(no subject)
I talk to Dave tonight. Sometimes....well, everytime I speak with him it makes me wonder why I am still sitting here and not on a plane. But, I guess there is a reason for why I am not there.
I skipped school today, I didnt feel up to spending 8 hours with a bunch of people. I wrote songs tonight, and I reread things I once wrote. I could tell who each one was about. ... Last night I wrote Nick a message and told him that I was leaving him alone, and to tell Amanda to stop talking to me and rubbing in the fact that she won and I lost. As Parker put it it's weird how much of an impact he had on your life. And it is, but ... but nothing. The first time I saw him, I was speachless. That entire day was amazing, as were the other I was with him. There were things about him that were unbelievable. And if he can find somebody [one person] that he can be with ... well, then he'd be like the perfect guy. Only shorter. ... I dont miss him, not the way others are thinking. I'm just weird over the fact that he was so...different. and now he is gone. But gone for the best. Matt is here. For the best? I dont know.
Everyone says that when you're in love...you'll just know it. But you're putting up blocks on feelings then there is a great chance you wont be able to see it. I dont know if this is love, but I know how he makes me feel. And although this is going to be hard for me, I am going to ask him about Sara, and other things. And I will make sure he answers. Because I'm sick of falling for a guy who's falling for two girls at the same time. ...
My dream last night : ... Matt was with some girl, I dont know who she was...but .. I beat her up. Badly. Then we were all in this room for some reason, and it was all weird and I was still hitting her. Then I said I was leaving now, and I got up. But then, I stopped and said "the only reason I did that to you...was because you're with him. And .... I love him and it pisses me off because you get him" then i started crying. And she stands up and guides me towards Matt and says that we're going to be together anyway. And I'm just saying "no no no" and then I wake up.
I dont know what it is but all of my dreams are so fucking weird lately. The other day I had one that I was in a car accident and Nick found me and then everyone was at the hospital and Nick and Matt started to be friends while I am in this coma and then Nick was there when i woke up and he hugged me and then Matt walked in and blah blah. It was so fucking odd. what the shit?
I skipped school today, I didnt feel up to spending 8 hours with a bunch of people. I wrote songs tonight, and I reread things I once wrote. I could tell who each one was about. ... Last night I wrote Nick a message and told him that I was leaving him alone, and to tell Amanda to stop talking to me and rubbing in the fact that she won and I lost. As Parker put it it's weird how much of an impact he had on your life. And it is, but ... but nothing. The first time I saw him, I was speachless. That entire day was amazing, as were the other I was with him. There were things about him that were unbelievable. And if he can find somebody [one person] that he can be with ... well, then he'd be like the perfect guy. Only shorter. ... I dont miss him, not the way others are thinking. I'm just weird over the fact that he was so...different. and now he is gone. But gone for the best. Matt is here. For the best? I dont know.
Everyone says that when you're in love...you'll just know it. But you're putting up blocks on feelings then there is a great chance you wont be able to see it. I dont know if this is love, but I know how he makes me feel. And although this is going to be hard for me, I am going to ask him about Sara, and other things. And I will make sure he answers. Because I'm sick of falling for a guy who's falling for two girls at the same time. ...
My dream last night : ... Matt was with some girl, I dont know who she was...but .. I beat her up. Badly. Then we were all in this room for some reason, and it was all weird and I was still hitting her. Then I said I was leaving now, and I got up. But then, I stopped and said "the only reason I did that to you...was because you're with him. And .... I love him and it pisses me off because you get him" then i started crying. And she stands up and guides me towards Matt and says that we're going to be together anyway. And I'm just saying "no no no" and then I wake up.
I dont know what it is but all of my dreams are so fucking weird lately. The other day I had one that I was in a car accident and Nick found me and then everyone was at the hospital and Nick and Matt started to be friends while I am in this coma and then Nick was there when i woke up and he hugged me and then Matt walked in and blah blah. It was so fucking odd. what the shit?