entry 076 - all summer long [13/14]
Title: All Summer Long
Author: jamie_love13
Beta-Edited: Madison, but not for this chapter
Pairings/Characters: Jensen/Jared, Chris/Steve, Danneel/Sophia, Sandy/Genevieve.
Word Count: 7,009 Words
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jared and Jensen finally have that talk.
Disclaimer: Definitely don't own.
Warnings: None, really.
Notes: Second last chapter, you guys. Last chapter will be up tomorrow. Or maybe even today. Who knows. If not, definitely tomorrow.
Previous Post | Masterpost
Jared blinked his eyes awake, spots surfacing underneath the darkness from having them closed for so long. He moves his eyes around and can only see white, immediately recognizing the fact that he's in a hospital. When he flexes his fingers and can feel the cotton underneath them, he sighs, trying hard to remember what it was he did that caused him to end up here.
He remembers going to the party, and feeling like complete shit over everything that had been making him cry and deciding to get completely wasted because he was sick and tired of feeling so much shit. He blinks his eyes one more time and can feel the crustiness in them, and tries to wipe them off using his hands but realizing, as he does try to lift them up, he can't. He looks down at his hands and isn't shocked to see them in belts, restraining him. He doesn't remember trying to kill himself though, just remembers taking a lot of alcohol and pills and Jensen yelling at him for something.
He slams his head back, wanting to cry again but he's already filled up his cry quota and won't let anything else leak from his eyes for the next century. The pillow is lumpy and hard and he begins trying to pull on the restraints, chaffing his skin and making it red. He didn't try to kill himself god damn it, he didn't, so they don't really need to be restraining him and he just wants out and away and god more pills please.
It's then that Jared looks down at his stomach and doesn't see anything but realize that his throat is raw and dry and damn, they pumped his fucking stomach. He remembers wanting to take more and more pills and booze, just not wanting to feel anything at all. He remembers people offering him more drugs and taking them and the fact that Jensen alone was able to do this to him hurts him. He sighs and looks up when he hears someone enter the room, not surprised at all to see that it's a bunch of nurses, being followed quickly by Danneel and Chris and Chad. He starts pulling again, ignoring the 'please calm down, sir''s he's getting from the nurse and looking straight at his friends.
“Where's Jensen you guys, I want Jensen,” He pleads, his eyes wide and afraid, and he can see his friends look at him in shock and he honestly doesn't care, because he gets a sudden series of flashes of Jensen sitting by his bedside and talking to him, and he can hear the words that Jensen was saying, and there's such a warm glow in his body that he absolutely needs to, must find Jensen and talk to him about everything, just let the air become clear.
He looks at the nurse and puts on his best puppy dog eyes, hearing Chris snort behind him and tries his hardest not to glare at the other man.
“Please nurse, let me go and find my friend. Please. I need him. My other friends can come with me to make sure --” Jared stops when he sees the nurse shaking his head and all he wants to do is groan in frustration but he's stopped when he hears Chris come up to his bed and put his hand on his shoulder.
“Jared, stop. I'll find Jensen and bring him here, just stop thrashing, please.” Jared does stop, looking up at Chris with wide eyes before nodding his head and letting Chris go, watching as he and everyone else get smaller, not feeling anything when the nurse does her thing and leave, just waits for them to come back with Jensen.
----
Jensen's currently sitting on a bed somewhere in one of the empty halls of the hospital, letting the tears fall from his face, not making a single sound whilst doing it. His whole body aches from the pain he's feeling, whether it be an association pain of what he did to Jared or a pain coming from his own heart, wanting him to tell everyone he's sorry for everything. At the same time, Jensen just wants to get up and run, never turning back, for not one person. He'd run until he had no clue where he was and then he'd figure it out and then he'd call Jared and tell him to come be with him, to never let him run away again. He bangs his head against the wall and closes his eyes, breathing slowly and surely, until he hears a bunch of footsteps coming his way. He nearly flinches when he sees Chris, Chad and Danneel all together looking at him but stops himself just in time, but not quick enough for Chad's smirk.
“What's up, guys?” He says, biting his lip, the urge to run even greater now than it was before. Chris smiles and Danneel grins before she moves to hug him, which she hasn't done in a year and it is definitely shocking for Jensen.
“You're wanting by Jared, Jen.” She whispers in his ear, and suddenly, everything just goes away. He looks between the group of people and doesn't want to get his hopes up but when he sees each of them smiling at him, he can't help but wonder if maybe what they're saying is completely true..
“...Really?” He asks, tilting his head to the side and biting his lip.
“Really.”
“Now, are you coming or what?” Jensen nods and gets up, a smile on his face as he follows them to the man he loves. He looks around while he walks, and he can feel some doubt creeping into his body, unable to help but wonder if maybe Jared wants to see him because he wants to tell Jensen to never come near him again, that he doesn’t want to see his face ever again and just the thought of that alone scares the fuck out of Jensen, and he can feel his heart beating again and again, faster and faster.
He stops in the middle of the hallway, stares straight ahead in worry and pain, unable to stop the curiosity over why Jared could possibly want to see him. It’s after a few minutes that the others turn around to see him no longer there and come back for him, a look of confusion on their faces. It takes only a few seconds though, and in those few seconds, Danneel smiles before walking up to him and putting her hand on his arm, stroking it with her fingers. Her eyes are bright but sad and Jensen isn’t exactly fond of that look in her eyes, would do anything to change it because even though they haven’t gotten well enough to talk to one another since he hurt Jared, he still cares deeply for her - how could he not. He looks into her eyes and blinks back tears, letting them fall down his face as she hugs him, patting his back. It’s then that he realizes how much she’s missed him, that he realizes how much he hurt everyone, not just Jared.
“Jensen,” She whispers, holding him tighter and telling something to Chris and Chad, and when he looks up, he notices them walking back towards wherever Jared is and he feels a pain in his gut, like they’re leaving him too and god, he really can’t handle losing all of his friends because they’ve been pulling away from him this year (he deserves it, he knows that) but after the past month and a half, if he loses them all over again with Jared, he’ll absolutely die.
“Dani, what if -“ Jensen can’t finish the sentence, but he knows from the widening of Danneel’s eyes that she understands immediately where Jensen’s train of thought is going and looks at him with such pity that he rolls his eyes and gives her a small smile.
“It’s just, I’m scared, Dani. What if he just wants to turn me away. What if he doesn’t love me anymore, or doesn’t find me worth the trouble - I sure as hell don’t find myself worth the trouble, so why should I?” He wipes the tears away from his eyes and scrubs his face clean, wanting to shake away the feeling he has in him right now and smiles at Danneel before stretching himself and beginning to walk again.
“What do you think?”
“I think-“ Danneel begins, smiling at him and rubbing his shoulders comfortingly - “I know that Jared loves you, Jensen. I know that the whole time he was with Tom, he was constantly thinking about you, speaking about you. He couldn’t get you out of his mind, Jensen, no matter how hard he tried. I know that when he was here with you in this cabin, he couldn’t stand watching you with anyone else because it hurt him so much, made him so jealous. I know that he let Tom blow him in the cabin and finger him in the cabin but the whole time that was going on he was thinking about you, wishing it was you that was doing those things to him. I know that Jared will always love you, Jensen, always, no matter what you do or how you do it.” She finishes, wiping away even more tears that had appeared during her speech, making sure he kept eye contact with her.
“Do you understand me, Jen?” She questioned at last and he nodded, thinking so hard about the times that he’s hurt Jared, wondering how he could possibly be forgiven. Danneel grabs his hand and together, they begin to walk towards Jared, and this time, Jensen only feels an emotion of giddiness, which he hasn’t felt in such a long time that it feels so fucking good.
Jared feels like it’s been hours since he last saw his friends, since he last saw them and asked them to find Jensen for them. He’s jittery, his leg constantly shaking and moving and thumping. He just wants to see Jensen right now, wants to talk to him and tell him how he feels, how he’s been feeling for the longest time.
He watches as nurses and doctors pass him by, watches as other sick patients walk by his bedroom and he just wants his friends and Jensen to hurry up but he also wants to get out of these god damn restraints so he’d be able to touch Jensen when he entered his bedroom - because he knows that if you don’t touch him while talking to him, he’ll freak out because Jensen? Jensen definitely needs to be touched. Not only that, but he’s been trying to ask the nurses to let him go for that reason alone and it’s pissing him off that none of them will let him free. What, do they expect him to just whip out something from this lacklustre, barren room to kill himself with? It’s not like he was suicidal the first time because he wasn’t, he just wanted to feel numb or not feel at all, and everything he had been taking that night was definitely helping him. He can feel his body begin to shake and he has to take a few deep breaths in order to calm himself down, and he needs to begin thinking about something other than all the good times he had with Jensen, because it’s hurting his heart.
Except, Jared doesn’t exactly want to not think about the amazing times he had with Jensen, because damn it, they were fucking amazing and he knows that, he does. It’s what he thinks about whenever he finds himself depressed and lonely; it’s what he thinks about when he’s going to bed at night and waking up in the morning, and when he’s smiling for no good reason. It’s what was beginning to destroy his relationship with Tom, because they both know that Jared was never going to let Jensen go, was never going to be able to let him go.
He feels his heartbeat fasten, can feel his face turn red and his hands begin to sweat and he knows instantly that Jensen is finally here. He can recognize the fact that he’s feeling all of that, can recognize the things Jensen does to him just by looking at him and he can’t help but turn even more red than before. When he looks up, he does see Jensen and gives a soft smile to Chris, Chad and Danneel before nodding his head to the opposite direction. Thankfully, they get the hint and after giving him a smile, head on towards an area that won’t interrupt them.
Jared won’t lie, but he feels like a teenage girl right now, looking down and blushing, wanting to giggle at the fact that all of Jensen’s attention is on him, that after a year, he finally has that attention back. It makes him feel so good and he bites his lip, looking up at Jensen through his bangs and smiles at him before looking at the empty spot on his bed and then back at Jensen, hoping his eyes are doing all the talking since he’s suddenly too shy to do so himself and can’t move his hands to pat the bed next to him. He smiles wide when Jensen smiles at him and walks over to him and sits on the bed, leaning back against the wall and stretching his legs out. Jared copies his position as best he can before sighing when the restraints hold him.
He looks up in shock when Jensen hits the call button and then the nurse comes in.
“Can you let my friend go? i promise he won’t do anything to himself. I love him too much to let him do anything like that when I’m right there with him,” He says, pulling on his cute smile and widening his eyes. Jared sometimes hates Jensen for that, especially when the nurse nods and lets him go. When his wrists are finally free, he rubs them carefully and slowly, relishing in the feel of the skin on his skin. He tries to get rid of the red welts from the belt but it isn’t easy and when it becomes a rough getting rid of, Jensen grabs his hands and breaks them apart, rubbing them for him and smiling up at him.
Jared blushes again and looks down before chuckling.
“Please tell me I’m not the only one feeling like a teenage girl, here.” He says, running his fingers through his hair and god damn, that feels so fucking good. He keeps doing it and after a few minutes, he hears Jensen chuckle and blushes before swearing with a mighty well fuck.
“Yeah, you’re definitely not the only one feeling that way, Jay.” Jensen replies grinning and Jared grins back before letting his smile fall off of his face, which just makes Jensen do the same.
“Jensen, can you - can you let me do the talking and just - just listen while I do it?” He watches as Jensen nods and crosses his legs and knows instantly that Jensen is going to do exactly that and he’s incredibly thankful for the older man and, okay, he should probably begin talking to Jensen now.
“Alright, so. When I walked in on you with Jeff, I was... fuck Jensen, I was really fucking hurt-“ Jared begins, his breath hitching at the thought of remembering that night, remembering the feeling he had that night and how he had wanted to die so much afterwards -“I felt so alone, after you broke up with me. I felt lost and out of place and like I belonged nowhere. I had only really known you, Jensen, and not having you anymore was incredibly horrible for me.” Jared takes a pause and looks at Jensen through his bangs, can see the guilt he has a mile away. Jared doesn’t want to keep going but he knows that he needs to, he needs to get all of this out of his system because if he doesn’t, what happened last night will no doubt, happen again and that can’t happen. At all.
“After a week, I couldn’t take it anymore, and just - I tried killing myself. I couldn’t move on without you, so I killed myself. A good two weeks later, I woke up, restraint and on suicide watch. Tom was there, constantly flirting with me and I couldn’t do it, not when I was completely in love with you. He tried, he really did, and after months I finally gave in, but it was always about you Jensen, always. About a week after I was out of the hospital, I just started getting so angry with you. How could you not notice that I was slipping into a dark slippery slope? How could you not realize that I wasn’t the same man I was when we first met, or when we first told each other we loved one another or when we first said it was us against the world, I will never understand. I was so angry, Jensen; Angry at you, at myself, at the world. I was ready to propose to you Jensen, and I understood that you were scared, that you wanted to show me that I could do better than you but let’s be honest - You were it for me, you were the best I could ever do, could ever want to do.” Jared takes a breath before rubbing his eyes and letting the tears fall from his eyes.
“God, Jensen. I had so much anger that when Tom asked me out, I said yes. When he told me he loved me, I said I loved him too and when he told me he wanted to take the next step, I said no. No, because I could only think of you throughout our whole relationship; No because I knew that if I had sex with him, I would think of you and god, who fucking does that? Who is still in love with the guy that cheated on him with the guy that raped him? Who stays in love with that guy, even though he’s put him through so much pain? It took me so much to realize that and that alone. Tom and I were okay, Jen - we weren’t happy, but we were okay because he knew I wasn’t ready to give him myself. And when we came here, you want to know what happened, Jensen?” He notices Jensen nod his head and wipe the tears away from his eyes and he can’t help but do the same with his own eyes, can’t help but silently chuckle at the fact that he’s crying over Jensen fucking Ackles again, even if it is kind of a good cry. He missed the older man. Even when he’s with Jensen, he misses him which says a fucking lot about him.
He takes in a deep breath before beginning again, making sure that he gets everything out.
“We arrived at this cabin, got locked in this cabin together and I could swear that I fell in love with you all over again-“ He chuckles, playing with the hem of his hospital gown before looking at Jensen and away -“I fell in love with you all over again but fought it, fought against it tooth and fucking nail because I didn’t want to get hurt by you anymore. I tried hard to ignore the little games you tried playing on me, to ignore the way you looked at Jeff then me, or the way other people looked at you and me, or anything, and pretty soon it just became too out of hand. And god, when we had sex-“ Jared laughs, a laugh not full of humour or anything, just a laugh -“We had sex and it was awesome and it was all I could think about. Even after getting fingered by Tom-“ Jared snorts, shaking his head.
“But then, what you told Jeff, and the fights we kept having. Fucking Christ, Jensen, I just began getting so exhausted. Exhausted from feeling angry at you, exhausted from feeling hurt at everything that had been going on; Exhausted from the fact that we were constantly fighting and trying to one up one another when instead, we should have been trying to show how sorry we were to one another, how sorry we were for causing so much pain. And the exhaustion, man, it was fucking bone deep. I was getting weary with everything, not wanting to move out of bed in the mornings. I’d spend more than half the night laying on my back, thinking, ‘How can I tell Jensen I still love him?’. How can I tell him that I forgive him for everything and that I was sorry for everything I might’ve done to him while we were together-“
“You were exhausted.” Jensen interrupts and Jared really wants to roll his eyes but Jensen’s been good with not interrupting his long spiel so he lets it slide and nods his hands, wiping away the tears that have reformed since the previous break in conversation.
“I was extremely exhausted. And then one day, a few days ago, I laid in bed for hours, just thinking and I knew instantly that I needed to tell you how much I still loved you. God help me, but I do. After everything you’ve put me through Jensen, the only way to explain it is the fact that I’m in love with you still. I’ve always been in love with you and I’ll always be in love with you but when we were broken up, I lied to myself and made myself believe that I would never love you ever again. It was the only way I could pretend to be happy with Tom, pretend to be happy with myself-“ Jared shrugs before running his hands through his hair and cracking his fingers and back and then looking at Jensen with wide eyes. He bites his lip and then sighs, before adding on one more thing.
“I love you Jensen. And I may be repeating myself here, but no matter what you do to me, how you do it or how many times you do it, I’m always going to love you. You may think that I deserve better than you and at a time, I may have let people let me think that myself but in all honesty, I don’t want anyone better than you, nor do I need anyone better than you. You’re it for me Jensen, and you were it for me the moment I bumped into you at the quad, effectively making you late for your class, getting kicked out because of it and hating me for the first two weeks.” Jared laughs, wiping his eyes from the tears that have been falling.
“Jensen, you need to stop thinking I’m not going to love you, because I’m always going to love you. You need to stop believing that I won’t forgive you, because I forgave you the moment that you stepped back into my life. You need to stop wondering if I’m always going to hate you for hurting me because I could never hate you, no matter what you did. Lastly, you need to stop fucking looking at me with the goofiest smile on your face and fucking kiss me already because fuck it all to hell Jensen Ross Ackles, I can’t stand constantly looking at you and not being able to kiss you the way I’ve been wanting to kiss you since we first walked into this place together, since we first fucked each other while here. So you better make your choice as to what-“ Jared gets cut off as Jensen presses his lips to his own and after a few seconds of pure shock running through Jared’s veins, he smiles into the kiss and wraps his arms around Jensen’s neck, crushing Jensen closer to his body, arching into the kiss like he was ready to die and it was his last one. He moans into the kiss when he feels Jensen’s hard cock against his stomach and god, he just wants to continue with what they’re doing, but he needs to set some limits because if he doesn’t, he might actually get hurt again and while what he said was incredibly true, he doesn’t want to take that damn risk.
Jared pulls himself away from the wonderful lips of Jensen, whimpering a little even though it was his own decision, grinning when he hears Jensen do the exact same thing.
“Jared, get your fucking ass back here now so I can kiss you senseless, you ass!” Jared laughs at that, feeling happier than he ever has in a while. He shakes his head and stares at Jensen, waiting for him to open his eyes. When Jensen finally gets the clue that Jared is definitely not getting his ass back near Jensen’s area until he listens, Jensen opens his eyes and arches his eyebrow. Jared lets out a small smile while stroking Jen’s cheek.
“What’s up, Jay?”
“I need to know, Jensen-“ Jared hesitates here, because while he might’ve stated everything he had been feeling, Jensen had just listened and kissed him, not saying anything and Jared needs to know because if he doesn’t, he’ll end up getting crushed no matter what. He looks down, a blush spreading against his face before he looks up at Jensen and bites his lip.
“I need to know -“ Jensen nods, knowing exactly what he means and biting his lip in return, playing with his fingers, definitely a sign of nervousness. Jared waits patiently for Jensen to begin, his heart beating in his chest as he does so.
“I’m not going to lie to you Jared, I can’t for sure say I won’t hurt you in the future - “ Jared opens his mouth, shocked that Jensen would apply such a thing but snaps it closed when Jensen looks at him -“ I don’t mean that I don’t see myself staying faithful to you because trust me, I’m never making the mistake of cheating on you ever again. What I mean is I can’t be sure that I won’t say or do something that will hurt you more so than before. We’re both vulnerable, Jay, and we’ve both made mistakes. What I’m saying is, when we were together for those ten years, we made mistakes and sometimes it took us a while to get over them but we did, and I plan on this being one of those. It’ll take a while to get back to where we were, to the point of us wanting to propose to one another, but I can see us getting there and I promise you now, I won’t ever back out ever again-“ Jensen pauses here, playing with the ring that Jared remembers giving him for their first anniversary. He feels a smile reach his face when he looks at that and puts his hands on top of Jensen’s, stroking the finger the ring is currently on.
“I know that, and it’s going to take a while for me to trust you again, Jensen, but we’ll work together and we’ll try hard to get back to the way we were, if we can ever get back to that, or if things will always be changed and end up better or worse.”
“Jared?”
“Yeah?”
“I do want to marry you. Someday. Someday I’m going to propose to you and make you the happiest man alive and we’re going to start a family. Before I cheated, I always thought we’d be married by now and getting ready to have kids, but it’s my fault we’re not, and I’m going to make that up to you in every way I can.” Jared stares at Jensen in shock, stopping his finger from stroking Jensen, who then looks up at Jared with confusion in his eyes.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to make it up to me, Jen, because that’ll just cause resentment. I want you to love me because you want to, need to, not because you want to make me happy.”
“I know. And trust me, I love you because I want to, not because I have to.” Jensen replies, kissing Jared lightly on the lips before pulling back quickly.
“I’m going to need to talk to Jeff,” Jensen says and Jared tenses, which Jensen notices immediately.
“Hey!” Jared looks up at Jensen, his lip quivering just slightly before taking a deep breath.
“I’m going to kick his ass, Jared. If I had known what Jeff had done to you, even before I cheated, I would’ve killed him right then and there. Knowing the fact that he hurt you in that way, it fucking kills me. Not only does it kill me though, it makes me angry, thinking about the fact that he touched you that way, that he forced himself upon you. If I can’t kill him then I’m going to fucking send him straight to jail and make sure he never touches you or looks at you ever again.” Jensen says with enough venom in his voice that Jared is absolutely shocked but pleased at the fact that Jensen would be willing to do that.
Jared looks down with a blush on his cheeks and he’s about to say something when he hears the door to the room open and sees the nurse walk in with a look on her face.
“No!” Jared shouts, going to move behind Jensen, not wanting to be restrained again. Jensen throws his arm around his shoulder’s and holds him tightly, giving the nurse a full-body grin that makes her knees go weak, Jared can tell.
“I think, Jared doesn’t need the restraints anymore, seeing as he’s definitely not going to hurt himself.” Jared nods his head fluently, wanting to get the point across that he’s not feeling suicidal tendencies or anything. The nurse scrutinizes the two of them before grinning and nodding her head, writing something down on his chart and then putting it away.
“Just make sure I don’t see you in here again or else I’m going to be screwed,” She replies before she leaves the room, shutting the door just after Danneel and Sophia come in, holding hands. Jared grins at them, jumping up at them and hugging them both, laughing.
“Oh my god you guys, how did this happen? I’m so happy for you guys, have y’all finally found love this is just too cute oh god you have to tell me everything and we need to go on double dates and we need to make each other sick with our love lives and -“
“JARED, BREATHE!” Danneel shouts, laughter in her voice which causes Jared to stop, take a breath and laugh at himself and look over to Jensen, who’s chuckling with him. Jared watches as Danneel and Sophia look at one another with smiles on their faces, even if their hair is hiding their blushes, Jared can still see it all.
“WELL?!” He says, excited over this new relationship. Danneel laughs before sitting in one of the chairs that come with the room.
“I was sitting on the bench outside and I could hear Sophia crying so I went over to her,”
“And I was crying because I finally told Chad how I felt and he was a complete douche about it,”
“A complete douche,” Danneel nods.
“And I was telling her about everything we said, and my feelings for her completely slipped out,”
“And then well, after that, I couldn’t just hide my own feelings for Sophia, so I told her mine,” Danneel says smiling and kissing her on the cheek, which just causes Jared to grin and Sophia to blush. Jared’s still grinning when he realizes that Danneel is looking at him and Jensen with an arched eyebrow and Jared laughs, knowing exactly what she’s thinking.
“Things are going to be tough but-“
“We’re going to try and work through it.” Jensen finishes with a grin. The grins on Danneel and Sophia’s own grins widen in response and it’s this time that Jared blushes, which just makes everyone else laugh.
“Oh, shut up!” He laughs, pushing everyone that he can push, his smile fading as he hears Jeff’s voice. One look at Jensen says that he heard it too and he knows what Jensen’s going to do, and he doesn’t want Jensen to do it but knows that he has to.
“Go, Jen. It’s the only way for us to be together again.” Jensen nods before getting up and giving Jared a quick kiss before walking out the door and Jared can’t help but feel a pain in his heart, like Jensen’s never going to come back.
Jensen walks down the hallway towards Jeff’s voice, nerves in his stomach over what he’s suppose to do. He knows it’s the right thing, he’s in love with Jared and has never left Jeff but he’s not idiotic enough to not know about Jeff’s demeaning, demanding, condescending, dominate attitude. He knows that by leaving Jeff, Jeff will become a very upset man, will do anything to get Jensen back to him and then do anything to hurt the both of them.
He enters the area where Jeff is and when Jeff looks up, he knows that Jeff thinks he wants to have a quickie in an on-call room or a bathroom, which Jensen won’t do at all. He goes towards a private area, Jeff following him, but nowhere near anywhere private. When he finally finds the perfect place, he turns around swiftly, his gaze turned calm into angry, heated and pissed off, causing Jeff to back up in shock, as he’s never seen him like this.
“Jensen, what are you doing?” Jeff questions, and Jensen clenches his fists, tries very hard not to punch Jeff out right then and there.
“You’re an asshole, Jeff.” Jensen begins, and when he watches Jeff try and rebuttle that, he holds his hand up in a ‘stop’ motion, which just makes Jeff snap his mouth shut.
“You’re an asshole, and I have no idea why I put up with your horrible ass for the past year. I think maybe I just wanted to torture myself, give myself the pain I had given Jared. But you-“ Jensen takes a breath here, trying very hard not to seethe, but knows it isn’t working to well.
“You, you fucking deserve to be arrested and then killed for the shit you did, Jeff. Manipulating me to fuck you while I was with Jared is one thing - and yeah, don’t think I don’t remember that night. Don’t think I don’t forget about how you roofied me into fucking submission, about how you convinced me you were Jared, just roleplaying, or how you had his voice telling me it was alright. Don’t you dare fucking think I forgot about any of that, because I haven’t and I definitely have the evidence to prove all of those things that you’ve done to me - but to fucking rape Jared two weeks before you do that shit to me is unacceptable,” Jensen seethes, his fists badly clenched that his nails are digging into his palm, causing him to bleed out. He watches as Jeff’s face changes from confusion and into anger, watches as he steps forward, brave by the fact that he thinks Jensen is done talking, even if he hasn’t finished at all.
“No, don’t you dare fucking speak, you fucking asshole-“ Jensen says, planning to keep going - “You manipulated me and you raped Jared. You threatened me into staying in a relationship with you because I wanted to torture myself, and then you pretended like absolutely nothing was wrong but in fucking reality Jeff, you’re an asshole that’s going to get exactly what you deserve in jail.” Jeff laughs at that and Jensen’s eyes pinch in anger, his blood thrumming through his veins like it’s all he has left.
“And how the hell do you think you’re going to prove that?” Jeff questions, a smirk on his face as he whispers the fact that Jensen has no evidence, and that just makes Jensen laugh because yes, he actually has quite a lot of evidence, thank you very much.
“Do you really think I would come here unprepared, Jeff?” He watches as Jeff’s eyes go wide, watches as he takes a step back in shock.
“Everything we ever went through Jeff? It’s all fucking over. I don’t want to see your face ever again, because if I see you near anyone of us, if I see your phone number calling any one of us and or leaving any one of us messages, and if I even hear that you’re thinking about contacting any of us ever again, I will make sure to fucking kill you.” Jensen seethes, unclenching his fists so that the blood can start flowing back to his vital organs again.
“Be fucking thankful I’m not killing you now,” Jensen says, before turning around and walking away, until he hears Jeff snort in amusement and he’s had fucking enough of this shit. He turns around swiftly, one last time, throwing his arm back and punching Jeff in the nose, hard enough that it begins gushing blood, hard enough that Jensen is positive he’s broken Jeff’s nose. He only has one thought at that and it’s a pretty simple one.
Good.
While he’s walking back towards Jared’s hospital room, he bumps into Sandy and Genevieve, who are smiling at one another shyly and looking down. Jensen can’t help but laugh at the fact that there’s another couple that’s brand spanking new thanks to this whole, ‘being trapped in a cabin while Jared and Jensen try and figure their shit out’ and Jensen’s pretty much glad for those two females. They definitely need someone to love, and the fact that they found one another is amazing in Jensen’s eyes.
He takes a closer look at Genevieve though and notices that she’s looking pretty upset, and when he looks towards Sandy, he notices that she looks really sick and he doesn’t know what’s going on but has a feeling it’s pretty bad.
He takes a step towards the two girls, and they look up at him, their eyes wide and Jensen is confused.
“Guys.” He says, nodding towards them -“What’s wrong?” He questions, wondering why Sandy is holding her stomach, mirroring Genevieve’s own position.
“We’re pregnant, Jensen.” Jensen has to take a step back for a minute before smiling. He’s happy for them, and wondering who got them pregnant. A few minutes later, he asks.
“Jeff,” Sandy replies, a look of sickness crossing over on her features. Jensen immediately flinches, and then wonders how she knows so soon. When he asks her that, she snorts.
“We fucked at the very beginning of the summer, Jensen. Two months ago. Long enough for me to realize something was definitely up.” Jensen nods, before turning to Genevieve.
“I don’t know for sure, but I have all of the symptoms.” Jensen nods, and wonders who got her possibly pregnant and why she could possibly look so sick.
“I’m not so sure, Jensen.” She says and Jensen has a feeling she’s lying, has flashes of Jared and her having sex in the middle of the week and flinches, especially when he notices how guilty she looks. He shakes his head and ignores the feeling he has at the bottom of his stomach, instead deciding to move on and get back to Jared, before the guy begins truly worrying.
He just reaches the last landing of the hallway before Jared’s hospital room, which is where he bumps into Chris and Steve, smiling like a bunch of idiots and making googly eyes at one another. Jensen snorts at the two of them, which then makes them both look over to him and their grins get impossibly bigger.
“JENSEN!” They shout and jesus fucking Christ, Jensen is lucky this hallway in this hospital is just for them, all of them, and that they won’t be bugging anyone else trying to recover from something. Thank god, definitely. He grins over at them before shaking his head.
“Why are you guys so happy?”
“You mean other than the fact that Danneel and Sophia are together, Sandy and Genevieve are thinking about getting together for real and Jared and yourself finally made up?” Steve laughs, questions in his tone like he’s trying to figure out the truth. Jensen grins, which is the ultimate symbol for them that everything they said is right, which just makes Jensen laugh even more.
“And what else?” He says, imploring but definitely curious enough to prod the two of them. They look at each other and grin before holding hands and jumping up and down, making Jensen snort.
“Well, for one, we got a gig!” Jensen grins at that, extremely happy for them and he says so, which just makes them even more excited.
“Secondly-“ This is Chris and Jensen looks onward, confused.
“Secondly, we’re engaged.” Steve finished, and Jensen has to blink his eyes before he processes what was said because fuck, that’s surprising. Chris and Steve were always pro marriage, but they didn’t really care for it either, didn’t bother planning on ever getting married, especially when Chris and Steve realized how in love with one another they were. So when Jensen realizes that Chris had said they were engaged, it takes him a few minutes to process that, but when he does, he gets this blinding grin on his face before he shouts out his congratulations for the couple.
“Thanks dude,”
“Yeah,” Jensen nods, before finally making his way back to Jared.
Next Chapter
Author: jamie_love13
Beta-Edited: Madison, but not for this chapter
Pairings/Characters: Jensen/Jared, Chris/Steve, Danneel/Sophia, Sandy/Genevieve.
Word Count: 7,009 Words
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jared and Jensen finally have that talk.
Disclaimer: Definitely don't own.
Warnings: None, really.
Notes: Second last chapter, you guys. Last chapter will be up tomorrow. Or maybe even today. Who knows. If not, definitely tomorrow.
Previous Post | Masterpost
Jared blinked his eyes awake, spots surfacing underneath the darkness from having them closed for so long. He moves his eyes around and can only see white, immediately recognizing the fact that he's in a hospital. When he flexes his fingers and can feel the cotton underneath them, he sighs, trying hard to remember what it was he did that caused him to end up here.
He remembers going to the party, and feeling like complete shit over everything that had been making him cry and deciding to get completely wasted because he was sick and tired of feeling so much shit. He blinks his eyes one more time and can feel the crustiness in them, and tries to wipe them off using his hands but realizing, as he does try to lift them up, he can't. He looks down at his hands and isn't shocked to see them in belts, restraining him. He doesn't remember trying to kill himself though, just remembers taking a lot of alcohol and pills and Jensen yelling at him for something.
He slams his head back, wanting to cry again but he's already filled up his cry quota and won't let anything else leak from his eyes for the next century. The pillow is lumpy and hard and he begins trying to pull on the restraints, chaffing his skin and making it red. He didn't try to kill himself god damn it, he didn't, so they don't really need to be restraining him and he just wants out and away and god more pills please.
It's then that Jared looks down at his stomach and doesn't see anything but realize that his throat is raw and dry and damn, they pumped his fucking stomach. He remembers wanting to take more and more pills and booze, just not wanting to feel anything at all. He remembers people offering him more drugs and taking them and the fact that Jensen alone was able to do this to him hurts him. He sighs and looks up when he hears someone enter the room, not surprised at all to see that it's a bunch of nurses, being followed quickly by Danneel and Chris and Chad. He starts pulling again, ignoring the 'please calm down, sir''s he's getting from the nurse and looking straight at his friends.
“Where's Jensen you guys, I want Jensen,” He pleads, his eyes wide and afraid, and he can see his friends look at him in shock and he honestly doesn't care, because he gets a sudden series of flashes of Jensen sitting by his bedside and talking to him, and he can hear the words that Jensen was saying, and there's such a warm glow in his body that he absolutely needs to, must find Jensen and talk to him about everything, just let the air become clear.
He looks at the nurse and puts on his best puppy dog eyes, hearing Chris snort behind him and tries his hardest not to glare at the other man.
“Please nurse, let me go and find my friend. Please. I need him. My other friends can come with me to make sure --” Jared stops when he sees the nurse shaking his head and all he wants to do is groan in frustration but he's stopped when he hears Chris come up to his bed and put his hand on his shoulder.
“Jared, stop. I'll find Jensen and bring him here, just stop thrashing, please.” Jared does stop, looking up at Chris with wide eyes before nodding his head and letting Chris go, watching as he and everyone else get smaller, not feeling anything when the nurse does her thing and leave, just waits for them to come back with Jensen.
----
Jensen's currently sitting on a bed somewhere in one of the empty halls of the hospital, letting the tears fall from his face, not making a single sound whilst doing it. His whole body aches from the pain he's feeling, whether it be an association pain of what he did to Jared or a pain coming from his own heart, wanting him to tell everyone he's sorry for everything. At the same time, Jensen just wants to get up and run, never turning back, for not one person. He'd run until he had no clue where he was and then he'd figure it out and then he'd call Jared and tell him to come be with him, to never let him run away again. He bangs his head against the wall and closes his eyes, breathing slowly and surely, until he hears a bunch of footsteps coming his way. He nearly flinches when he sees Chris, Chad and Danneel all together looking at him but stops himself just in time, but not quick enough for Chad's smirk.
“What's up, guys?” He says, biting his lip, the urge to run even greater now than it was before. Chris smiles and Danneel grins before she moves to hug him, which she hasn't done in a year and it is definitely shocking for Jensen.
“You're wanting by Jared, Jen.” She whispers in his ear, and suddenly, everything just goes away. He looks between the group of people and doesn't want to get his hopes up but when he sees each of them smiling at him, he can't help but wonder if maybe what they're saying is completely true..
“...Really?” He asks, tilting his head to the side and biting his lip.
“Really.”
“Now, are you coming or what?” Jensen nods and gets up, a smile on his face as he follows them to the man he loves. He looks around while he walks, and he can feel some doubt creeping into his body, unable to help but wonder if maybe Jared wants to see him because he wants to tell Jensen to never come near him again, that he doesn’t want to see his face ever again and just the thought of that alone scares the fuck out of Jensen, and he can feel his heart beating again and again, faster and faster.
He stops in the middle of the hallway, stares straight ahead in worry and pain, unable to stop the curiosity over why Jared could possibly want to see him. It’s after a few minutes that the others turn around to see him no longer there and come back for him, a look of confusion on their faces. It takes only a few seconds though, and in those few seconds, Danneel smiles before walking up to him and putting her hand on his arm, stroking it with her fingers. Her eyes are bright but sad and Jensen isn’t exactly fond of that look in her eyes, would do anything to change it because even though they haven’t gotten well enough to talk to one another since he hurt Jared, he still cares deeply for her - how could he not. He looks into her eyes and blinks back tears, letting them fall down his face as she hugs him, patting his back. It’s then that he realizes how much she’s missed him, that he realizes how much he hurt everyone, not just Jared.
“Jensen,” She whispers, holding him tighter and telling something to Chris and Chad, and when he looks up, he notices them walking back towards wherever Jared is and he feels a pain in his gut, like they’re leaving him too and god, he really can’t handle losing all of his friends because they’ve been pulling away from him this year (he deserves it, he knows that) but after the past month and a half, if he loses them all over again with Jared, he’ll absolutely die.
“Dani, what if -“ Jensen can’t finish the sentence, but he knows from the widening of Danneel’s eyes that she understands immediately where Jensen’s train of thought is going and looks at him with such pity that he rolls his eyes and gives her a small smile.
“It’s just, I’m scared, Dani. What if he just wants to turn me away. What if he doesn’t love me anymore, or doesn’t find me worth the trouble - I sure as hell don’t find myself worth the trouble, so why should I?” He wipes the tears away from his eyes and scrubs his face clean, wanting to shake away the feeling he has in him right now and smiles at Danneel before stretching himself and beginning to walk again.
“What do you think?”
“I think-“ Danneel begins, smiling at him and rubbing his shoulders comfortingly - “I know that Jared loves you, Jensen. I know that the whole time he was with Tom, he was constantly thinking about you, speaking about you. He couldn’t get you out of his mind, Jensen, no matter how hard he tried. I know that when he was here with you in this cabin, he couldn’t stand watching you with anyone else because it hurt him so much, made him so jealous. I know that he let Tom blow him in the cabin and finger him in the cabin but the whole time that was going on he was thinking about you, wishing it was you that was doing those things to him. I know that Jared will always love you, Jensen, always, no matter what you do or how you do it.” She finishes, wiping away even more tears that had appeared during her speech, making sure he kept eye contact with her.
“Do you understand me, Jen?” She questioned at last and he nodded, thinking so hard about the times that he’s hurt Jared, wondering how he could possibly be forgiven. Danneel grabs his hand and together, they begin to walk towards Jared, and this time, Jensen only feels an emotion of giddiness, which he hasn’t felt in such a long time that it feels so fucking good.
Jared feels like it’s been hours since he last saw his friends, since he last saw them and asked them to find Jensen for them. He’s jittery, his leg constantly shaking and moving and thumping. He just wants to see Jensen right now, wants to talk to him and tell him how he feels, how he’s been feeling for the longest time.
He watches as nurses and doctors pass him by, watches as other sick patients walk by his bedroom and he just wants his friends and Jensen to hurry up but he also wants to get out of these god damn restraints so he’d be able to touch Jensen when he entered his bedroom - because he knows that if you don’t touch him while talking to him, he’ll freak out because Jensen? Jensen definitely needs to be touched. Not only that, but he’s been trying to ask the nurses to let him go for that reason alone and it’s pissing him off that none of them will let him free. What, do they expect him to just whip out something from this lacklustre, barren room to kill himself with? It’s not like he was suicidal the first time because he wasn’t, he just wanted to feel numb or not feel at all, and everything he had been taking that night was definitely helping him. He can feel his body begin to shake and he has to take a few deep breaths in order to calm himself down, and he needs to begin thinking about something other than all the good times he had with Jensen, because it’s hurting his heart.
Except, Jared doesn’t exactly want to not think about the amazing times he had with Jensen, because damn it, they were fucking amazing and he knows that, he does. It’s what he thinks about whenever he finds himself depressed and lonely; it’s what he thinks about when he’s going to bed at night and waking up in the morning, and when he’s smiling for no good reason. It’s what was beginning to destroy his relationship with Tom, because they both know that Jared was never going to let Jensen go, was never going to be able to let him go.
He feels his heartbeat fasten, can feel his face turn red and his hands begin to sweat and he knows instantly that Jensen is finally here. He can recognize the fact that he’s feeling all of that, can recognize the things Jensen does to him just by looking at him and he can’t help but turn even more red than before. When he looks up, he does see Jensen and gives a soft smile to Chris, Chad and Danneel before nodding his head to the opposite direction. Thankfully, they get the hint and after giving him a smile, head on towards an area that won’t interrupt them.
Jared won’t lie, but he feels like a teenage girl right now, looking down and blushing, wanting to giggle at the fact that all of Jensen’s attention is on him, that after a year, he finally has that attention back. It makes him feel so good and he bites his lip, looking up at Jensen through his bangs and smiles at him before looking at the empty spot on his bed and then back at Jensen, hoping his eyes are doing all the talking since he’s suddenly too shy to do so himself and can’t move his hands to pat the bed next to him. He smiles wide when Jensen smiles at him and walks over to him and sits on the bed, leaning back against the wall and stretching his legs out. Jared copies his position as best he can before sighing when the restraints hold him.
He looks up in shock when Jensen hits the call button and then the nurse comes in.
“Can you let my friend go? i promise he won’t do anything to himself. I love him too much to let him do anything like that when I’m right there with him,” He says, pulling on his cute smile and widening his eyes. Jared sometimes hates Jensen for that, especially when the nurse nods and lets him go. When his wrists are finally free, he rubs them carefully and slowly, relishing in the feel of the skin on his skin. He tries to get rid of the red welts from the belt but it isn’t easy and when it becomes a rough getting rid of, Jensen grabs his hands and breaks them apart, rubbing them for him and smiling up at him.
Jared blushes again and looks down before chuckling.
“Please tell me I’m not the only one feeling like a teenage girl, here.” He says, running his fingers through his hair and god damn, that feels so fucking good. He keeps doing it and after a few minutes, he hears Jensen chuckle and blushes before swearing with a mighty well fuck.
“Yeah, you’re definitely not the only one feeling that way, Jay.” Jensen replies grinning and Jared grins back before letting his smile fall off of his face, which just makes Jensen do the same.
“Jensen, can you - can you let me do the talking and just - just listen while I do it?” He watches as Jensen nods and crosses his legs and knows instantly that Jensen is going to do exactly that and he’s incredibly thankful for the older man and, okay, he should probably begin talking to Jensen now.
“Alright, so. When I walked in on you with Jeff, I was... fuck Jensen, I was really fucking hurt-“ Jared begins, his breath hitching at the thought of remembering that night, remembering the feeling he had that night and how he had wanted to die so much afterwards -“I felt so alone, after you broke up with me. I felt lost and out of place and like I belonged nowhere. I had only really known you, Jensen, and not having you anymore was incredibly horrible for me.” Jared takes a pause and looks at Jensen through his bangs, can see the guilt he has a mile away. Jared doesn’t want to keep going but he knows that he needs to, he needs to get all of this out of his system because if he doesn’t, what happened last night will no doubt, happen again and that can’t happen. At all.
“After a week, I couldn’t take it anymore, and just - I tried killing myself. I couldn’t move on without you, so I killed myself. A good two weeks later, I woke up, restraint and on suicide watch. Tom was there, constantly flirting with me and I couldn’t do it, not when I was completely in love with you. He tried, he really did, and after months I finally gave in, but it was always about you Jensen, always. About a week after I was out of the hospital, I just started getting so angry with you. How could you not notice that I was slipping into a dark slippery slope? How could you not realize that I wasn’t the same man I was when we first met, or when we first told each other we loved one another or when we first said it was us against the world, I will never understand. I was so angry, Jensen; Angry at you, at myself, at the world. I was ready to propose to you Jensen, and I understood that you were scared, that you wanted to show me that I could do better than you but let’s be honest - You were it for me, you were the best I could ever do, could ever want to do.” Jared takes a breath before rubbing his eyes and letting the tears fall from his eyes.
“God, Jensen. I had so much anger that when Tom asked me out, I said yes. When he told me he loved me, I said I loved him too and when he told me he wanted to take the next step, I said no. No, because I could only think of you throughout our whole relationship; No because I knew that if I had sex with him, I would think of you and god, who fucking does that? Who is still in love with the guy that cheated on him with the guy that raped him? Who stays in love with that guy, even though he’s put him through so much pain? It took me so much to realize that and that alone. Tom and I were okay, Jen - we weren’t happy, but we were okay because he knew I wasn’t ready to give him myself. And when we came here, you want to know what happened, Jensen?” He notices Jensen nod his head and wipe the tears away from his eyes and he can’t help but do the same with his own eyes, can’t help but silently chuckle at the fact that he’s crying over Jensen fucking Ackles again, even if it is kind of a good cry. He missed the older man. Even when he’s with Jensen, he misses him which says a fucking lot about him.
He takes in a deep breath before beginning again, making sure that he gets everything out.
“We arrived at this cabin, got locked in this cabin together and I could swear that I fell in love with you all over again-“ He chuckles, playing with the hem of his hospital gown before looking at Jensen and away -“I fell in love with you all over again but fought it, fought against it tooth and fucking nail because I didn’t want to get hurt by you anymore. I tried hard to ignore the little games you tried playing on me, to ignore the way you looked at Jeff then me, or the way other people looked at you and me, or anything, and pretty soon it just became too out of hand. And god, when we had sex-“ Jared laughs, a laugh not full of humour or anything, just a laugh -“We had sex and it was awesome and it was all I could think about. Even after getting fingered by Tom-“ Jared snorts, shaking his head.
“But then, what you told Jeff, and the fights we kept having. Fucking Christ, Jensen, I just began getting so exhausted. Exhausted from feeling angry at you, exhausted from feeling hurt at everything that had been going on; Exhausted from the fact that we were constantly fighting and trying to one up one another when instead, we should have been trying to show how sorry we were to one another, how sorry we were for causing so much pain. And the exhaustion, man, it was fucking bone deep. I was getting weary with everything, not wanting to move out of bed in the mornings. I’d spend more than half the night laying on my back, thinking, ‘How can I tell Jensen I still love him?’. How can I tell him that I forgive him for everything and that I was sorry for everything I might’ve done to him while we were together-“
“You were exhausted.” Jensen interrupts and Jared really wants to roll his eyes but Jensen’s been good with not interrupting his long spiel so he lets it slide and nods his hands, wiping away the tears that have reformed since the previous break in conversation.
“I was extremely exhausted. And then one day, a few days ago, I laid in bed for hours, just thinking and I knew instantly that I needed to tell you how much I still loved you. God help me, but I do. After everything you’ve put me through Jensen, the only way to explain it is the fact that I’m in love with you still. I’ve always been in love with you and I’ll always be in love with you but when we were broken up, I lied to myself and made myself believe that I would never love you ever again. It was the only way I could pretend to be happy with Tom, pretend to be happy with myself-“ Jared shrugs before running his hands through his hair and cracking his fingers and back and then looking at Jensen with wide eyes. He bites his lip and then sighs, before adding on one more thing.
“I love you Jensen. And I may be repeating myself here, but no matter what you do to me, how you do it or how many times you do it, I’m always going to love you. You may think that I deserve better than you and at a time, I may have let people let me think that myself but in all honesty, I don’t want anyone better than you, nor do I need anyone better than you. You’re it for me Jensen, and you were it for me the moment I bumped into you at the quad, effectively making you late for your class, getting kicked out because of it and hating me for the first two weeks.” Jared laughs, wiping his eyes from the tears that have been falling.
“Jensen, you need to stop thinking I’m not going to love you, because I’m always going to love you. You need to stop believing that I won’t forgive you, because I forgave you the moment that you stepped back into my life. You need to stop wondering if I’m always going to hate you for hurting me because I could never hate you, no matter what you did. Lastly, you need to stop fucking looking at me with the goofiest smile on your face and fucking kiss me already because fuck it all to hell Jensen Ross Ackles, I can’t stand constantly looking at you and not being able to kiss you the way I’ve been wanting to kiss you since we first walked into this place together, since we first fucked each other while here. So you better make your choice as to what-“ Jared gets cut off as Jensen presses his lips to his own and after a few seconds of pure shock running through Jared’s veins, he smiles into the kiss and wraps his arms around Jensen’s neck, crushing Jensen closer to his body, arching into the kiss like he was ready to die and it was his last one. He moans into the kiss when he feels Jensen’s hard cock against his stomach and god, he just wants to continue with what they’re doing, but he needs to set some limits because if he doesn’t, he might actually get hurt again and while what he said was incredibly true, he doesn’t want to take that damn risk.
Jared pulls himself away from the wonderful lips of Jensen, whimpering a little even though it was his own decision, grinning when he hears Jensen do the exact same thing.
“Jared, get your fucking ass back here now so I can kiss you senseless, you ass!” Jared laughs at that, feeling happier than he ever has in a while. He shakes his head and stares at Jensen, waiting for him to open his eyes. When Jensen finally gets the clue that Jared is definitely not getting his ass back near Jensen’s area until he listens, Jensen opens his eyes and arches his eyebrow. Jared lets out a small smile while stroking Jen’s cheek.
“What’s up, Jay?”
“I need to know, Jensen-“ Jared hesitates here, because while he might’ve stated everything he had been feeling, Jensen had just listened and kissed him, not saying anything and Jared needs to know because if he doesn’t, he’ll end up getting crushed no matter what. He looks down, a blush spreading against his face before he looks up at Jensen and bites his lip.
“I need to know -“ Jensen nods, knowing exactly what he means and biting his lip in return, playing with his fingers, definitely a sign of nervousness. Jared waits patiently for Jensen to begin, his heart beating in his chest as he does so.
“I’m not going to lie to you Jared, I can’t for sure say I won’t hurt you in the future - “ Jared opens his mouth, shocked that Jensen would apply such a thing but snaps it closed when Jensen looks at him -“ I don’t mean that I don’t see myself staying faithful to you because trust me, I’m never making the mistake of cheating on you ever again. What I mean is I can’t be sure that I won’t say or do something that will hurt you more so than before. We’re both vulnerable, Jay, and we’ve both made mistakes. What I’m saying is, when we were together for those ten years, we made mistakes and sometimes it took us a while to get over them but we did, and I plan on this being one of those. It’ll take a while to get back to where we were, to the point of us wanting to propose to one another, but I can see us getting there and I promise you now, I won’t ever back out ever again-“ Jensen pauses here, playing with the ring that Jared remembers giving him for their first anniversary. He feels a smile reach his face when he looks at that and puts his hands on top of Jensen’s, stroking the finger the ring is currently on.
“I know that, and it’s going to take a while for me to trust you again, Jensen, but we’ll work together and we’ll try hard to get back to the way we were, if we can ever get back to that, or if things will always be changed and end up better or worse.”
“Jared?”
“Yeah?”
“I do want to marry you. Someday. Someday I’m going to propose to you and make you the happiest man alive and we’re going to start a family. Before I cheated, I always thought we’d be married by now and getting ready to have kids, but it’s my fault we’re not, and I’m going to make that up to you in every way I can.” Jared stares at Jensen in shock, stopping his finger from stroking Jensen, who then looks up at Jared with confusion in his eyes.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to make it up to me, Jen, because that’ll just cause resentment. I want you to love me because you want to, need to, not because you want to make me happy.”
“I know. And trust me, I love you because I want to, not because I have to.” Jensen replies, kissing Jared lightly on the lips before pulling back quickly.
“I’m going to need to talk to Jeff,” Jensen says and Jared tenses, which Jensen notices immediately.
“Hey!” Jared looks up at Jensen, his lip quivering just slightly before taking a deep breath.
“I’m going to kick his ass, Jared. If I had known what Jeff had done to you, even before I cheated, I would’ve killed him right then and there. Knowing the fact that he hurt you in that way, it fucking kills me. Not only does it kill me though, it makes me angry, thinking about the fact that he touched you that way, that he forced himself upon you. If I can’t kill him then I’m going to fucking send him straight to jail and make sure he never touches you or looks at you ever again.” Jensen says with enough venom in his voice that Jared is absolutely shocked but pleased at the fact that Jensen would be willing to do that.
Jared looks down with a blush on his cheeks and he’s about to say something when he hears the door to the room open and sees the nurse walk in with a look on her face.
“No!” Jared shouts, going to move behind Jensen, not wanting to be restrained again. Jensen throws his arm around his shoulder’s and holds him tightly, giving the nurse a full-body grin that makes her knees go weak, Jared can tell.
“I think, Jared doesn’t need the restraints anymore, seeing as he’s definitely not going to hurt himself.” Jared nods his head fluently, wanting to get the point across that he’s not feeling suicidal tendencies or anything. The nurse scrutinizes the two of them before grinning and nodding her head, writing something down on his chart and then putting it away.
“Just make sure I don’t see you in here again or else I’m going to be screwed,” She replies before she leaves the room, shutting the door just after Danneel and Sophia come in, holding hands. Jared grins at them, jumping up at them and hugging them both, laughing.
“Oh my god you guys, how did this happen? I’m so happy for you guys, have y’all finally found love this is just too cute oh god you have to tell me everything and we need to go on double dates and we need to make each other sick with our love lives and -“
“JARED, BREATHE!” Danneel shouts, laughter in her voice which causes Jared to stop, take a breath and laugh at himself and look over to Jensen, who’s chuckling with him. Jared watches as Danneel and Sophia look at one another with smiles on their faces, even if their hair is hiding their blushes, Jared can still see it all.
“WELL?!” He says, excited over this new relationship. Danneel laughs before sitting in one of the chairs that come with the room.
“I was sitting on the bench outside and I could hear Sophia crying so I went over to her,”
“And I was crying because I finally told Chad how I felt and he was a complete douche about it,”
“A complete douche,” Danneel nods.
“And I was telling her about everything we said, and my feelings for her completely slipped out,”
“And then well, after that, I couldn’t just hide my own feelings for Sophia, so I told her mine,” Danneel says smiling and kissing her on the cheek, which just causes Jared to grin and Sophia to blush. Jared’s still grinning when he realizes that Danneel is looking at him and Jensen with an arched eyebrow and Jared laughs, knowing exactly what she’s thinking.
“Things are going to be tough but-“
“We’re going to try and work through it.” Jensen finishes with a grin. The grins on Danneel and Sophia’s own grins widen in response and it’s this time that Jared blushes, which just makes everyone else laugh.
“Oh, shut up!” He laughs, pushing everyone that he can push, his smile fading as he hears Jeff’s voice. One look at Jensen says that he heard it too and he knows what Jensen’s going to do, and he doesn’t want Jensen to do it but knows that he has to.
“Go, Jen. It’s the only way for us to be together again.” Jensen nods before getting up and giving Jared a quick kiss before walking out the door and Jared can’t help but feel a pain in his heart, like Jensen’s never going to come back.
Jensen walks down the hallway towards Jeff’s voice, nerves in his stomach over what he’s suppose to do. He knows it’s the right thing, he’s in love with Jared and has never left Jeff but he’s not idiotic enough to not know about Jeff’s demeaning, demanding, condescending, dominate attitude. He knows that by leaving Jeff, Jeff will become a very upset man, will do anything to get Jensen back to him and then do anything to hurt the both of them.
He enters the area where Jeff is and when Jeff looks up, he knows that Jeff thinks he wants to have a quickie in an on-call room or a bathroom, which Jensen won’t do at all. He goes towards a private area, Jeff following him, but nowhere near anywhere private. When he finally finds the perfect place, he turns around swiftly, his gaze turned calm into angry, heated and pissed off, causing Jeff to back up in shock, as he’s never seen him like this.
“Jensen, what are you doing?” Jeff questions, and Jensen clenches his fists, tries very hard not to punch Jeff out right then and there.
“You’re an asshole, Jeff.” Jensen begins, and when he watches Jeff try and rebuttle that, he holds his hand up in a ‘stop’ motion, which just makes Jeff snap his mouth shut.
“You’re an asshole, and I have no idea why I put up with your horrible ass for the past year. I think maybe I just wanted to torture myself, give myself the pain I had given Jared. But you-“ Jensen takes a breath here, trying very hard not to seethe, but knows it isn’t working to well.
“You, you fucking deserve to be arrested and then killed for the shit you did, Jeff. Manipulating me to fuck you while I was with Jared is one thing - and yeah, don’t think I don’t remember that night. Don’t think I don’t forget about how you roofied me into fucking submission, about how you convinced me you were Jared, just roleplaying, or how you had his voice telling me it was alright. Don’t you dare fucking think I forgot about any of that, because I haven’t and I definitely have the evidence to prove all of those things that you’ve done to me - but to fucking rape Jared two weeks before you do that shit to me is unacceptable,” Jensen seethes, his fists badly clenched that his nails are digging into his palm, causing him to bleed out. He watches as Jeff’s face changes from confusion and into anger, watches as he steps forward, brave by the fact that he thinks Jensen is done talking, even if he hasn’t finished at all.
“No, don’t you dare fucking speak, you fucking asshole-“ Jensen says, planning to keep going - “You manipulated me and you raped Jared. You threatened me into staying in a relationship with you because I wanted to torture myself, and then you pretended like absolutely nothing was wrong but in fucking reality Jeff, you’re an asshole that’s going to get exactly what you deserve in jail.” Jeff laughs at that and Jensen’s eyes pinch in anger, his blood thrumming through his veins like it’s all he has left.
“And how the hell do you think you’re going to prove that?” Jeff questions, a smirk on his face as he whispers the fact that Jensen has no evidence, and that just makes Jensen laugh because yes, he actually has quite a lot of evidence, thank you very much.
“Do you really think I would come here unprepared, Jeff?” He watches as Jeff’s eyes go wide, watches as he takes a step back in shock.
“Everything we ever went through Jeff? It’s all fucking over. I don’t want to see your face ever again, because if I see you near anyone of us, if I see your phone number calling any one of us and or leaving any one of us messages, and if I even hear that you’re thinking about contacting any of us ever again, I will make sure to fucking kill you.” Jensen seethes, unclenching his fists so that the blood can start flowing back to his vital organs again.
“Be fucking thankful I’m not killing you now,” Jensen says, before turning around and walking away, until he hears Jeff snort in amusement and he’s had fucking enough of this shit. He turns around swiftly, one last time, throwing his arm back and punching Jeff in the nose, hard enough that it begins gushing blood, hard enough that Jensen is positive he’s broken Jeff’s nose. He only has one thought at that and it’s a pretty simple one.
Good.
While he’s walking back towards Jared’s hospital room, he bumps into Sandy and Genevieve, who are smiling at one another shyly and looking down. Jensen can’t help but laugh at the fact that there’s another couple that’s brand spanking new thanks to this whole, ‘being trapped in a cabin while Jared and Jensen try and figure their shit out’ and Jensen’s pretty much glad for those two females. They definitely need someone to love, and the fact that they found one another is amazing in Jensen’s eyes.
He takes a closer look at Genevieve though and notices that she’s looking pretty upset, and when he looks towards Sandy, he notices that she looks really sick and he doesn’t know what’s going on but has a feeling it’s pretty bad.
He takes a step towards the two girls, and they look up at him, their eyes wide and Jensen is confused.
“Guys.” He says, nodding towards them -“What’s wrong?” He questions, wondering why Sandy is holding her stomach, mirroring Genevieve’s own position.
“We’re pregnant, Jensen.” Jensen has to take a step back for a minute before smiling. He’s happy for them, and wondering who got them pregnant. A few minutes later, he asks.
“Jeff,” Sandy replies, a look of sickness crossing over on her features. Jensen immediately flinches, and then wonders how she knows so soon. When he asks her that, she snorts.
“We fucked at the very beginning of the summer, Jensen. Two months ago. Long enough for me to realize something was definitely up.” Jensen nods, before turning to Genevieve.
“I don’t know for sure, but I have all of the symptoms.” Jensen nods, and wonders who got her possibly pregnant and why she could possibly look so sick.
“I’m not so sure, Jensen.” She says and Jensen has a feeling she’s lying, has flashes of Jared and her having sex in the middle of the week and flinches, especially when he notices how guilty she looks. He shakes his head and ignores the feeling he has at the bottom of his stomach, instead deciding to move on and get back to Jared, before the guy begins truly worrying.
He just reaches the last landing of the hallway before Jared’s hospital room, which is where he bumps into Chris and Steve, smiling like a bunch of idiots and making googly eyes at one another. Jensen snorts at the two of them, which then makes them both look over to him and their grins get impossibly bigger.
“JENSEN!” They shout and jesus fucking Christ, Jensen is lucky this hallway in this hospital is just for them, all of them, and that they won’t be bugging anyone else trying to recover from something. Thank god, definitely. He grins over at them before shaking his head.
“Why are you guys so happy?”
“You mean other than the fact that Danneel and Sophia are together, Sandy and Genevieve are thinking about getting together for real and Jared and yourself finally made up?” Steve laughs, questions in his tone like he’s trying to figure out the truth. Jensen grins, which is the ultimate symbol for them that everything they said is right, which just makes Jensen laugh even more.
“And what else?” He says, imploring but definitely curious enough to prod the two of them. They look at each other and grin before holding hands and jumping up and down, making Jensen snort.
“Well, for one, we got a gig!” Jensen grins at that, extremely happy for them and he says so, which just makes them even more excited.
“Secondly-“ This is Chris and Jensen looks onward, confused.
“Secondly, we’re engaged.” Steve finished, and Jensen has to blink his eyes before he processes what was said because fuck, that’s surprising. Chris and Steve were always pro marriage, but they didn’t really care for it either, didn’t bother planning on ever getting married, especially when Chris and Steve realized how in love with one another they were. So when Jensen realizes that Chris had said they were engaged, it takes him a few minutes to process that, but when he does, he gets this blinding grin on his face before he shouts out his congratulations for the couple.
“Thanks dude,”
“Yeah,” Jensen nods, before finally making his way back to Jared.
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