X-mas VACA>..
This Christmas vacation was definitely a character builder. I faced a lot of opposition when I got home. I can’t say I slid into my old ways, but it was definitely painful. I felt like I well walked into a glass slider door. I saw my old self, but it was a struggle to be the person I know I am in Christ and respond rather than react. I guess I can’t say I was perfect in this area, but I know that if I did slide into my old habits, quickly shook the dust from my feet, and jumped back into my good suite, so to speak. I bumped heads with my dad quite a bit, but it was good. We finally made a big jump in our relationship for the better, after we talked about what was going on. My dad shared that it was hard for Him to have me home, because its hard for Him to know he is going to have to say good bye again. He loved having me home, and missed me so much, but to think of having to say good bye really brought him to the blues, and he figured if he could be mad at me when I left it would be like a good riddance. It was a self defense mechanism, and he finally broke his habit. He let me know what was going on, and tried not to bite out at me, so that we would be mad at each other, and we had an awesome time together.
I had made a goal to pray every day for two hours, and have it open for anyone who would like to join. I can safely say that this did not happen. I was sort of disappointed in myself that I could not organize it and make it happen. However I learned that holding the event in itself is not a problem for me, but all that it takes to get it going is not a strong point and I need to work on that. I did go to a prayer meeting with my mom, and taught a few ladies harp and bowl, and later in the week went to a singles group prayer meet, and actively participated in that. I had a few group conversations about my experience here at Youth Storm, and people after told me that something I said, really ministered to them, which encouraged me. I learned a lot about the pain behind a divorce this Christmas. I good friend of mine is getting her second divorce. The first marriage did not work out because her husband left her and her two kids. I can’t say she had a great family background and has faced a lot of pain and rejection in this area, so it is no wonder why she is struggling now. She has two kids from the first divorce, who are really having a hard time with the whole situation, because there whole life as they knew it, plus a lot of their mothers character has been dramatically altered. Particularly and up keeping of the family atmosphere. Her youngest is struggling not being able to see his daddy all the time and also because his mommy isn’t quite as he remembers her to be... IT was hard for me to see, because I couldn’t do anything about it but to pray, and be there for her kids, and her. They hated being home. Especially her oldest, so I made it a point to give T-time some one on one a few times while I was back. I talked with her, listened to her, and gave her advice, I prayer with her, and am praying for her, and her family, and I will try to be there for her as much as I feel led to. I really struggled with seeing my Friend and her kids really having a hard time, I did some gardening to process, and get alone with God, and be constructive, and as I tore up weeds from my veggie and pond garden, I had hot tears in my eyes, and I felt so much anger, and I just wanted to see a change. I was mad at the devil like something fierce. That is my family, claimed with the blood of Jesus. BACK OFF! NOW in the Name of Jesus, I declared this over and over, and prayed and….. I don’t know why this really gets me, but any family complication stories, where there is pain and hurt involved, a broken family, really gets to me. I can really empathize with people like that. Not necessarily because it happened to me, maybe at a spiritual sense in some aspects etc, but almost like a God thing. God almost spiritually makes me live the experience and puts me in a place of urgent intercession. I suppose that is what I have a heart to do in a way. I have a heart for the kids on the street, inner city kids, orphans, foster kids, and the kids that get hooked into family services in some way. The kids in emotional pain and stuff. I want to get involved. Create a safe haven for them to get away, a place to have fun, get counsel, find a friend, etc. And most importantly encounter God! I want to adopt, foster, and make a difference, at Home and in Missions. I suppose I have other interests but this is almost unexplainably a passion of mine. A God Given Desire to make a difference in young peoples lives and the drive to do it.
I found myself on more that one occasion overwhelmed with emotion and pain for my friends. I sat in the bathroom, after trying to arrange a time for me to spend time with T-time crying uncontrollably. My grandmother heard me, and came into the bathroom, and asked whatever the matter was. Through sobs I tried to explain to her, that I was feeling sad for my friend, and she started to cry to, which really surprised me in a way, because my Nina is a tender person, but not one to display it, and she hugged me, and it was the most sincere, and best of hugs I have ever received from her. She was holding me, and she made me feel like I was not giving one back. I felt comforted and loved. I don’t think I ever had a connection or moment like that with my Nina, and I hope that is the person that I remember her as. When I walked out of the bathroom, I still had tears in my eyes, but was feeling somewhat better, and my Pop pop, caught sight of my tears, and started to cry and choked on his words as He asked me why I had tears in my eyes. I told him I was just going through a time, and I was going to be all right, and he Told me HE knew I was going to be alright, too, and said, I don’t want you to cry. I found a most precious gift in a place I never thought I would find it. In the Bible it says that if one member of the body hurts it all hurts, and really relates to that person or something like that, and if one rejoices we all rejoice, but it also says to love and edify each other, and to bear with one another in love. My grandparents have a few odd things that they go about doing things, and they really get on my nerves, and I find that I often dwell on those things, and pin it to their identity, but I found that frame of mind shattered that morning. As I found a gift in my Nina and Pop that I have yet to find anywhere else, and it is rare, but it was called to be common practice among the body of Christ. If I inherit one thing from my Nina and Pop, I hope it is that trait of Christ Likeness that I found in them, and I hope that it spreads like wildfire, because it is something that we are all called to be, Christ like, in countenance and actions, and though it was only one way to display Christ’s countenance, it is indeed a rare way of showing Christ.
I got to help my dad on my Pop’s roof. It took quite a bit of strength to do it, but it through me in shape really quick, and I can’t say I hated it. I got to be in the sun, and chill with my Paw, and sometimes my brother and sister too. It was a rewarding experience.
On Saturday I went Kayaking with my dad. We had a lot of fun, even if I did get eaten alive by ants getting and putting away the boats, but the trip itself to the park and back was great. Ok, so I enjoyed half the trip. The shark kind of ruined my time with paw half way through… See my dad spotted a dolphin, so I was scanning the water for it, and saw it curl under the water, towards shore, so I was looking for it to come up again, but instead spotted, a shark in the queerest spot, you would ever think of a shark to be. As close to shore as a shark could get, without banking itself. Right, So I tweak out, and wanted out of the water ASAP. Cause, let me tell you, it was no small shark. The fin must have been a little over a foot above the water, and I don’t think it was submerged up all the way. It resembled that of a Great White. Unfortunately for me, I had a Father who insisted that we turn around, pass the shark again, and head back, so the entire time I was looking all around, and paddling as fast I could to get my butt out of that water. Being 3 inches from the water surface was the last place I wanted to be, after spotting our little swimming buddy. Especially since I had recently seen the shark movie about the shark who got experimented on and the base was in the water and most of the people die and all. Yeah. I was not a happy camper. I have seen jaws, and I never really trusted salt water. So I was calm and rational, but strongly desired to continue on our way to the next event of the day. But I did love being on the water, I do say, and especially enjoyed being with my Dad.