it's time for you to shut the fuck up
It's never been a problem for me to put pen on paper. Thoughts, and eventually words, roll out much in the same way tears do, coming easier and faster when I'm hurt or severely bummed out. And now, here I sit with more thoughts than I know what to do with. Their numbers are so great as they float about inside my head that I don't know which ones should be let out first, or even how they should be manifested. I started this electronic journal thingy because I have a far easier time typing than I do writing: when I write, my thoughts have a tendency to get lost in the time it takes for them to move from my brain, down through my wrist, through the pen, and onto the paper. I chose to give this a go because my thoughts have a much easier time making themselves understood when my fingers are floating across the keys. Of course, a handwritten journal has many more advantages, including artistic expression, and other things that simply aren't possible on this website, but for right now, it's serving my purposes just fine. Anyway, I've still got that notebook lying around somewhere if I need it.
As exemplified by my recent writings, I seem to be at some sort of major crossroads. There are things that I won't admit, even though probably no one's going to read this (except the old friends that I used to have when I first started this journal all those years ago--I just can't figure out how to delete them), and there are things about as obvious as the light of day. These things are about as varied as the clouds in the sky, but they all share a common thread, and they all affect me in kind. Mine is a time when I'm ready for something new. Something consistent, something exciting. I'm ready for my share, and I'm ready for my eyes to be opened wide and to understand what it was all for.
I, before anyone else, realize that I'm cutting teeth. Of course there's an end in sight, and I muscle on, my eyes firmly fixed on my goal. But I would be a liar if I said it was easy not to lose sight of things. This is surgery right now, but that doesn't make it any easier to endure. Perhaps we should check in with the anesthesiologist?
The hardest part is the fact that there are triggers all around me. Simple tripwires that alert my mind, waking ideas that I'd prefer would remain asleep. A few words here, an image there...all it takes is something simple to set the ball rolling. The world around me plays a vicious game with my head, but I'm learning to play back. I've got my feet set firmly on the ground, and hopefully my heels will dig in firmly enough, finding the steadier footing they need to get me where I need to go.
This entry is far too short, but I am distracted and shan't write anymore.
I just want to know what do, who to be, and where to find the things I need.
As exemplified by my recent writings, I seem to be at some sort of major crossroads. There are things that I won't admit, even though probably no one's going to read this (except the old friends that I used to have when I first started this journal all those years ago--I just can't figure out how to delete them), and there are things about as obvious as the light of day. These things are about as varied as the clouds in the sky, but they all share a common thread, and they all affect me in kind. Mine is a time when I'm ready for something new. Something consistent, something exciting. I'm ready for my share, and I'm ready for my eyes to be opened wide and to understand what it was all for.
I, before anyone else, realize that I'm cutting teeth. Of course there's an end in sight, and I muscle on, my eyes firmly fixed on my goal. But I would be a liar if I said it was easy not to lose sight of things. This is surgery right now, but that doesn't make it any easier to endure. Perhaps we should check in with the anesthesiologist?
The hardest part is the fact that there are triggers all around me. Simple tripwires that alert my mind, waking ideas that I'd prefer would remain asleep. A few words here, an image there...all it takes is something simple to set the ball rolling. The world around me plays a vicious game with my head, but I'm learning to play back. I've got my feet set firmly on the ground, and hopefully my heels will dig in firmly enough, finding the steadier footing they need to get me where I need to go.
This entry is far too short, but I am distracted and shan't write anymore.
I just want to know what do, who to be, and where to find the things I need.