and lights will guide you home...
Here is your horoscope for Saturday, December 17:
Change is on the horizon -- change of the most major kind. You're completely in charge of getting the show on the road, and you'll meet absolutely no resistance whatsoever getting started. Why fight it? Don't stop yourself.
---
that's right.
I won't stop myself.
not this time.
this time, it will be pure.
I'm going to do it right.
---
I watched GIA tonight; it's beautiful... Angelina Jolie has amazing arms and legs, and she is quite beautiful... and not only do you get the inspiration to be thin...
you get the inspiration to be beautiful.
and sometimes, that's all you need.
---
I'm doing a lot better, I think. I've sort of pushed away the issue till late at night, when I'm alone and unseen. I'm alright with hugging and stuff now... I wouldn't let anyone touch me at first... but I still shrink away, a little, as if I want to dissapear... "into the nothingness I feel..."
I'm usually okay till we hit about 2 AM, but aren't we all?
I just can't ignore the thoughts in my head that tell me I'm worthless, and that's why I deserved it. It was my punishment; it was my fault. It feels like I'm being suffocated at times, and I can't think of anything else but cutting my air off, and pretending I am a corpse, a shriveled fetus, of sorts.
I am pro-choice.
but I feel like an aborted fetus; unwanted, due to lost nights of lost one-night-stands, ignored, invisible, tossed away like yesterday's newspaper on concrete steps.
I feel empty.
---
I ate slightly regularly this week, and I feel terrible.
I'm purging again; glad to be back... yet sad?
I'm going to wean myself off of purging
until I want starvation again.
ana, in the end, will always come through.
---
Christmastime makes me happy, yet aware of the fact that once again, I am utterly alone...
but I can't decide whether I want to be or not.
Change is on the horizon -- change of the most major kind. You're completely in charge of getting the show on the road, and you'll meet absolutely no resistance whatsoever getting started. Why fight it? Don't stop yourself.
---
that's right.
I won't stop myself.
not this time.
this time, it will be pure.
I'm going to do it right.
---
I watched GIA tonight; it's beautiful... Angelina Jolie has amazing arms and legs, and she is quite beautiful... and not only do you get the inspiration to be thin...
you get the inspiration to be beautiful.
and sometimes, that's all you need.
---
I'm doing a lot better, I think. I've sort of pushed away the issue till late at night, when I'm alone and unseen. I'm alright with hugging and stuff now... I wouldn't let anyone touch me at first... but I still shrink away, a little, as if I want to dissapear... "into the nothingness I feel..."
I'm usually okay till we hit about 2 AM, but aren't we all?
I just can't ignore the thoughts in my head that tell me I'm worthless, and that's why I deserved it. It was my punishment; it was my fault. It feels like I'm being suffocated at times, and I can't think of anything else but cutting my air off, and pretending I am a corpse, a shriveled fetus, of sorts.
I am pro-choice.
but I feel like an aborted fetus; unwanted, due to lost nights of lost one-night-stands, ignored, invisible, tossed away like yesterday's newspaper on concrete steps.
I feel empty.
---
I ate slightly regularly this week, and I feel terrible.
I'm purging again; glad to be back... yet sad?
I'm going to wean myself off of purging
until I want starvation again.
ana, in the end, will always come through.
---
Christmastime makes me happy, yet aware of the fact that once again, I am utterly alone...
but I can't decide whether I want to be or not.