entry 073 - all summer long [10/14]
Title: All Summer Long
Author: jamie_love13
Beta-Edited: Madison, but not for this chapter
Pairings/Characters: Mike/Tom, mentions of Jared/Tom, Jensen/Misha, mentions of Jared/Misha, Chad/Sophia
Word Count: 3,000 Words
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Misha realizes what he's done wrong and Jared talks it out while Jensen makes a decision
Disclaimer: Definitely don't own.
Warnings: A lot of swearing, some sex
Notes: I might try and post the next chapter today, but if not, it'll definitely be on here on Monday. Hope y'all enjoy this.
Previous Post | Masterpost
Mike’s sitting on his bed, looking through the photos of everyone on his camera that he’s been taking since the moment they’ve gotten here. He’s biting his lip, looking at a particular one of Jared and Tom, wondering if maybe the two of them should be better off together instead of there being a Tom and Mike. He knows there’s still something between the two of them and Mike is cool if they have the one last hurrah but if they end up together it will wreck Mike to a point of Mike being like fucking Jared. And that’s just hilarious. He snorts at that thought, snorts at the fact that how could he possibly equate a ten year relationship to someone he just met and fell in love with, because it isn’t as possible as everyone thinks.
“Hey, Mike.” He hears and when he turns around, he sees Tom looking fucking post-orgasm and he feels his heart clench, feels it squeeze until there’s possibly nothing left of it left. He nods his head in return and turns back around, looking at the window next to him and trying hard not to let any tears fall from his eyes. When he feels the bed dip though, he looks over and can see Tom across from him, a small smile on his face and a blush on his cheeks that make him look just too adorable.
“So, Jared said I should come see you,” Tom says and Mike looks confused for a minute, his brows scrunching up in said confusion and Tom laughs at that, scooting closer to him and putting his hands on Mike’s knees, making Mike sit through his legs.
“He said I should tell you how much I love you,” Tom says and Mike’s breath hitches in his throat and god, it feels like he’s going to fucking choke on his own spit, but his heart is beating furiously and he knows that everyone thinks he’s the fun, go-to guy but he has feelings and damn if Tom isn’t just crunching them all up and wrapping them in a ball around his finger.
“You love me?” He says and god if it hurts. He sees Tom nod, a smile on his face and Mike grins at that, inches closer to the guy and kisses him, slow and soft. His hands are on Tom’s face and his tongue is opening up Tom’s mouth. His body is being touched, nerves of fire emblazoning his body and god he fucking loves the feel of Tom all over him, just wants it to continue and go on forever.
Once the kiss finally ends, Mike looks at Tom and grins, a light in his eyes that he knows is there, even without looking in a mirror. Tom smiles back and goes in to kiss him one more time and god, Mike could do this forever, he really could. Halfway though, they hear a loud moan and when they look, it’s Jen and Misha.
Misha doesn’t know how to stop with the fucking, but god, after he had sex with Jensen, then Jared, he just needed to go at it one more time and Jensen was right there. He’s kissing the other guy’s neck, licking it raw and he knows that the hickey will make Jared completely jealous, which is also a count towards fucking Jensen one more time, but it’s almost like Jensen doesn’t want to go onward. He’s not hard, not thick and not wanting, but he’s moaning and something isn’t right with this scene. He goes down lower on Jensen’s body, unbuckling his pants and sliding them down his legs, kicking those more apart than what they already were.
Jensen is moaning like a whore, not hard at all but definitely moaning and Jensen thrusts upwards when Misha licks his cock and Misha grins, which is definitely awesome, until he hears a choked gasp coming from the corner, and when he looks and sees Jared there, he knows instantly that what he’s doing is killing the younger man and god, doesn’t that just suck. Pun intended, definitely. He knows that Jensen has heard the gasp, has heard the pain behind it and the fact that he’s thrusting even harder into Misha’s mouth definitely says something. He also knows that Jared’s still watching, and from the looks of it, so is everyone else and Misha loves being watched while fucking someone so he goes faster, harder, makes sure that when Jensen comes, he comes with such vigour that it makes Jared completely jealous.
And when that happens, when Jensen orgasms screaming his name and clenching his hair in his fingers, Misha grins and then feels horrible about it because he takes one look at Jared can see the hurt, the anger, the jealousy all in his eyes. Two thirds of those emotions pointed right at Misha, like it was betrayal and Misha feels bad and Jensen is sliding down the wall and when Misha looks at Jared one more time, he realizes what kind of mistake he’s made.
Because let’s face it, Jared and Jensen were always going to be a packaged deal, always going to go where the other went, come when the other came. Without one another, the two of them would be empty souls, which was proof enough with Jared and Jared’s past history. Misha bites his lip and looks toward Jared one more time, who’s staring at Jensen, who’s staring back. Misha knows, he just fucking knows he made the biggest mistake of their relationship, that despite everything the two of them have been through, Jensen having sex with Misha more than once is like cheating on Jared all over again. And that just sucks because Misha generally likes them both, equally.
Sighing, Misha buckles up his pants, zipping them up and walks over to Jared, who tenses immediately and that just makes Misha feel even worse for what it was he had done, and fuck it all to hell, he only wishes he could take it all back. He tilts his head back and then turns his head towards Jensen and can see how guilty Jensen feels, what with his head down and his body tense. Misha looks back towards Jared, who’s openly glaring at Misha now, his fists clenched in anger, completely white.
“I really want to punch you right now, Misha,” Jared seethes, and he nods his head, knowing how right Jared would be to punch him out. He was suppose to be a friend to the two of them, they were all suppose to be friends to them, but instead, everything got lost in the fucking and the trying to get them back together plan that not one of thought, not one of them thought that doing all of this could just hurt Jared even more than how he was already hurt. They all wanted Jared and Jensen to get back together with one another, to realize that they were perfect for each other and that the pain they were going through would stop if they just got back with each other. Except, not one of them realized that it was killing Jared, that it was making backtrack to how they found him one year ago, a good week after the break up, that it was hurting him so bad, trying to make everything right between the two of them again.
Misha sighs one more time and grabs Jared’s shoulders, putting him right in front of Jared’s line of sight. He can feel the tension in his body, can feel him shaking and he pulls Jared in, wraps his arms around Jared. Jared’s about to cry, he knows this, just like he knows the fact that there’s no way in hell that Jared wants Jensen to see him crying, who’s watching them raptly. Misha manhandles Jared into the hallway, everyone but Jensen following them and it’s then that he speaks.
“It’s perfectly okay to cry, Jay.” And when Jared starts sobbing, Misha does his best to comfort the other man, and once Jared stops the crying, Misha looks straight into Jared’s eyes, straight into them, which he knows freaks out Jared but he just has to say this.
“I’m sorry Jared, god, so sorry for doing this to you,” Misha knows that it’s the wrong person saying he’s sorry but it’s the best that’s going to happen for now and while Jared cries about that, he knows that Jared is thinking about it. He can feel Jared nod his head against him and he can feel Jared saying something, but for now he’s just going to stay here and be there for the guy.
“It sucks that I like him so much,” Jared whispers and Misha can feel his heart clench and knows just how badly Jared loves this man, how badly Jensen hurt him, knows now, knows that this has to stop, because it’s just killing Jared to the brink of suicide quickly.
Jared, now in his bedroom, sighed before banging his head against his headboard. His emotions were in such a whirlwind that it was hard for him to let any rational thought through his mind right now. His body kept shaking and his nerves were completely shocked. The shaking becomes so bad that he has to lay down on his bed and curl into the fetal position. There are tears leaking out of his eyes and damn, he knows, he just fucking knows that he is definitely going backwards in his progress since a year ago. The shaken worsens and when he hears his door opens, he quickly looks up and sees Sophia standing there, her arms crossed over her chest and a look of pity in her eyes and Jared fucking hates that.
“Don’t... look... at... me... like... that” Jared tries to say, but his body is shaking so badly and he knows instantly that Sophia feels badly for him. She walks over to his bed and lays down next to him, grabbing his body and holding him tightly and he knows that Sophia is trying to help him, trying her damnest to make sure he’s going to stay okay.
“Jared, it’s going to be ok.” She says and he knows instantly that he’s now bawling. Which he is, especially when Sophia tells him to be quiet and that it everything is going to be perfectly fine. He has a headache from all the crying he’s been doing this week, and he just wants it to fucking stop, for everything to just fucking stop. He finally sits up from the bed and wipes the tears from his eyes and looks over towards Sophia and has to stop himself from bawling one more time.
“I’m so sick and tired of this, Sophia,” He says, leaning his body towards Sophia’s and his eyes beginning to become red again, his cheeks flushed.
**
Sophia looks at Jared and can feel her heart clench for him in pain. Jared definitely does not deserve all this pain towards him and the fact that everything is causing his heart to hurt even more, it just makes Sophia feel for him so much. She sighs, can see how much he’s been crying and it hurts her. She bites her lip before putting her arm around Jared’s shoulders and pulling him in to her body once more, knowing he needs the comfort that anyone else can bring to him.
“Jared, the pain you feel..” She begins to say but breaks off, unsure of how to continue that sentence without having Jared crying his eyes out one more time. He’s done enough crying to make a female on PMS proud and she wants to laugh at that but knows she won’t because she’s a friend of Jared’s and he’s gone back so far since a year ago and she just doesn’t want to see him hurt anymore.
“Jared, you’re going backwards,” She says and she’s beginning to cry, and she knows that that’s just going to make Jared cry, which he does and pretty soon they’re both hugging one another and feeling the pain of it all.
“And it pains me to see you this hurt, Jared. It fucking pains me to see you mooning over Jensen, absolutely still in love with him even though he fucking broke you last year, even though he’s still fucking breaking you right now,” She cries, squeezing onto her friend for dear life and she can hear him gasp, feel him tense and on a normal day she would be worried that she probably went to far with her speech but god damn it, Jared has been her closest friend for a while now and she’s not going to let him get hurt again - not like fucking this.
“And I feel this irrational anger at Jensen for not realizing how bad he fucked up, how bad he fucked you up and how bad he’s still fucking you up -“ Sophia’s breathing hitches, her heartbeat now irregular and she wants to laugh because she never swears this much, let alone says the word fuck so many times in one sentence but Jensen makes her angry, as does everything he ever did to Jared. No matter how much Jared fucking loves the dude - “And I know you love him Jared, it just... it’s hurting you, he’s hurting you and it seems like he doesn’t care because no matter how bad you get, he keeps hurting you and a lot of us are getting so fucking sick of it.” She’s finally finished and she just wants to laugh at the irony of the fact that fuck, she’s ranting and she’s not the kind of girl to rant about something like this.
Chuckling, she wipes the tears from her eyes that have suddenly appeared and looks at Jared, “Sorry dude. Didn’t mean to unload all that shit on you.” She hears Jared laugh and can’t help but look up at him and smile, wiping the tears out of his eyes and squeezing him tightly in a hug.
“The funny thing about this, Soph-“ Jared begins and Sophia listens intently but knows it’s going to take Jared a while to do this, to let everything out, everything he’s been keeping inside and Sophia can only let him take his time and try his hardest to get whatever he has to say out there and into the open.
“Sophia, you know Chad, how, when he first started cheating, you did everything you could to just.. stop loving him.” Sophia nods her head and can feel the pain of it in her heart, can feel the pain of Chad leaving her and god, it hurts.
“Yeah. I tried to stop loving him. Still hard to do,” She replies and looks over to Jared and tilts her head, wondering where he’s going with this.
“Well, I never stopped loving him Sophia. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop it either.”
Jensen stares at the doorway, shocked by what he just heard and bites his lip, wondering if everything he did hear was completely true. He looks down at himself and wonders if he really is causing Jared so much pain, if, for whatever reason, he’s losing the progress he’d made from before. Jensen doesn’t know what everyone talks about when they talk about Jared’s progress but that doesn’t mean he isn’t curious, because he is very curious.
That being said, he knows that no one will tell him, either because they believe he doesn’t deserve to know or because he’s the reason Jared needed to make process but either way, it pisses him off so much.
There’s a party getting ready downstairs and people are starting to enter the cabin and Jensen can only help but think about the fact that for some reason, he’s hurting Jared. Jared, the man he fucking loves and the man he feels so guilty for hurting him a year ago. He doesn’t know what possessed him, okay, lies, he does know, but he doesn’t know why he didn’t go after Jared, why he didn’t try to explain everything and fuck, he just feels so guilty.
And he isn’t an idiot. He knows how people feel about the fact that he’s here, with Jared, hurting him even more than he already has and god damn it, he just wants to know how he can stop this shit, how he can stop hurting the man he loves and tell Jared he’s so sorry, so god damn sorry for hurting him and that he still loves the dude, always will.
And that just reminds Jensen that Jared has told Sophia that he won’t ever stop loving Jensen and that just makes him feel like an asshole because for the longest time, he always believed he loved Jeff, even though he knew he didn’t, couldn’t.
Jensen sighs before walking down the stairs and screaming that there’s a party going on and everyone better hurry their asses down if they want to get extremely drunk. That way, Jensen doesn’t have to hurt himself with the fact that he overheard Jared, and he doesn’t have to hurt himself with the fact that he’s probably fucked everything up so well that there will never be anything ever again for him.
He takes a cursory look around the area and sighs before heading towards the kitchen and deciding that he needs to start on his way to becoming drunk by actually getting some alcohol into his system. Once he finally gets to the kitchen he pours himself a nice full glass of bourbon and guzzles it down in one shot, glaring at Chris when he hears the other man chuckling at him, flipping him off too while he’s at it.
He sees Jared and Sophia come down, can see how red Jared’s face is and how he’s still shaking and Jensen decides, fuck yes, he’s getting wasted and shit-faced tonight, for sure.
Next Chapter
Author: jamie_love13
Beta-Edited: Madison, but not for this chapter
Pairings/Characters: Mike/Tom, mentions of Jared/Tom, Jensen/Misha, mentions of Jared/Misha, Chad/Sophia
Word Count: 3,000 Words
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Misha realizes what he's done wrong and Jared talks it out while Jensen makes a decision
Disclaimer: Definitely don't own.
Warnings: A lot of swearing, some sex
Notes: I might try and post the next chapter today, but if not, it'll definitely be on here on Monday. Hope y'all enjoy this.
Previous Post | Masterpost
Mike’s sitting on his bed, looking through the photos of everyone on his camera that he’s been taking since the moment they’ve gotten here. He’s biting his lip, looking at a particular one of Jared and Tom, wondering if maybe the two of them should be better off together instead of there being a Tom and Mike. He knows there’s still something between the two of them and Mike is cool if they have the one last hurrah but if they end up together it will wreck Mike to a point of Mike being like fucking Jared. And that’s just hilarious. He snorts at that thought, snorts at the fact that how could he possibly equate a ten year relationship to someone he just met and fell in love with, because it isn’t as possible as everyone thinks.
“Hey, Mike.” He hears and when he turns around, he sees Tom looking fucking post-orgasm and he feels his heart clench, feels it squeeze until there’s possibly nothing left of it left. He nods his head in return and turns back around, looking at the window next to him and trying hard not to let any tears fall from his eyes. When he feels the bed dip though, he looks over and can see Tom across from him, a small smile on his face and a blush on his cheeks that make him look just too adorable.
“So, Jared said I should come see you,” Tom says and Mike looks confused for a minute, his brows scrunching up in said confusion and Tom laughs at that, scooting closer to him and putting his hands on Mike’s knees, making Mike sit through his legs.
“He said I should tell you how much I love you,” Tom says and Mike’s breath hitches in his throat and god, it feels like he’s going to fucking choke on his own spit, but his heart is beating furiously and he knows that everyone thinks he’s the fun, go-to guy but he has feelings and damn if Tom isn’t just crunching them all up and wrapping them in a ball around his finger.
“You love me?” He says and god if it hurts. He sees Tom nod, a smile on his face and Mike grins at that, inches closer to the guy and kisses him, slow and soft. His hands are on Tom’s face and his tongue is opening up Tom’s mouth. His body is being touched, nerves of fire emblazoning his body and god he fucking loves the feel of Tom all over him, just wants it to continue and go on forever.
Once the kiss finally ends, Mike looks at Tom and grins, a light in his eyes that he knows is there, even without looking in a mirror. Tom smiles back and goes in to kiss him one more time and god, Mike could do this forever, he really could. Halfway though, they hear a loud moan and when they look, it’s Jen and Misha.
Misha doesn’t know how to stop with the fucking, but god, after he had sex with Jensen, then Jared, he just needed to go at it one more time and Jensen was right there. He’s kissing the other guy’s neck, licking it raw and he knows that the hickey will make Jared completely jealous, which is also a count towards fucking Jensen one more time, but it’s almost like Jensen doesn’t want to go onward. He’s not hard, not thick and not wanting, but he’s moaning and something isn’t right with this scene. He goes down lower on Jensen’s body, unbuckling his pants and sliding them down his legs, kicking those more apart than what they already were.
Jensen is moaning like a whore, not hard at all but definitely moaning and Jensen thrusts upwards when Misha licks his cock and Misha grins, which is definitely awesome, until he hears a choked gasp coming from the corner, and when he looks and sees Jared there, he knows instantly that what he’s doing is killing the younger man and god, doesn’t that just suck. Pun intended, definitely. He knows that Jensen has heard the gasp, has heard the pain behind it and the fact that he’s thrusting even harder into Misha’s mouth definitely says something. He also knows that Jared’s still watching, and from the looks of it, so is everyone else and Misha loves being watched while fucking someone so he goes faster, harder, makes sure that when Jensen comes, he comes with such vigour that it makes Jared completely jealous.
And when that happens, when Jensen orgasms screaming his name and clenching his hair in his fingers, Misha grins and then feels horrible about it because he takes one look at Jared can see the hurt, the anger, the jealousy all in his eyes. Two thirds of those emotions pointed right at Misha, like it was betrayal and Misha feels bad and Jensen is sliding down the wall and when Misha looks at Jared one more time, he realizes what kind of mistake he’s made.
Because let’s face it, Jared and Jensen were always going to be a packaged deal, always going to go where the other went, come when the other came. Without one another, the two of them would be empty souls, which was proof enough with Jared and Jared’s past history. Misha bites his lip and looks toward Jared one more time, who’s staring at Jensen, who’s staring back. Misha knows, he just fucking knows he made the biggest mistake of their relationship, that despite everything the two of them have been through, Jensen having sex with Misha more than once is like cheating on Jared all over again. And that just sucks because Misha generally likes them both, equally.
Sighing, Misha buckles up his pants, zipping them up and walks over to Jared, who tenses immediately and that just makes Misha feel even worse for what it was he had done, and fuck it all to hell, he only wishes he could take it all back. He tilts his head back and then turns his head towards Jensen and can see how guilty Jensen feels, what with his head down and his body tense. Misha looks back towards Jared, who’s openly glaring at Misha now, his fists clenched in anger, completely white.
“I really want to punch you right now, Misha,” Jared seethes, and he nods his head, knowing how right Jared would be to punch him out. He was suppose to be a friend to the two of them, they were all suppose to be friends to them, but instead, everything got lost in the fucking and the trying to get them back together plan that not one of thought, not one of them thought that doing all of this could just hurt Jared even more than how he was already hurt. They all wanted Jared and Jensen to get back together with one another, to realize that they were perfect for each other and that the pain they were going through would stop if they just got back with each other. Except, not one of them realized that it was killing Jared, that it was making backtrack to how they found him one year ago, a good week after the break up, that it was hurting him so bad, trying to make everything right between the two of them again.
Misha sighs one more time and grabs Jared’s shoulders, putting him right in front of Jared’s line of sight. He can feel the tension in his body, can feel him shaking and he pulls Jared in, wraps his arms around Jared. Jared’s about to cry, he knows this, just like he knows the fact that there’s no way in hell that Jared wants Jensen to see him crying, who’s watching them raptly. Misha manhandles Jared into the hallway, everyone but Jensen following them and it’s then that he speaks.
“It’s perfectly okay to cry, Jay.” And when Jared starts sobbing, Misha does his best to comfort the other man, and once Jared stops the crying, Misha looks straight into Jared’s eyes, straight into them, which he knows freaks out Jared but he just has to say this.
“I’m sorry Jared, god, so sorry for doing this to you,” Misha knows that it’s the wrong person saying he’s sorry but it’s the best that’s going to happen for now and while Jared cries about that, he knows that Jared is thinking about it. He can feel Jared nod his head against him and he can feel Jared saying something, but for now he’s just going to stay here and be there for the guy.
“It sucks that I like him so much,” Jared whispers and Misha can feel his heart clench and knows just how badly Jared loves this man, how badly Jensen hurt him, knows now, knows that this has to stop, because it’s just killing Jared to the brink of suicide quickly.
Jared, now in his bedroom, sighed before banging his head against his headboard. His emotions were in such a whirlwind that it was hard for him to let any rational thought through his mind right now. His body kept shaking and his nerves were completely shocked. The shaking becomes so bad that he has to lay down on his bed and curl into the fetal position. There are tears leaking out of his eyes and damn, he knows, he just fucking knows that he is definitely going backwards in his progress since a year ago. The shaken worsens and when he hears his door opens, he quickly looks up and sees Sophia standing there, her arms crossed over her chest and a look of pity in her eyes and Jared fucking hates that.
“Don’t... look... at... me... like... that” Jared tries to say, but his body is shaking so badly and he knows instantly that Sophia feels badly for him. She walks over to his bed and lays down next to him, grabbing his body and holding him tightly and he knows that Sophia is trying to help him, trying her damnest to make sure he’s going to stay okay.
“Jared, it’s going to be ok.” She says and he knows instantly that he’s now bawling. Which he is, especially when Sophia tells him to be quiet and that it everything is going to be perfectly fine. He has a headache from all the crying he’s been doing this week, and he just wants it to fucking stop, for everything to just fucking stop. He finally sits up from the bed and wipes the tears from his eyes and looks over towards Sophia and has to stop himself from bawling one more time.
“I’m so sick and tired of this, Sophia,” He says, leaning his body towards Sophia’s and his eyes beginning to become red again, his cheeks flushed.
**
Sophia looks at Jared and can feel her heart clench for him in pain. Jared definitely does not deserve all this pain towards him and the fact that everything is causing his heart to hurt even more, it just makes Sophia feel for him so much. She sighs, can see how much he’s been crying and it hurts her. She bites her lip before putting her arm around Jared’s shoulders and pulling him in to her body once more, knowing he needs the comfort that anyone else can bring to him.
“Jared, the pain you feel..” She begins to say but breaks off, unsure of how to continue that sentence without having Jared crying his eyes out one more time. He’s done enough crying to make a female on PMS proud and she wants to laugh at that but knows she won’t because she’s a friend of Jared’s and he’s gone back so far since a year ago and she just doesn’t want to see him hurt anymore.
“Jared, you’re going backwards,” She says and she’s beginning to cry, and she knows that that’s just going to make Jared cry, which he does and pretty soon they’re both hugging one another and feeling the pain of it all.
“And it pains me to see you this hurt, Jared. It fucking pains me to see you mooning over Jensen, absolutely still in love with him even though he fucking broke you last year, even though he’s still fucking breaking you right now,” She cries, squeezing onto her friend for dear life and she can hear him gasp, feel him tense and on a normal day she would be worried that she probably went to far with her speech but god damn it, Jared has been her closest friend for a while now and she’s not going to let him get hurt again - not like fucking this.
“And I feel this irrational anger at Jensen for not realizing how bad he fucked up, how bad he fucked you up and how bad he’s still fucking you up -“ Sophia’s breathing hitches, her heartbeat now irregular and she wants to laugh because she never swears this much, let alone says the word fuck so many times in one sentence but Jensen makes her angry, as does everything he ever did to Jared. No matter how much Jared fucking loves the dude - “And I know you love him Jared, it just... it’s hurting you, he’s hurting you and it seems like he doesn’t care because no matter how bad you get, he keeps hurting you and a lot of us are getting so fucking sick of it.” She’s finally finished and she just wants to laugh at the irony of the fact that fuck, she’s ranting and she’s not the kind of girl to rant about something like this.
Chuckling, she wipes the tears from her eyes that have suddenly appeared and looks at Jared, “Sorry dude. Didn’t mean to unload all that shit on you.” She hears Jared laugh and can’t help but look up at him and smile, wiping the tears out of his eyes and squeezing him tightly in a hug.
“The funny thing about this, Soph-“ Jared begins and Sophia listens intently but knows it’s going to take Jared a while to do this, to let everything out, everything he’s been keeping inside and Sophia can only let him take his time and try his hardest to get whatever he has to say out there and into the open.
“Sophia, you know Chad, how, when he first started cheating, you did everything you could to just.. stop loving him.” Sophia nods her head and can feel the pain of it in her heart, can feel the pain of Chad leaving her and god, it hurts.
“Yeah. I tried to stop loving him. Still hard to do,” She replies and looks over to Jared and tilts her head, wondering where he’s going with this.
“Well, I never stopped loving him Sophia. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop it either.”
Jensen stares at the doorway, shocked by what he just heard and bites his lip, wondering if everything he did hear was completely true. He looks down at himself and wonders if he really is causing Jared so much pain, if, for whatever reason, he’s losing the progress he’d made from before. Jensen doesn’t know what everyone talks about when they talk about Jared’s progress but that doesn’t mean he isn’t curious, because he is very curious.
That being said, he knows that no one will tell him, either because they believe he doesn’t deserve to know or because he’s the reason Jared needed to make process but either way, it pisses him off so much.
There’s a party getting ready downstairs and people are starting to enter the cabin and Jensen can only help but think about the fact that for some reason, he’s hurting Jared. Jared, the man he fucking loves and the man he feels so guilty for hurting him a year ago. He doesn’t know what possessed him, okay, lies, he does know, but he doesn’t know why he didn’t go after Jared, why he didn’t try to explain everything and fuck, he just feels so guilty.
And he isn’t an idiot. He knows how people feel about the fact that he’s here, with Jared, hurting him even more than he already has and god damn it, he just wants to know how he can stop this shit, how he can stop hurting the man he loves and tell Jared he’s so sorry, so god damn sorry for hurting him and that he still loves the dude, always will.
And that just reminds Jensen that Jared has told Sophia that he won’t ever stop loving Jensen and that just makes him feel like an asshole because for the longest time, he always believed he loved Jeff, even though he knew he didn’t, couldn’t.
Jensen sighs before walking down the stairs and screaming that there’s a party going on and everyone better hurry their asses down if they want to get extremely drunk. That way, Jensen doesn’t have to hurt himself with the fact that he overheard Jared, and he doesn’t have to hurt himself with the fact that he’s probably fucked everything up so well that there will never be anything ever again for him.
He takes a cursory look around the area and sighs before heading towards the kitchen and deciding that he needs to start on his way to becoming drunk by actually getting some alcohol into his system. Once he finally gets to the kitchen he pours himself a nice full glass of bourbon and guzzles it down in one shot, glaring at Chris when he hears the other man chuckling at him, flipping him off too while he’s at it.
He sees Jared and Sophia come down, can see how red Jared’s face is and how he’s still shaking and Jensen decides, fuck yes, he’s getting wasted and shit-faced tonight, for sure.
Next Chapter