(no subject)

[this_is_for_ana]

i was doing good until i went to out w/ adam and his family.
mentally and physically.

i ate.
but guess what?

that's not the worst part...

his fat fuck of a brother tried to fuck me.
with lights out and me wasted,
i thought it was tony.
i made no move; i didn't even touch him, so i didn't know.
and i kiss, no biggie
but then he took off all my clothes
and i was like "wow. his kisses are different; he's eager."
"whatever." i thought.
and then he was touching me above the waist
and i was huddled in a ball
and tried to keep him just kissing me
after he wouldn't just GO AWAY like i said.
d.a.r.e. is wrong; STOP does NOT work.
and then he took off his pants
and i go "HELL NO. get AWAY"
but he tries to fuck me
several times
and i kicked him. several times.
until i got away.
and was like "tony. you're not tony. you can't be."
i felt the fat when i kicked him.
and i touched his hair.
it was adam's 19-year-old
deadbeat fat asshole disgusting stepbrother
i had said "tony" several times.
and he responded.
and i got my clothes
and walked the fuck out.

he apologizes later
says he doesn't remember anything but kissing
yeah
fuck you.
fucking liar
don't even look at me, because i won't look at you.

i know it's my fault.
i know.
everything is my fault.
i just feel really disgusting.

and i'll never eat again.
not if i can help it.