Part 2: About Me
I definitely haven't posted on this lovely website in a long time. It's fun to visit once in a while, look at my past, relive thoughts, etc.
Here's an update in my life. I'm a fifth year here at school. I finally made it, and I'm graduating in less than 3 months. It's exciting and scary and unbelievable all at the same time.
As for recent times, I've been living in this house 8 miles south of Irvine in a city called Lake Forest. I have my own room still, but the owner of the house is pretty strict. She won't allow overnight guests so it's tough even to just have my sister visit me. She also stopped me from using a personal heater because those machines breaches her "fire insurance." In retrospect I guess her regulations make sense. Guests aren't allowed probably cause it's kind of awkward to have them, and personal heaters do pose a threat to the safety of the house. In the end though, I think she just doesn't want to deal with the extra costs that come with both situations. She's this cute Vietnamese lady who used to own a bunch of nail salons before she retired. She gives me fruits from her backyard and sometimes cooks me dinner. All in all I'm not complaining.
I also had to tell my parents that I am gay. Excuse me, that I like men (because apparently I don't act like a gay guy. How is a gay guy supposed to act? That's for another post). Anyways, times are already pretty shaky without having to come out what with graduation and the job search and really planning for the rest of my life. My parents are also going through some crappy times what with the house remodeling that's taking more than a year to do. Nevertheless, I don't have regrets on my part. The only regret that I have is that it wasn't as positive as I had hoped for. It wasn't all that bad, I mean my parents still talk to me and I am welcome to come home whenever I want. They do request that I try not to keep girlfriends out of my life, but even that will be hard to come by (especially after reading my previous post). Thanks to all my friends in advance for all your support. I definitely am aware that it will take a long time before my parents can finally accept who I am, but it's ok. Normality and homeostasis in families especially in America is relative, and time will only tell.
I still have the same car. I've been wearing the same clothes for the past year. I still have a majority of my closest friends by my side. I look the same but I definitely don't feel the same. In a sense, I feel as though a part of me died. I'm being emo here. It's hard to describe. I don't have that same spark that I used to have. It could of been the drinking/drugs, all the times I was screwed over literally and figuratively, and just experiencing life. I guess that's what's part of growing up is that you "mature" emotionally. Or maybe I'm just purely heartless now. I'm taking Janelle to a lot of places because my mom and dad are kind of old for that stuff and they look more and more tired as time passes. But even when we do crazy cool things, I am not impressed too much. I mean Lord knows my family is not poor, but we're not rich either. I really don't understand why emotionally feel burned out, but that's OK too.
Nevertheless, coming out, doing really well in school, and getting so close to graduation has really upped the confidence that I have for myself. I'm not afraid to voice out my opinion to anyone, even if it's my research adviser, my friends, or my parents, even if I can't articulate it well. I'm improving the way I talk and I can explain things much better than before. I admit there are still some situations when blah-blahs come out of my mouth, but it's not as frequent as before. It's a continuing process, and now that I'm aware that I can be confident, I catch myself being excessively modest. Plus I can stand up straight now. Jeez, I can't believe how long my posture has been like that but damn, hunching over for years can have a really bad effect on physical appearance and self-esteem!
Aside from a few inconveniences, life is treating me relatively well. I went home last week for a couple days, and my parents are still goofy, my sister is still sassy, and I feel quite happy. I see potential for a bright future, and I have a lot of dreams that I want to accomplish before I die, which is hopefully a long ass time from now. I can also be thankful for all of you who can put up with my bullshit, flakiness, and conceit. But of course there were the times that we had loads of fun, and I can assure you that there will be more of that in store. I love you all and may God bless you.
Until next time...
Here's an update in my life. I'm a fifth year here at school. I finally made it, and I'm graduating in less than 3 months. It's exciting and scary and unbelievable all at the same time.
As for recent times, I've been living in this house 8 miles south of Irvine in a city called Lake Forest. I have my own room still, but the owner of the house is pretty strict. She won't allow overnight guests so it's tough even to just have my sister visit me. She also stopped me from using a personal heater because those machines breaches her "fire insurance." In retrospect I guess her regulations make sense. Guests aren't allowed probably cause it's kind of awkward to have them, and personal heaters do pose a threat to the safety of the house. In the end though, I think she just doesn't want to deal with the extra costs that come with both situations. She's this cute Vietnamese lady who used to own a bunch of nail salons before she retired. She gives me fruits from her backyard and sometimes cooks me dinner. All in all I'm not complaining.
I also had to tell my parents that I am gay. Excuse me, that I like men (because apparently I don't act like a gay guy. How is a gay guy supposed to act? That's for another post). Anyways, times are already pretty shaky without having to come out what with graduation and the job search and really planning for the rest of my life. My parents are also going through some crappy times what with the house remodeling that's taking more than a year to do. Nevertheless, I don't have regrets on my part. The only regret that I have is that it wasn't as positive as I had hoped for. It wasn't all that bad, I mean my parents still talk to me and I am welcome to come home whenever I want. They do request that I try not to keep girlfriends out of my life, but even that will be hard to come by (especially after reading my previous post). Thanks to all my friends in advance for all your support. I definitely am aware that it will take a long time before my parents can finally accept who I am, but it's ok. Normality and homeostasis in families especially in America is relative, and time will only tell.
I still have the same car. I've been wearing the same clothes for the past year. I still have a majority of my closest friends by my side. I look the same but I definitely don't feel the same. In a sense, I feel as though a part of me died. I'm being emo here. It's hard to describe. I don't have that same spark that I used to have. It could of been the drinking/drugs, all the times I was screwed over literally and figuratively, and just experiencing life. I guess that's what's part of growing up is that you "mature" emotionally. Or maybe I'm just purely heartless now. I'm taking Janelle to a lot of places because my mom and dad are kind of old for that stuff and they look more and more tired as time passes. But even when we do crazy cool things, I am not impressed too much. I mean Lord knows my family is not poor, but we're not rich either. I really don't understand why emotionally feel burned out, but that's OK too.
Nevertheless, coming out, doing really well in school, and getting so close to graduation has really upped the confidence that I have for myself. I'm not afraid to voice out my opinion to anyone, even if it's my research adviser, my friends, or my parents, even if I can't articulate it well. I'm improving the way I talk and I can explain things much better than before. I admit there are still some situations when blah-blahs come out of my mouth, but it's not as frequent as before. It's a continuing process, and now that I'm aware that I can be confident, I catch myself being excessively modest. Plus I can stand up straight now. Jeez, I can't believe how long my posture has been like that but damn, hunching over for years can have a really bad effect on physical appearance and self-esteem!
Aside from a few inconveniences, life is treating me relatively well. I went home last week for a couple days, and my parents are still goofy, my sister is still sassy, and I feel quite happy. I see potential for a bright future, and I have a lot of dreams that I want to accomplish before I die, which is hopefully a long ass time from now. I can also be thankful for all of you who can put up with my bullshit, flakiness, and conceit. But of course there were the times that we had loads of fun, and I can assure you that there will be more of that in store. I love you all and may God bless you.
Until next time...