, and I let PK fuck me when we were both at All-Stars last year," he says, conversationally. "I'm kinda not a virgin. And I really kinda have gone through puberty. I promise."
Eric's brain stutters to a halt, pulled in several simultaneous directions of surprise, horror, and an overwhelming desire to fly to Montreal and murder PK Subhan. There is possibly some arousal, but the murder's really the strongest feeling. And-
"You barely knew how to put a condom on!" Eric shrieks. "You, you made me show you on bananas. I used up, like, half the fucking box of Trojans showing you!"
"I was trying to get you to put it on yourself," Jeff says, still weirdly upbeat with a horrible smile that doesn't touch his eyes. "And then, put it in me, you stupid fucking idiot. I mean, I could have put it on myself and then just climbed on, but I really thought you were smart enough to, you know, pick up on it."
"Bananas," Eric repeats weakly.
"I put my hand in your lap," Jeff says. He rolls his eyes and stares at the ceiling, blowing out a gigantic sigh. "I figured if the really young inexperienced thing wasn’t doing it for you, I should get, you know, more aggressive. So, I figured if I played like that this year, you'd maybe stop thinking I was a kid who hasn't gone through puberty. Apparently not."
"I'm not really as bad a captain as this whole conversation seems to indicate," Eric finally informs them both after a really long silence.
Jeff looks at him, and when he licks his lips this time, it's a lot more deliberate. "I guess we can find out," he says.
…and then they probably bone, but since I'm not a Canes fan, I feel fine just leaving them in limbo
Reply
:-DDD SO MUCH MORE THAN I HAD DARED TO HOPE. <3 I'D APOLOGIZE FOR SHOUTING BUT I DON'T CARE; I LOVE THIS SO I NEED TO SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS.
Reply
Reply
Nah, this seems remarkably in-character (bearing in mind I don't know any of these people at all and - fingers crossed - never will) and way more fun than anything I had in mind. I love when people are flat-footed by someone else trying to pick them up.
Reply
I love when people are flat-footed by someone else trying to pick them up.
This is why I usually specify these memes with "NO REQUESTS ABOUT THE POPE, STEPHEN KING, BIGFOOT, ETC." but this time I thought I;d tempt fate XD
Reply
Well, you picked something I wouldn't have written, but loved to have written for me. Excellent, excellent present. :-D
Reply
Reply
Reply
(Oh, bb Skinner, I cannot believe you kicked at someone with your skate. Not on, kiddo, not on.)
Reply
(I know, geez! It's like, calm the fuck down, kiddo. I'm still hodling a grudge against him for swinging his stick like a goddamn baseball bat at Halpy's head. On his first game back from a concussion, kid, you should KNOW better. And LEAVE MY HOMETOWN BOY ALONE.
...but his tantrum still makes me laugh in delight.)
Reply
Leave a comment