I've got dreams....dreams to remember...

[thisisdisconect]

so many trivial things. so many meaningful words. so many wonderful memories. too many lies. too much drama. too much shit-talking. I don't know what to do anymore....and worst of all I don't know who to believe. if I could just turn off my phone, curl up in bed, and sleep for a month, then I would. I hate receiving text messages telling me who not to trust, who's been talking shit, and speculations. please friends--unless you hear something definite or see something fucked up occur--then don't tell me yr theories....everytime I get one of these shit talking texts, it breaks my heart....I get super bummed out and I have an anxiety attack; all for what, hearsay? I know the person I care most about is pretty sketchy and sometimes its hard to believe him, but I do trust him a good majority of the time--i like to give him the benefit of the doubt. I like to see the good in him; he makes me feel so great--how could he be a bad person? there's no way I could imagine that. he's been the first person in a long time to make me feel all warm inside; and what I like most about him?? I feel like he brings out the best in me--the easy going, optomistic, super funny, and loving person that I know deep down inside that I truely am. why would I want to give that up? I can't. I have no solid reason to move on...other than other people's opinions and assumptions. I can't take it, I wanna figure this one out on my own. maybe something will happen and I'll be beyond happy and have what I've always wanted--but maybe I'll have my heart broken and not be willing to trust anyone for a while, either way....I need to do this myself, I need to access the situation and go thru it with a clear head, not swayed be other's thoughts.

please please don't break my heart.