(no subject)
So last night I went to my boyfriend’s house and we watched movies. I had fun but I ended up crying because I felt so huge. And I ended up doing something that I never thought I would do. I bought laxis. I couldn’t help it! I needed so badly to feel empty again.
After I left his house, which was at like 4:30 am, I went to Walgreens to get a notebook that would fit into my purse and I got magazines that had pictures of skinny girls in them. (I wanted to start a new food journal so that I could be more precise about what I eat and the amount of calories I consume)
While I was there, I ran into a girl who I went to high school with. She was incredibly drunk.
She was like “your face looks different”
And I said “yeah, that’s what everyone keeps saying… I’ve lost a little weight”
And she goes “you don’t look like you’ve lost weight”
*SOB* I seriously wanted to just breakdown crying right there… I mean yes, she was drunk, and yes I was wearing a big sweatshirt and big sweatpants but STILL!
I was so pissed off. I went home and found my sister and her friend still awake and so we smoked for a little bit.
This morning I felt great. I felt empty. I felt thin.
I wrote down all of the foods I am allowing myself to eat, and their calorie content.
· Apples 1 medium = 81 cals
· Carrots 10 baby = 40 cals
· Tomatoes 1 medium = 26 cals
· Spinach (fresh) 1 cup = 7 cals
· Hummus 2 tbs = 50 cals
· Chicken Broth (fat free) 1 cup = 5 cals
· Cottage Cheese (fat free) ½ cup = 80 cals
· Egg Beaters ¼ cup = 30 cals
· Skim Milk ¼ cup = 20 cals
· Fiber One ¼ cup = 30 cals
· Hot Sauce No Calories
So far today this is all I have had:
- ½ cup Egg Beaters à 60 cal
- ¼ cup Skim Milk à 20 cal
- ¼ cup Fiber One à 30 cal
TOTAL: 110 cal!
I'm doing great so far!