entry 050 - spn [big bang, 2011; part 5 of 7]
Title: I'm A Soldier, But I've Got No Soul [Part 5 of 7 Parts]
Author: jamie_love13
Beta-Edited: singlemomsummer
Artist: kj_svala
Pairings/Characters: One-Sided Sam/Ruby, slight Sam/Dean, but it's barely there. Looks more like brotherly love than 'cest.
Word Count: 20, 502 Words
Rating: PG-13 for violence and blood.
Genre: Angst.
Spoilers: All episodes up to now.
Status: Complete
Summary: Dean misses Sam like nothing else, but he doesn't know Sam stayed away on purpose, and he sure as hell didn't think that there would be so many lies, truths and blood.
Disclaimer: Do not own. At all.
Warnings: Graphic, violent scenes; blood; death. Hell.
Notes: Acknowledgements, soundtrack, notes on beta-editing and thank you's are at the end.
Chapter Four
The Day of Dean’s Deal
Sam Winchester clutched his arm tightly to his body, trying to stop the flow of blood from becoming too obvious to the other demons. Even though they knew he had left his ‘vessel’ for five minutes to help Dean survive, those five minutes nearly killed them all. It’s not like he could just try and have his human blood start pumping through his veins so Dean could drink it without turning into a demon, quick enough to retain his demonic powers; because as strong as Sam was, that was nearly impossible to do, for any demon. Once his brother had finally drank Sam’s blood, Sam had to get out of the room before anyone could recognize who he was and try to stop the flow from becoming too much. Sam wasn’t going to lie - he hated being a demon, he hated being called Kyle and he hated the fact that there was so much he had to do to keep his brother alive and he couldn’t tell his brother about a single one of those things. When he heard the door open and close shut, Sam knew without a doubt that it was his fellow demon friends, here to comfort him and make him go back to his vessel.
“How are you doing?”
“Fucking shitty,” He replied, wrapping his arm up with the bandage he was handed, all the while checking for the hounds and checking to make sure they haven’t had any fresh meat at all. He would never forgive himself if the hounds got to his brother because he was too weak to truly control them. It was even harder today then most days, since it was the day Dean was supposed to die, and he had to do so much to make sure they didn’t get out of control.
“What are you going to do when the time comes? I mean, I know you’re going to chose Dean to live, but well, the yellow eyed bastard won’t be too happy about it.” Sam sighed, knowing that everything that was being said was true and he ran his hand through his hair.
“Azazel will do anything to have my brother in Hell, and I will do anything to keep him out. Even if it means losing him forever,” Sam sighed before getting up and walking away, putting his vessel “on” and walking out the door and into the room where everyone else was. When he arrived in the room, he saw Dean standing up, clutching to their father’s arm and god damn, Sam couldn’t help but miss his family, and he wished so much that he was still alive, never went to Stanford, never lost his way.
“So, what’s the plan?” He questions, subtly looking his brother up and down, checking his vitals without actually checking the vitals he had. He bit his lip, curious as to where Azazel was and when he turned around, was surprised to still see the demon pinned there, a small smile on his face, no doubt at the strength he was showing.
“You know...Kyle... aren’t you angry at what Jo and Bela did to you?” Azazel’s grin was slow coming, hidden secrets, lies and deceptions showing through the cracks of his facade, and damn, Sam couldn’t help but remember the anger he first had for Jo. Before he ever found out that his older brother had made a deal with a crossroads demon, Sam had vowed revenge on Jo for sending him to hell, for making his soul burn and go through so much pain. It wasn’t until his soul had left his body for good, in his third year of hell that he truly started imagining the evil things he would do to Jo if he ever met her again. Then his brother became more important when he left his prison and he hadn’t thought about her since.
Even just seeing her never made the anger spark, not until the god damn yellow-eyed bastard mentioned his anger. He would know of his anger, he fed his anger, putting in these entertaining thoughts in his head that Sam could never get out once they were there, and damn, now they wouldn’t leave him again and Azazel was making him distracted and he couldn’t have that.
“Of course I’m angry. However, I’m not the little naive 20-year-old boy you first started torturing, Azazel.” He replied, showing his teeth in a feral growl. He sees Ammo and Miles walk in the room, then he sees Castiel and everything is just becoming so tense. He can hear Azazel chuckle, hear the beats of his hearts, hear the screams he made when he was still a young boy, forced into learning how to grow up through a harsh reality.
“But Kyle, they killed you. Bela, a close friend and Jo, your girlfriend, plotted behind your back and sold your soul to me. Why wouldn’t you want to do anything about that, Kyle?” Sam recognizes Ellen, not because he ever met her while he was dating Jo, but because she looks so much like her daughter, it`s weird for him not to have recognized her. And he knows that she’s putting the pieces together, how couldn’t she? Jo had only talked about one boyfriend in their time at the school and that was him. He saw the recognition in her eyes; saw her look over at him sadly, before turning to her daughter in anger.
“Because Azazel, I’ve had enough time to forgive and forget,” Sam growls, his fingernails cutting open the skin of his palms. Azazel chuckles before he snaps his fingers and it all happens so fast. He’s shouting at Dean and his family and Sam can feel his lip tremble when he recognizes the sound of the hellhounds getting hungry. He’ll do anything to make sure that Dean stays alive, and if it means his own death, he’d gladly take it. Except, the hounds want Dean and Sam all but knows that hounds will do anything to get what they want.
“You see Dean-o, our good little Jo here was dating a nice little fella, you might actually know him. Not only that, but she was close with her adoptive brother Ash and there was her best friend, Ruby, who was the daughter of good ol’ Bobby Singer-“ Sam sees Dean tremble in shock and feels bad because this information is going to shock everyone who doesn’t already know.
“And good little Jo and Bela made quite the deal with me. You see, they did their research, learned whose mothers I killed, whose body I put my blood into when they were only six months old, effectively killing their mothers, because they wanted to protect their babies. They offered me the souls of these people, in return for a favour.” The growls get louder, and in turn, so does Azazel’s voice and Dean’s trembles.
“Of course, the two girls felt safe, though I have no idea why! Did you really think you could go on living your life with these specialties and not have to pay with your own souls?” Azazel’s eyes burn a brighter yellow and soon, the dogs are growling heavily and when he finally yells attack, Sam flies to Dean, shielding his older brother from any stray dogs that are sure to go after him too. And he was right, as the next thing he knows he can feel the sharp pain of the claws of a hellhound in his skin, a feeling he hasn’t felt for five years, a feeling he wanted to forget so bad.
He can feel Dean wrap his arms around him, letting his blood soak through Dean, though he thinks it won’t matter so much. When he feels the dogs leave them be, he knows that they were reigned in, but he also knows that Jo and Bela are also dead.
“Take their bodies somewhere else, Ammolite. Let Ellen do what she wants after,” He says quietly, pushing himself to the side of the room, letting the blood drip from him slowly. He can still see Azazel and without even making a sound, he knows that Miles has already started making a fire, his powers enabling him to do such a thing. He can feel the heat, scorching, reminiscent of his time in Hell but not nearly as hot or powerful. He knows when it’s ready, without even having to look, just like he knows that Azazel is trapped by a devils trap and can’t do anything about what he’s going to do.
He straightens his body up, slowly taking the contract from his pocket, and huh, he would have never guessed it to be an actual piece of paper when he got it. He took one look at the paper, one look at the name, one look at his brother, and throws the piece of paper into the flames, watching as it burns up, as the white piece of Dean Winchester’s soul shoot up into the sky and then back down into him. He clenched his stomach, trying to hold all of the blood in, trying his hardest to make sure he doesn’t fade, but he knows that it won’t work forever, that soon his body will be void of any blood and he’ll be sent back into hell. But he’d be going back without anything to stop him, he’d be going back, and he’d probably be lost forever. Looking over at his brother, he notices that his father is next to him, checking Dean over for any scratches. When John looks up, he does it with gratitude.
“Thank you. I guess we really could have trusted you,” He whispers, clenching Dean tight, a small smile placed on his lips. Sam can only nod back, not as himself, but as Kyle, because it hurts too much, knowing that John thinks everything is okay, when he’s here, slowly dying.
“You really did save me from dying. Why? Who are you man, and fuck, why the hell would you truly save me from something that awful?” Sam sighs, looks over to his brother, feels the light fading from his eyes and struggles to keep it. He licks his lips, bites his lip and looks away from his brother and to Ammolite and Miles.
“Azazel basically told you who they were,” he says, nodding to the other two demons.
“Ammolite is really Ruby Singer, Unc -- Bobby’s daughter. Miles is Jo’s brother, Ash. They were my best friends when we died.” He whispers, finally looking at Dean. Dean nods his head, but bites his lip.
“I’m more curious about who you are though.” He replies, straightening his back against the same wall that Sam had his against.
“If you seriously don’t know Dean, then you’re more clueless than I thought.” That was Ellen, fresh tears sliding down her cheeks, overlapping the ones that were left there earlier from watching her only daughter be mauled by the creatures of hell, watching her only daughter go to hell. It was a heart-wrenching event, and she would never wish for any kind of parent to watch something like that.
“What do you mean, Ellen?” That was John, his voice hoarse, like he had been screaming for a long time, even though Sam doesn’t recall hearing his father making much noise at all on this day. His eyes are wet though and Sam cannot help but feel confused. Ellen sighs, looking over to him and then crouching next to him.
“You’ve been so brave, sweetie.” She whispers, running her hands through his hair, and he’s not going to lie, it feels truly good. He bites his lip, whimpering a little at the touch, something he had never felt once in his life, something that felt so soft.
“To brave hell at such a young age all by yourself while still believing that you’ll be saved; even after five years. Then, you had such a huge, daunting task; saving the one you love from a similar fate.” She kisses his forehead, and he can’t help but sigh and nod his head, tears falling even more now.
He hears Azazel chuckle, then say, “Ain’t that right Sammy?
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