Now I definitely don't write in here very much anymore; however tonight I felt the urge to get my thoughts out there. Maybe once I get it down in writing, I'll feel better about it all
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The fact of the matter is, I don't really know what it is that I need to do to be happy. I know that I'm not unhappy with my life as a whole, I think I just feel like there is more potential for me out there. Since the end of my senior year I've been feeling the itch to get out. And so I saw the world - well...western Europe anyway and it was invigorating and it was refreshing and it was something I feel like I can't even describe in words.
And then I came back to Boston - back to the city I've spent the past four (almost five) years in and it was exactly the same. And yes there was a sense of comfort knowing that I could almost pick up where I left off. I decided to postpone my plans to pack up and go to New York. And yes, money was a huge factor...but I think for the most part it was fear too. Fear of moving to a new place, fear of beginning again, fear of failure. So I chose to remain for another year only to now realize that Boston isn't the same city I thought I was returning to at the end of June. In fact, everything had totally changed. Friends changed, locations changed, and most of all I changed. At the same time daily routine and every weekend feels the same.
I was hoping this job would give me another reason to remain here. But the truth is, I don't feel like Boston is where I belong anymore. While my life has already changed so much since college, I'm still just comfortable. I'm still waiting for something new to happen.
And then I came back to Boston - back to the city I've spent the past four (almost five) years in and it was exactly the same. And yes there was a sense of comfort knowing that I could almost pick up where I left off. I decided to postpone my plans to pack up and go to New York. And yes, money was a huge factor...but I think for the most part it was fear too. Fear of moving to a new place, fear of beginning again, fear of failure. So I chose to remain for another year only to now realize that Boston isn't the same city I thought I was returning to at the end of June. In fact, everything had totally changed. Friends changed, locations changed, and most of all I changed. At the same time daily routine and every weekend feels the same.
I was hoping this job would give me another reason to remain here. But the truth is, I don't feel like Boston is where I belong anymore. While my life has already changed so much since college, I'm still just comfortable. I'm still waiting for something new to happen.
I guess I still just have a lot to figure out...
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