Candy is running low, lots of mistletoe, lots of snow and lights everywhere we go...
"At Christmas time everyone is in a different
mood. It's when you let your guard down and
celebrate eachother."
-Paula Dean
(who I want to be when I am old)
It's not a quote that is terribly insightful.
I just like it because there is so much truth to it.
It's something you can say in conversation and
not sound like you have had a quote stored in
the back of your mind just to pull out so you can
look...smart. I guess.
It makes me think of last Christmas.
By far my favorite Christmas.
It reminds me how easy it is to fall in love at
Christmas time and how it's a time not only to
celebrate the birth of our Savior, but just to celebrate
life.
It's so hard sometimes....
Not to get too caught up.
In everything.
Presents, parties, and your own problems.
You forget about what really matters.
I'm comforted right now...for the moment.
But life right now is so bittersweet.
Looking at the lights outside my window
watching the snowman I bought my dad for his birthday
twinkle and knowing that...
Just.
That.
Christmas is the time you want to fix things.
Be "right" with people.
Easier said than done, right?
I mean there are people I don't like out there.
And there are people that I really, REALLY don't like out there.
But.
There is something about Christmas that makes you want to like them.
At least for a little while.
I just don't want anyone to think that I hate them.
Esspecially around Christmas time.
I just want the drama out of my life.
And I feel like.
By removing or distancing myself from certain individuals
that drama and conflict would lessen.
Which it has in some asspects.
In others not so much.
It has just created a different kind of tension
in different areas of my life.
When removal seems like the only option for my sanity
it is virtually impossible.
Are there ever times when it seems like what you want
doesn't matter at all?
People say it matters, but when push comes to shove
whatever it is you want just doesn't seem to be "in the cards"
for you.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I feel like I am being torn in half.
Everything I want and everything thing I do seem to conflict with each other.
If I am too far away.
If I am too close.
If I am Upset or
if I am upset....(they're different)
Here or there.
I feel like the last to be picked for the kickball team.
Or the last one invited to a party.
The utterly rejected, but "socially accepted" feeling.
I feel like I shouldn't be here but have nowhere else to go.
I can't leave because it's not finished yet feeling.
I hate feeling like this at Christmas.
Conflicted.
Confused.
Happy.
Not happy.
Confused.
Like I said, at Christmas you just want to make things right.
I want warmth.
Not like heat.
Just warmth in life.
Right now I feel so cold.
Literally and metaphorically.
I'm hurt and I feel like I can't let much in.
And my feet are cold and I have socks on.
I don't know what it is about winter but I just turn into a
popsicle.
Any other kind of cold I enjoy.
But winter's cold.
Stay away.
I just want warmth.
mood. It's when you let your guard down and
celebrate eachother."
-Paula Dean
(who I want to be when I am old)
It's not a quote that is terribly insightful.
I just like it because there is so much truth to it.
It's something you can say in conversation and
not sound like you have had a quote stored in
the back of your mind just to pull out so you can
look...smart. I guess.
It makes me think of last Christmas.
By far my favorite Christmas.
It reminds me how easy it is to fall in love at
Christmas time and how it's a time not only to
celebrate the birth of our Savior, but just to celebrate
life.
It's so hard sometimes....
Not to get too caught up.
In everything.
Presents, parties, and your own problems.
You forget about what really matters.
I'm comforted right now...for the moment.
But life right now is so bittersweet.
Looking at the lights outside my window
watching the snowman I bought my dad for his birthday
twinkle and knowing that...
Just.
That.
Christmas is the time you want to fix things.
Be "right" with people.
Easier said than done, right?
I mean there are people I don't like out there.
And there are people that I really, REALLY don't like out there.
But.
There is something about Christmas that makes you want to like them.
At least for a little while.
I just don't want anyone to think that I hate them.
Esspecially around Christmas time.
I just want the drama out of my life.
And I feel like.
By removing or distancing myself from certain individuals
that drama and conflict would lessen.
Which it has in some asspects.
In others not so much.
It has just created a different kind of tension
in different areas of my life.
When removal seems like the only option for my sanity
it is virtually impossible.
Are there ever times when it seems like what you want
doesn't matter at all?
People say it matters, but when push comes to shove
whatever it is you want just doesn't seem to be "in the cards"
for you.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I feel like I am being torn in half.
Everything I want and everything thing I do seem to conflict with each other.
If I am too far away.
If I am too close.
If I am Upset or
if I am upset....(they're different)
Here or there.
I feel like the last to be picked for the kickball team.
Or the last one invited to a party.
The utterly rejected, but "socially accepted" feeling.
I feel like I shouldn't be here but have nowhere else to go.
I can't leave because it's not finished yet feeling.
I hate feeling like this at Christmas.
Conflicted.
Confused.
Happy.
Not happy.
Confused.
Like I said, at Christmas you just want to make things right.
I want warmth.
Not like heat.
Just warmth in life.
Right now I feel so cold.
Literally and metaphorically.
I'm hurt and I feel like I can't let much in.
And my feet are cold and I have socks on.
I don't know what it is about winter but I just turn into a
popsicle.
Any other kind of cold I enjoy.
But winter's cold.
Stay away.
I just want warmth.