After all...I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her.
Notting Hill.
Great movie.
She's scared, just like me.
I'm always scared.
Scared of love.
I know what finally.
I want to have respect for myself.
I want to take time in life to be calm and think things through and just be happy.
I want to be able to love unconditionally, without regret for what I have done or said or lived.
There are so many things in life that have made me unhappy with no fault of anyone but myself.
I'm not a bad person.
I never have been.
And would like to think I will never be a "bad person".
I've sinned and hurt people. But who hasn't?
I've hurt the one person I truly have loved more than anyone....possibly beyond repair.
I've said that I was going to change so many times that I have worn everyone around me thin.
I have exhausted myself beyond measure.
I have never been so emotionally distraught in my entire life.
I haven't eatten or slept right in almost two weeks.
I haven't found a relationship in my life that has yet to be funtional.
You're the only person that can changed you.
No therapist no preacher...no anybody is going to change you but you.
I'm trying so hard to have patience.
I find it ironic that the message in church today happened to be just that.
Patience.
No one likes to wait.
That just isn't how people are made.
And time just isn't something that life supplies us.
I can't believe it has been a year.
I didn't want my life to be where it is now....I still don't want it.
I want some kind of certainty.
I have felt nothing but sheer fear for almost a year now.
Fear of failure...of loosing something that now I don't even have.
Fear of hurt.
I'm going to change.
I have to.
The only therapist I need right now is God.
I have looked in all the wrong places for as long as I can remember.
Because I'm bitter and have been bitter towards the church.
It's no way to live and I can't live angry anymore.
I was thinking last night about how the Bible doesn't really give you anwsers.
It just tells you what the right thing to do is and what the wrong thing is but it doesn't
tell you what to do if you screw up.
I got my anwser this morning.
What to do when you mess up.
Ask for forgiveness from God.
I have wasted so much time hurting people, because I hurt.
I have been rude and uncaring and have hurt the person I cherish the most.
My bestfriend, my love.
I have wasted so much time and may never be able to fix it.
It will never change what I feel for him.
His absence will never lessen my love.
In fact I love him more now than I ever have.
He has never had anything but my best interest a heart.
I know that.
I always have.
Even through all the anger.
There's not a lot of people that have faith in my right now.
I'm not even really sure about how much faith I have in myself right now.
I have to change....to be happy.
There's no other way around it.
Being angry gets you nowhere in life.
Only happiness and love.
Love covers all.
Myself
by Edgar Guest
I have to live with myself, and so,
I want to be fit for myself to know;
I want to be able as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;
I don't want to dress myself up in sham.
I want to deserve all men's respect;
But here in this struggle for fame and pelf,
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to think as I come and go
That I'm for bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me,
I see what others may never see,
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself -- and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.
Great movie.
She's scared, just like me.
I'm always scared.
Scared of love.
I know what finally.
I want to have respect for myself.
I want to take time in life to be calm and think things through and just be happy.
I want to be able to love unconditionally, without regret for what I have done or said or lived.
There are so many things in life that have made me unhappy with no fault of anyone but myself.
I'm not a bad person.
I never have been.
And would like to think I will never be a "bad person".
I've sinned and hurt people. But who hasn't?
I've hurt the one person I truly have loved more than anyone....possibly beyond repair.
I've said that I was going to change so many times that I have worn everyone around me thin.
I have exhausted myself beyond measure.
I have never been so emotionally distraught in my entire life.
I haven't eatten or slept right in almost two weeks.
I haven't found a relationship in my life that has yet to be funtional.
You're the only person that can changed you.
No therapist no preacher...no anybody is going to change you but you.
I'm trying so hard to have patience.
I find it ironic that the message in church today happened to be just that.
Patience.
No one likes to wait.
That just isn't how people are made.
And time just isn't something that life supplies us.
I can't believe it has been a year.
I didn't want my life to be where it is now....I still don't want it.
I want some kind of certainty.
I have felt nothing but sheer fear for almost a year now.
Fear of failure...of loosing something that now I don't even have.
Fear of hurt.
I'm going to change.
I have to.
The only therapist I need right now is God.
I have looked in all the wrong places for as long as I can remember.
Because I'm bitter and have been bitter towards the church.
It's no way to live and I can't live angry anymore.
I was thinking last night about how the Bible doesn't really give you anwsers.
It just tells you what the right thing to do is and what the wrong thing is but it doesn't
tell you what to do if you screw up.
I got my anwser this morning.
What to do when you mess up.
Ask for forgiveness from God.
I have wasted so much time hurting people, because I hurt.
I have been rude and uncaring and have hurt the person I cherish the most.
My bestfriend, my love.
I have wasted so much time and may never be able to fix it.
It will never change what I feel for him.
His absence will never lessen my love.
In fact I love him more now than I ever have.
He has never had anything but my best interest a heart.
I know that.
I always have.
Even through all the anger.
There's not a lot of people that have faith in my right now.
I'm not even really sure about how much faith I have in myself right now.
I have to change....to be happy.
There's no other way around it.
Being angry gets you nowhere in life.
Only happiness and love.
Love covers all.
Myself
by Edgar Guest
I have to live with myself, and so,
I want to be fit for myself to know;
I want to be able as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;
I don't want to dress myself up in sham.
I want to deserve all men's respect;
But here in this struggle for fame and pelf,
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to think as I come and go
That I'm for bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me,
I see what others may never see,
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself -- and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.