Nostalgic Contemplation
Maybe it was the long moments of idle thought, reading through somewhat-old poems or a combination of the two, but I’ve suddenly become nostalgic of my relationship with Jackie. My feelings are mixed, to say the least. It’s a quite twisted mixture of melancholy, joy, perplexity, and a slew of others that the English language is unable to fathom.
For many years, I instinctively knew what I wanted, but until I met her, I wasn’t ready for the flood of elation this experience provided. My idea of what I’m looking for was - to say the least - quite enigmatic. Like a full moon hidden behind clouds, I had a sense of it, but a total lack of any definition whatsoever, or the mirage of a lake on the horizon of a desert. Regardless of how hard I pushed myself, I always came up empty.
Perhaps I wasn’t meant to understand the slew of emotions I experienced during that relationship until these months of solitude indirectly brought-on by the Bells Palsy. Until recently, I haven’t been able to parse that complex melding of emotions into a pattern my conscious self could interpret.
I’m six years old, and my parents just took me on a surprise trip to Disney World.
I’m having a lucid dream, I’m interacting with a manifestation of the Goddess, and she heals me on every level, telling me Love is the only reality.
Even those anecdotes don’t do it justice. I could go three days of constant contemplation and fail to fully describe it. Although, it wasn’t until now - months later - that I’ve been able to piece together how it felt.
…and I’m reminded of how much I crave to feel that way again.
For many years, I instinctively knew what I wanted, but until I met her, I wasn’t ready for the flood of elation this experience provided. My idea of what I’m looking for was - to say the least - quite enigmatic. Like a full moon hidden behind clouds, I had a sense of it, but a total lack of any definition whatsoever, or the mirage of a lake on the horizon of a desert. Regardless of how hard I pushed myself, I always came up empty.
Perhaps I wasn’t meant to understand the slew of emotions I experienced during that relationship until these months of solitude indirectly brought-on by the Bells Palsy. Until recently, I haven’t been able to parse that complex melding of emotions into a pattern my conscious self could interpret.
I’m six years old, and my parents just took me on a surprise trip to Disney World.
I’m having a lucid dream, I’m interacting with a manifestation of the Goddess, and she heals me on every level, telling me Love is the only reality.
Even those anecdotes don’t do it justice. I could go three days of constant contemplation and fail to fully describe it. Although, it wasn’t until now - months later - that I’ve been able to piece together how it felt.
…and I’m reminded of how much I crave to feel that way again.