Sorry, just haven't felt like talking much.
Good morning my loved ones:
I am back. I just haven't felt like talking much these past weeks. Depressed? When am I not depressed? I go back to my doctor in a few weeks, think maybe a change in meds is needed, but then I can't seem to remember to take my meds regularly, so hey, no wonder I don't feel so good mentally. But I think what I need most is a change in my thoughts, my feelings, and my daily activities.
It may be true that exercise is the best medicine. I took a test on my facebook page, something about "YOUR REAL AGE", and I scored 57 years old. Yikes, I am only 54. A couple of my friends took it, and they scored 5 years old (he is 35 years old) and his wife scored 13 years old (and she is maybe 28 years old), and I score 3 years older than I really am.
So I need to get off my somewhat fat ass and get moving, start the changes I always talk about making. So I decided that June 1, 2009 would be my starting point. And I did. Well, in regards to diet, which actually is a major issue for me. And I restarted the P90X program, which was as hard as I expected it to be. But this time I was able to do about 5 somewhat lame pushups, and the last time I couldn't even do 2 of them. Then I remind myself I am about 70 pounds overweight, so what could I have possibly expected on my first day? Goals? They seem so far away as to be unreachable, so it best to take 1 day at a time. Goals?
Well, my goal for June, 2009, is to seriously work on the diet/exercise issues, no watching certain types of movies, and NO binge eating (that will be difficult), and no impulse buying, and to spend time "outside" now that its summertime, rather than sitting on the couch watching television. That's it, those are the goals for this month. I love my store catalogues, especially Williams Sonoma. I love shopping, eating, watching television, and feeling sad and depressed and anxious. I must love them or I wouldnt do them?
So last weekend Mark was off so we headed to our lake house for the weekend. I wanted to try a Kroger's pizza and that was a mistake. Oh it tasted ok, but it seemed to mess up Mark's blood sugar, so I won't do that again. Odd though, for the last 3 trips we stop at Donato's for pizza in Franklin and he doesn't seem to have a problem with his blood sugar afterwards. But the Kroger's pizza did mess up his blood sugar. And he is diabetic, so maintaining his blood sugar is crucial. So I won't be buying that anymore.
Saturday morning we got up and headed to my Mom's to take her and his dad out to breakfast, then the usual trip to WalMart to get her some groceries and stuff we want. Notice I didn't say "stuff we need"? Anyway, I am always so shocked at checkout when the bill is ready. Mom always says "let me pay some on that", but I never let her. All she has is her social security, and a very SMALL pension from my Dad's pension, so her money is very tight. But we all have a good time and I think she really enjoys breakfast with us. My mom is nearly 80 years old, but is still pretty mobile, although I don't think she likes to drive much anymore.
So afterwards we headed back to the lake and the yard was in need of work, mowing, etc. So I started in on that, and also bought some flowers to plant, so mostly I worked in the yard to force myself to get outside into the sunshine, rather than sit and watch television. By the time we left to come home everything was nice and neat, the yard looked great, and all the flowers were planted, just in time for us to leave!
There is something wonderful about living down there, even if it's just weekends. Once the dam is fixed, and the spill ways, which won't be until next year, then they will fill the lake back to its normal size. During last years flood the dam breeched, and a lot of repair work is going on to correct it. Make it better. In case we have another flood. But, it's estimated that each homeowner (us) on the lake will end up paying about $5,000.00 once it's all said and done. Not to happy about that either. But it's in the lake association bylaws that they can't make us pay more than $1,000.00 per year. The lake board tried to change that, but everybody voted against it. And some people down there will have trouble trying to pay $1,000.00 per year.
I also bought a wireless intercom system for the lake house. I keep forgetting to bring it. Mark usually sleeps on the couch upstairs, because he is afraid if his blood sugar crashes he might not be able to climb the stairs from the downstairs bedrooms. Plus his Father always comes with us, and stays in the only bedroom on the main level. So if his Father needs something he won't hear him if he's sleeping downstairs. And if his blood sugar does crashes, since I sleep downstairs, I might not hear him, and that scares me. So I researched and found these wireless intercom's that I want us to use, just in case. He can push the button and yell my name and I will of course wake up, rather than try to hear him calling from upstairs. Anyway, I just want them as a precaution. The blood sugar crashes have only happened a few times, and I have been able to wake up easy enough, but I would feel safer with intercoms.
I have so much anxiety in me. I just got to find a way to release it. I just constantly worry, about Mark, family, friends, the future, our future. It's like I just have to be upset over something. And it's always in areas that I really have no real control over. Sure, I can fix healthy dinners, stuff like that, but I can't fix his diabetes, can't really protect the people I love from the things that nobody has any control over, death, disease, things like that. Just got to figure out a way to release myself from it.
I am back. I just haven't felt like talking much these past weeks. Depressed? When am I not depressed? I go back to my doctor in a few weeks, think maybe a change in meds is needed, but then I can't seem to remember to take my meds regularly, so hey, no wonder I don't feel so good mentally. But I think what I need most is a change in my thoughts, my feelings, and my daily activities.
It may be true that exercise is the best medicine. I took a test on my facebook page, something about "YOUR REAL AGE", and I scored 57 years old. Yikes, I am only 54. A couple of my friends took it, and they scored 5 years old (he is 35 years old) and his wife scored 13 years old (and she is maybe 28 years old), and I score 3 years older than I really am.
So I need to get off my somewhat fat ass and get moving, start the changes I always talk about making. So I decided that June 1, 2009 would be my starting point. And I did. Well, in regards to diet, which actually is a major issue for me. And I restarted the P90X program, which was as hard as I expected it to be. But this time I was able to do about 5 somewhat lame pushups, and the last time I couldn't even do 2 of them. Then I remind myself I am about 70 pounds overweight, so what could I have possibly expected on my first day? Goals? They seem so far away as to be unreachable, so it best to take 1 day at a time. Goals?
Well, my goal for June, 2009, is to seriously work on the diet/exercise issues, no watching certain types of movies, and NO binge eating (that will be difficult), and no impulse buying, and to spend time "outside" now that its summertime, rather than sitting on the couch watching television. That's it, those are the goals for this month. I love my store catalogues, especially Williams Sonoma. I love shopping, eating, watching television, and feeling sad and depressed and anxious. I must love them or I wouldnt do them?
So last weekend Mark was off so we headed to our lake house for the weekend. I wanted to try a Kroger's pizza and that was a mistake. Oh it tasted ok, but it seemed to mess up Mark's blood sugar, so I won't do that again. Odd though, for the last 3 trips we stop at Donato's for pizza in Franklin and he doesn't seem to have a problem with his blood sugar afterwards. But the Kroger's pizza did mess up his blood sugar. And he is diabetic, so maintaining his blood sugar is crucial. So I won't be buying that anymore.
Saturday morning we got up and headed to my Mom's to take her and his dad out to breakfast, then the usual trip to WalMart to get her some groceries and stuff we want. Notice I didn't say "stuff we need"? Anyway, I am always so shocked at checkout when the bill is ready. Mom always says "let me pay some on that", but I never let her. All she has is her social security, and a very SMALL pension from my Dad's pension, so her money is very tight. But we all have a good time and I think she really enjoys breakfast with us. My mom is nearly 80 years old, but is still pretty mobile, although I don't think she likes to drive much anymore.
So afterwards we headed back to the lake and the yard was in need of work, mowing, etc. So I started in on that, and also bought some flowers to plant, so mostly I worked in the yard to force myself to get outside into the sunshine, rather than sit and watch television. By the time we left to come home everything was nice and neat, the yard looked great, and all the flowers were planted, just in time for us to leave!
There is something wonderful about living down there, even if it's just weekends. Once the dam is fixed, and the spill ways, which won't be until next year, then they will fill the lake back to its normal size. During last years flood the dam breeched, and a lot of repair work is going on to correct it. Make it better. In case we have another flood. But, it's estimated that each homeowner (us) on the lake will end up paying about $5,000.00 once it's all said and done. Not to happy about that either. But it's in the lake association bylaws that they can't make us pay more than $1,000.00 per year. The lake board tried to change that, but everybody voted against it. And some people down there will have trouble trying to pay $1,000.00 per year.
I also bought a wireless intercom system for the lake house. I keep forgetting to bring it. Mark usually sleeps on the couch upstairs, because he is afraid if his blood sugar crashes he might not be able to climb the stairs from the downstairs bedrooms. Plus his Father always comes with us, and stays in the only bedroom on the main level. So if his Father needs something he won't hear him if he's sleeping downstairs. And if his blood sugar does crashes, since I sleep downstairs, I might not hear him, and that scares me. So I researched and found these wireless intercom's that I want us to use, just in case. He can push the button and yell my name and I will of course wake up, rather than try to hear him calling from upstairs. Anyway, I just want them as a precaution. The blood sugar crashes have only happened a few times, and I have been able to wake up easy enough, but I would feel safer with intercoms.
I have so much anxiety in me. I just got to find a way to release it. I just constantly worry, about Mark, family, friends, the future, our future. It's like I just have to be upset over something. And it's always in areas that I really have no real control over. Sure, I can fix healthy dinners, stuff like that, but I can't fix his diabetes, can't really protect the people I love from the things that nobody has any control over, death, disease, things like that. Just got to figure out a way to release myself from it.