Talking with The Girl about The Ghost
Last night Allie came over and hung out with us for a little while. We had dinner and then played Rummy. I kicked their butts. (hahahaha). Then we sat on the couch and talked for a little while. It was nice.
She went home and then Brandon and I smoked and continued to talk. We stayed up really late, just talking to each other about our life stuff, and other stuff going on. Then The Girl woke up, around 2 am. (yes, we were still up). She came out because she wanted to snuggle and she said she was afraid of "the ghost". She's been saying that for a long time and i've been so frustrated with her. I have been trying to think about where she got this ghost idea from, because we never watch anything scary with her.
We did watch Transformers the other day, so maybe that had something to do with it. She has said Monster before, and I know they used that word in the movie. So maybe....
Brandon tried to put her back in bed and she freaked out. She was obviously scared about it, and it wasn't just a game or something she said to get out of going to bed. She was holding onto Brandon tightly, and didn't want to go in her room. So Brandon asked her why she was scared. She said there was a Ghost. Brandon asked her to show us where it was. She walked in her room and pointed at her light. She said (and i realize now that she's said this several times before), that the ghost was under her light.
She has a flower light that we bought at IKEA months ago. It hangs on the wall, with the 'stem' (cord) hanging down into the outlet. She's never been afraid of it before, or at least she didn't show any signs of it, until recently. (like within the last month or so). But she has said that the ghost was in her light, several times, but it wasn't until last night that it really clicked.
So Brandon asked several questions about the Ghost, and the way she was feeling about it. She said that it scared her and she didn't want the flower anymore. So Brandon took the flower off and she was fine. Then she was afraid of the shadow around the light, and we explained to her that it was just a shadow. I pointed out the other shadows in the room, and she said she was scared. But then i showed her how you can hold up your hand next to the wall and see your own shadow. I explained how everyone had a shadow. (i'll have to show her Peter Pan, now that i think about it.) She seemed to understand and that calmed her down a bit.
Then Brandon explained that the Transformers aren't real and that if she's scared of them, she can just turn the TV off and they will go away.
Brandon went to bed and i stayed up with Kathryn for a little while longer. We talked about other stuff, and she just kept repeating the same thing over and over, about the Transformers not being real. It's good, i think it will help her.
It was hard to tell her that Ghosts weren't real, when i have a hard time believing that myself. I've had too many years of being really into the supernatural, so it's hard for me to just stop believing. And thats why i can't watch scary movies anymore, because i get too freaked out and i really can't tell the difference between real and pretend. So after my talk with Kat about how they weren't real, i managed to freak myself out.
I went to bed and laid there, and expected something to pop out at me. Ugh i hate feeling like that. 10 min. later, Kathryn crawled into bed with me, and i didn't make her go back to bed. We'll have to work on getting her to stay in her bed. But i'm not going to yell at her about the ghost or put her in her room by herself anymore.... because i can understand how it makes her feel. I feel like such a horrilbe parent for not getting it before.... but i do now.
Today things went so much smoother on the way to school. I got the kids up and dressed, and didn't have to yell at them. I did put Tyler in time out because he pushed Kathryn. She started it, but he shouldn't have continued. I put him in time out and then i explained that he is a big boy, and as The Older Brother, it is his responsibilitly to try and work it out with her, and to use his words. He was unhappy at first, but then we worked on things we could say to each other, and then it calmed them both down. (wow it's amazing what talking to your kids will do!)
The kids helped each other get dressed, and then they brushed their teeth, and by the time we left the house, we were already a half hour late. But i wasn't yelling or screaming, i wasn't angry at all. I was happy and talking with them both. i know this is awful to say, but normally i'm angry and yelling by the time they get in the car and it's time to get there. They normally fight on the way there and i'm yelling at them...... but today was different.
Today Kathryn got in the car, and i strapped her in. We had 1 issue where Kathryn opened the graham crackers and i took them away from her and gave them to Tyler to hold. That pissed her off and she screamed for a min., but i talked her through it. I explained that we don't want to open the crackers in the car, because they are going to school with her. And that made her happy because she had thought we were going to leave them in the car.
We got there and she was upset about leaving the car. She didn't want to go to school. But instead of me getting angry with her, i talked to her. She said she didn't want to go to school because she wanted to stay with me. (aww). I told her that we could play pretty princess dress up when she got home from school. And that made her really happy. So she went inside and then it was fine.
Brandon mentioned to me last night, that he thinks we have been too hard on Kat. It makes sense. She is only 2, but because she has such a large vocabulary, we get it in our minds that she is older than she really is. And because she can talk so much, we expect so much more of her. I was trying to think what Tyler was like at this age. He was a baby still.....
Just Wow. And then Kathryn.....
She just looks more mature, and they were pretty much the same age here.
At 2, i remember Tyler was barely talking. He said some words, but not very many at all. Kathryn on the other hand, has whole conversations with you. Shannon (her new teacher), was just telling me how well she talks. And how surprised she was, that she can say big words, like "decorations" and "breakable". Last night she was telling us that the Ghost was being "diccifult" (difficult), and she was saying how perfect the light was now that the flower wasn't on there. It's just stuff like this that she says.... she is just so incredibly smart. Tyler was very smart at this age also, but he showed it in different ways. (like being able to get out of the house when he was 10 months old).
So, you can understand why i expect more out of her. She *is* smart, and she should be able to do the things i ask her to do. However, i shouldn't expect her to do everything because she is only 2, and she's only going to learn from seeing what we do. Yelling at her is definitely not going to help. I know that, and yet i haven't really understood it. Until now.
I guess this whole thing just makes me realize that it *is* possible to be happy with 2 crazy kids. I am sure this is just one day, but i know now that i *can* be calm and happy with the kids. It's just going to take time, and lots and lots of patience. But i will keep telling myself that i can do it. I just have to talk it through...... and realize that my kids have feelings too. They are real people, who have real thoughts, and real feelings. And I can have real conversations with them because you know what? They are smart. And that makes me so incredibly proud of them. :)
She went home and then Brandon and I smoked and continued to talk. We stayed up really late, just talking to each other about our life stuff, and other stuff going on. Then The Girl woke up, around 2 am. (yes, we were still up). She came out because she wanted to snuggle and she said she was afraid of "the ghost". She's been saying that for a long time and i've been so frustrated with her. I have been trying to think about where she got this ghost idea from, because we never watch anything scary with her.
We did watch Transformers the other day, so maybe that had something to do with it. She has said Monster before, and I know they used that word in the movie. So maybe....
Brandon tried to put her back in bed and she freaked out. She was obviously scared about it, and it wasn't just a game or something she said to get out of going to bed. She was holding onto Brandon tightly, and didn't want to go in her room. So Brandon asked her why she was scared. She said there was a Ghost. Brandon asked her to show us where it was. She walked in her room and pointed at her light. She said (and i realize now that she's said this several times before), that the ghost was under her light.
She has a flower light that we bought at IKEA months ago. It hangs on the wall, with the 'stem' (cord) hanging down into the outlet. She's never been afraid of it before, or at least she didn't show any signs of it, until recently. (like within the last month or so). But she has said that the ghost was in her light, several times, but it wasn't until last night that it really clicked.
So Brandon asked several questions about the Ghost, and the way she was feeling about it. She said that it scared her and she didn't want the flower anymore. So Brandon took the flower off and she was fine. Then she was afraid of the shadow around the light, and we explained to her that it was just a shadow. I pointed out the other shadows in the room, and she said she was scared. But then i showed her how you can hold up your hand next to the wall and see your own shadow. I explained how everyone had a shadow. (i'll have to show her Peter Pan, now that i think about it.) She seemed to understand and that calmed her down a bit.
Then Brandon explained that the Transformers aren't real and that if she's scared of them, she can just turn the TV off and they will go away.
Brandon went to bed and i stayed up with Kathryn for a little while longer. We talked about other stuff, and she just kept repeating the same thing over and over, about the Transformers not being real. It's good, i think it will help her.
It was hard to tell her that Ghosts weren't real, when i have a hard time believing that myself. I've had too many years of being really into the supernatural, so it's hard for me to just stop believing. And thats why i can't watch scary movies anymore, because i get too freaked out and i really can't tell the difference between real and pretend. So after my talk with Kat about how they weren't real, i managed to freak myself out.
I went to bed and laid there, and expected something to pop out at me. Ugh i hate feeling like that. 10 min. later, Kathryn crawled into bed with me, and i didn't make her go back to bed. We'll have to work on getting her to stay in her bed. But i'm not going to yell at her about the ghost or put her in her room by herself anymore.... because i can understand how it makes her feel. I feel like such a horrilbe parent for not getting it before.... but i do now.
Today things went so much smoother on the way to school. I got the kids up and dressed, and didn't have to yell at them. I did put Tyler in time out because he pushed Kathryn. She started it, but he shouldn't have continued. I put him in time out and then i explained that he is a big boy, and as The Older Brother, it is his responsibilitly to try and work it out with her, and to use his words. He was unhappy at first, but then we worked on things we could say to each other, and then it calmed them both down. (wow it's amazing what talking to your kids will do!)
The kids helped each other get dressed, and then they brushed their teeth, and by the time we left the house, we were already a half hour late. But i wasn't yelling or screaming, i wasn't angry at all. I was happy and talking with them both. i know this is awful to say, but normally i'm angry and yelling by the time they get in the car and it's time to get there. They normally fight on the way there and i'm yelling at them...... but today was different.
Today Kathryn got in the car, and i strapped her in. We had 1 issue where Kathryn opened the graham crackers and i took them away from her and gave them to Tyler to hold. That pissed her off and she screamed for a min., but i talked her through it. I explained that we don't want to open the crackers in the car, because they are going to school with her. And that made her happy because she had thought we were going to leave them in the car.
We got there and she was upset about leaving the car. She didn't want to go to school. But instead of me getting angry with her, i talked to her. She said she didn't want to go to school because she wanted to stay with me. (aww). I told her that we could play pretty princess dress up when she got home from school. And that made her really happy. So she went inside and then it was fine.
Brandon mentioned to me last night, that he thinks we have been too hard on Kat. It makes sense. She is only 2, but because she has such a large vocabulary, we get it in our minds that she is older than she really is. And because she can talk so much, we expect so much more of her. I was trying to think what Tyler was like at this age. He was a baby still.....
Just Wow. And then Kathryn.....
She just looks more mature, and they were pretty much the same age here.
At 2, i remember Tyler was barely talking. He said some words, but not very many at all. Kathryn on the other hand, has whole conversations with you. Shannon (her new teacher), was just telling me how well she talks. And how surprised she was, that she can say big words, like "decorations" and "breakable". Last night she was telling us that the Ghost was being "diccifult" (difficult), and she was saying how perfect the light was now that the flower wasn't on there. It's just stuff like this that she says.... she is just so incredibly smart. Tyler was very smart at this age also, but he showed it in different ways. (like being able to get out of the house when he was 10 months old).
So, you can understand why i expect more out of her. She *is* smart, and she should be able to do the things i ask her to do. However, i shouldn't expect her to do everything because she is only 2, and she's only going to learn from seeing what we do. Yelling at her is definitely not going to help. I know that, and yet i haven't really understood it. Until now.
I guess this whole thing just makes me realize that it *is* possible to be happy with 2 crazy kids. I am sure this is just one day, but i know now that i *can* be calm and happy with the kids. It's just going to take time, and lots and lots of patience. But i will keep telling myself that i can do it. I just have to talk it through...... and realize that my kids have feelings too. They are real people, who have real thoughts, and real feelings. And I can have real conversations with them because you know what? They are smart. And that makes me so incredibly proud of them. :)