Pigs, poultry, possums, puns, & poems -- it must be the Wackytown police blotter!
It's been a long time since I posted one of these, but I needed a good stress-reliever, and as usual, the Wackytown police beat did not disappoint. ;-) Offered with the usual disclaimers.
Logs for 1/16/11 to 2/12/11:
Sunday, Jan. 16
Logs for 1/16/11 to 2/12/11:
Sunday, Jan. 16
- 12:03 a.m. -- Residents at Norway Plains apartment complex are advised to quiet down and be "cautious" of their neighbors. This perhaps should have read "cognizant", but maybe not.
- 12:40 a.m. -- Someone on Route 11 near Walmart says there should be a light shining on top of the mountain and there isn't, which is suspicious. Police check out the area a little later and find a bright light after all. They describe it as the moon.
- 12:46 a.m. -- In a Wackytown Hill Road apartment thumping is heard followed by a lady enunciating the word "Ouch." Police find everything is OK.
- 12:53 a.m. -- What at first is thought to be a burglary on Echo Brook Road is two people moving in at an odd hour.
- 11:20 a.m. -- A dog is dumping in a neighbor's yard on Mill Street.
- 1:44 a.m. -- Folks go up and down the stairs, they're yelling at each other,
on Eastern Ave, they also have, a dog that barks -- oh, brother!
- 1:59 p.m. -- A pig is scampering around the busy road near [Wackytown Airfield]. Someone saves its bacon.
- 12:13 a.m. -- At Wyandotte Falls someone has someone else's coat and $150 of the caller's fiance's money, plus there has been an argument over a vacuum cleaner. Police find it is all a giant misunderstanding.
- 2:36 p.m. -- A black Lab is missing from Quail Drive. It has a white chest and front paws.
- 1:26 p.m. -- Kalo the friendly huskie/malamute mix is missing from Parker Mountain Road in Strafford.
- 4:27 p.m. -- A North Main Street woman calls to report her son is breaking a window, hurling things around and putting his head through a wall. In the background a youth is heard to yell, "You are overreacting." Grandma doesn't think so. She calls, too.
- 4:32 p.m. -- On Walnut Street, a chicken that has frozen ice and snow all over it, is roaming in bushes.
- 12:49 p.m. -- At Northgate, a man steals his sister's pet carrier, DVD remote, and two books.
- 2:12 p.m. -- One dog attacks another on Mill Street.
- 2:17 p.m. -- A thin, stray cat tries to access William Allen School.
- 6:40 p.m. -- A Domino's Pizza delivery guy has to go to [local hospital] after being attacked by a dog.
- 9:23 a.m. -- A brown and black coon-type cat has been found on Stillwater Circle.
- 8:18 p.m. -- A Bridle Woods dog is howling again.
- 11:43 p.m. -- The dog is back at it in Bridle Woods.
- 8:41 a.m. -- On Cove Court a cat has perished by a storm drain.
- 10:44 a.m. -- A woman would like to know how to deal with harassing text messages from the mother of her ex-partner's current girlfriend.
- 6:25 p.m. -- A Pine Street resident says her iPod has been stolen or maybe just lost.
- 1:48 p.m. -- On Orchard Street a man whose car
caught fire just yesterday,
is taking heat from neighbors thar,
while working on it. Hey.
He's making too much noise by far,
why can't he drive away?
- 9:29 p.m. -- Back on Lafayette Street, what was thought to be an incident has melted away. It was just a lady falling with a plate in her hand.
- 11:41 p.m. -- Still on Lafayette Street a gentleman in a red hat is going through a dumpster.
- 11:52 p.m. -- And still on Lafayette Street, the sound of things being smashed suggests a fight.
- 12:16 a.m. -- A brand new day, and on Lafayette Street disturbance and glass smashing are still in vogue.
- 12:57 p.m. -- At Kuppen Cakes (good stuff, they makes) there's a peculiar man,
who's glaring in the window just as hard as e'er he can.
And now he's stopping traffic in the middle of North Main,
and just before he vanishes, he's glaring once again.
- 8:18 p.m. -- On Portland Street a dog is allowed to vomit and defecates at the entry to a building. Neighbors are unhappy.
- 9:06 p.m. -- Police dispose of a poor flattened cat at the sandpits.
- 3:56 p.m. -- A lady calls to say her boyfriend is attacking her with kitchen utensils. The Peelers respond.
- 10:37 p.m. -- On East Wackytown Main Street, a man and two women holler and scream at each other. An infernal triangle.
- 12:46 a.m. -- On Congress Street a man and his companion have passed a lot of time by chugging beer,
but now she's gone away,
and he calls the police to say
that his car keys are another thing not here.
- 10:08 p.m. -- Someone runs suspiciously on Broad Street.
- 2:10 a.m. -- On Milton Road, police check on a man in a van near Aroma Joe's. He explains he is delivering donuts, but there could be a hole in that story.
- 12:49 a.m. -- Someone is walking suspiciously on Tebbetts Road.
- 2:09 p.m. -- A disturbance is reported at Bank of America when someone cutting in line is said to be out of line.
- 7:34 p.m. -- There is a neighbor problem on Chestnut Street featuring wall pounding, floor jumping and obscenity shouting.
- 8:15 p.m. -- On Magic Avenue, an unknown woman bearing a spray bottle opens a lady's door, comes in uninvited, and lets a dog escape. She then chases the dog through the neighborhood, and brings it back, once again coming into the house uninvited.
- 11:32 p.m. -- A Lafayette Street man calls police to say that someone there is unwelcome. The log notes he is slurring his words worse than normal. An officer finds that both parties know each other but the reporter, by over-imbibing, had forgotten who the other person was.
- 1:32 p.m. -- A loose black horse clumps around Strafford Road.
- 12:13 a.m. -- A Lafayette Street caller, judged to be intoxicated, would like someone removed from the house... no, wait, the person has just left, taking three of the caller's beers.
- 7:34 p.m. -- A shoplifter takes off from Walgreen's with stolen razors. He may be on video, thanks to cutting edge technology.
- 8:47 p.m. -- A pit bull keeps running loose on Sarah Court.
- 10:07 p.m. -- On Eastern Avenue, an ex-girlfriend waxes angry at a man and throws a candle at him.
- 2:54 a.m. -- A Glenwood Avenue resident wants a friend removed from her house.
- 11:04 a.m. -- Another woman wants another man gone on Pleasant Street.
- 5:30 p.m. -- A Warren Street woman whose trac phone was stolen a while back, called it today and someone answered. The government, whose phone it is, is now tracking the thief.
- 8:33 a.m. -- On Church Street in the snow and mud
someone finds a pool of blood,
and on a wall more blood is splattered...
no, wait... it's just a drink that's scattered.
- 5:46 p.m. -- A baby opossum is caught in a fence,
but Fish & Game won't send a man,
it's too small they say so it doesn't make sense,
but thankfully police have a plan...
they free the wee creature -- throw hats in the air --
and in a cat carrier stuff it,
then feed it some veggies, and, showing they care,
will let it go later (not snuff it).
- 9:53 p.m. -- Footstomping flares on Felker Street.
- 11:44 a.m. -- A small brown dog pads around City Hall.
- 3:41 p.m. -- A Lilac City Estates resident is suspicious of a person who phoned claiming to be from Medicare, asking if anyone had diabetes or if there was a dog in the house.
- 8:12 a.m. -- Off Pickering Road out in front of a home, flies a flag upside-down at half mast.
"That's a sign of distress," says a flag-aware man who telephoned police as he passed.
A police welfare check finds that folks are OK --
the rope on the flagpole had just given way.
- 5:16 p.m. -- A large, black Newfoundland dog plodges along Grove Street.
- 6:22 p.m. -- Quincy the sheepdog mix is recovered on Hillside Drive.
- 10:41 p.m. -- A missing teen posts where she is at and invites others to join her. Police take up the offer and she is charged with being a habitual runaway juvenile.
- 2:44 p.m. -- A dog bounds free on Lafayette Street.
- 7:55 a.m. -- A small dog on Pickering Road is said to be covered in frost, but animal control finds it is covered in lint from a dryer vent.
- 1:13 a.m. -- In a Lafayette Street apartment a wound-up, yapping dog is a curse.
- 4:56 a.m. -- On North Main Street a noisy neighbor sparks off someone's dog.
- 7:20 a.m. -- Dogs continue to plague humans. This one has been barking all night on Crockett Street.
- 11:06 a.m. -- The Jenny Wren Gallery (Hi, Jenny) reports the theft of a toter.
- 6:11 p.m. -- On Wackytown Hill a man calls in, while a lady in the background screams out the address. Shut up, says the man, who adds that he wants to kill someone, strike that, he wants to save someone. The word "intoxication" then appears on the log. A transportation to hospital ensues.