From elseweb:

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
A realist sees a freight train.
A train driver sees three morons standing on the tracks. This entry was originally posted at https://thnidu.dreamwidth.org/1820180.html. You can comment here, or there using OpenID or your Dreamwidth ID.
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Seen elseweb. I might've written this, but I didn't. Besides, I'm never awake at 7:45 a.m.

I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8:00 for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned ( Read more... )

Seen elseweb:

I’m giving up drinking until this is over.
Sorry, bad punctuation.
I’m giving up. Drinking until this is over. This entry was originally posted at https://thnidu.dreamwidth.org/1810547.html. You can comment here, or there using OpenID or your Dreamwidth ID.
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Unlike my usual convention, this isn't a kvetch I'm sending to a poster or publisher. No, it's just the lead (or lede) paragraph of such a mailpiece, still in draft form.

I see a few apparent problems on your page 140 Key Copyediting Terms and What They Mean. Here boldface marks subheads = terms being defined on that page,l ( Read more... )

Seen elseweb:

The spread of COVID-19 is based on two factors

1. How dense the population is
2. How dense the population is

This entry was originally posted at https://thnidu.dreamwidth.org/1802406.html. You can comment here, or there using OpenID or your Dreamwidth ID.
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(Seen elseweb)

Q. What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common?

( The answer: )

Seen elseweb:

You thought dogs were hard to train?
Look at all the humans who can't SIT and STAY!

This entry was originally posted at https://thnidu.dreamwidth.org/1799792.html. You can comment here, or there using OpenID or your Dreamwidth ID.
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Very funny video, 3½ minutes

https://youtu.be/OonDPGwAyfQ

This entry was originally posted at https://thnidu.dreamwidth.org/1794154.html. You can comment here, or there using OpenID or your Dreamwidth ID.
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Copied from elseweb

CALLER:
Is this Gordon's Pizza?

GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:
My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the ( Read more... )

A Feghoot

http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/feghoot-iv-feghoot-in-captivity/Feghoot IV: Feghoot in captivity
Category: alt.callahans, Original Feghoots, Rated G

Ron Koolman posted this on alt.callahans. Chris Cole indicates that it may originally have been an Asimov pun.

In 2916, after a captivity of 22 years, Ferdinand Feghoot escaped from ( Read more... )