Two Roads Diverged : Chapter 9

[icedteainthebag]

Title: Two Roads Diverged (9/10)
Author: icedteainthebag
Word Count: 34,420
Rating: MA
Pairings: John Cavil/Ellen Tigh, Ellen Tigh/Saul Tigh, Laura Roslin/Bill Adama
Warnings: Dubcon, physical violence
Summary: Sometimes we make mistakes when we think we're doing the right thing.
Notes: See Chapter One, but specific thanks on this chapter go to meryl_edan and larsfarm77.
Artist: MrsDrJackson

Comments

[icedteainthebag]

Thank you... ♥

Finding someone else and FRAKKING someone else are two different things.
You hit the nail on the head.

Ouch - is it guilt? I’m curious as to what’s driving her here.
I think she's still facing a lot of denial, and minimizing her own suffering through focusing on Tigh's is a way of lessening the emotional impact of her pain so she can move forward. She's already compartmentalizing this experience. Guilt, maybe, though I see it more as a coping mechanism.

Laura’s generally been one to be fine being mental rather than physical combatant. It’s hard to imagine her getting to this place.
The place where she wants to kill Cylons? The place where she's beating herself up mentally?

And yeah, smooth move, Galen. Frakker.

Thanks again for reading and responding, this is so interesting and I love deconstructing these little scenes with you. ♥

[icedteainthebag]

I think what I'll say here is that Laura hasn't been put into a lot of situations in which her physical strength has been challenged. I think the beating affected her in a lot of ways, one of which was making her face one rare time that she was unable to protect herself adequately, because the assailant was using physical, and not verbal, means. And I think that she's more likely to blame herself for not being "strong enough" than acknowledge that she was in a losing fight from the beginning, against a machine.

Am I addressing your point now?

Is it realistic for someone who's been physically abused to then blame themselves for being physically weak, and therefore unable to protect herself? I think the mind goes there when trying to assign responsibility. Interested in your opinion if you want to keep going on this avenue of thought. :)

[icedteainthebag]

Yes. It makes sense. We're making sense to each other!

I think that would have been a very interesting perspective to work into the story here (I'm already working in Laura's head to develop the thoughts surrounding her blame, I've been doing this for so long now, I need to stop). It makes a lot of sense for Laura to look back at the events that caused her to be in that situation in the first place, and not just the situation at hand.

I love these discussions... they remind me that there are so many ways a story can go. ♥

[samcasey]

I see it more as a coping mechanism.

Like shes trying to make it seem like it wasnt as horrible as it really was?

[icedteainthebag]

Yeah... I think it's a tendency for some abuse victims to minimize their ordeals because it makes it easier for them to recover from them. That it could always have been worse.

[larsfarm77]

Obviously couldn't defend herself. Obviously needs to be taken care of

Laura’s generally been one to be fine being mental rather than physical combatant. It’s hard to imagine her getting to this place.

Oooh, you really got me thinking..

Laura *has* endured extreme physical weakness during her first bout with cancer. What the disease did to her body was completely out of her control, which I think was a devastating thing for Laura especially, because control is something that she's clung to for a long time. Even an affair provides that. Her bullying Starbuck and Adama, taking on the mantle of religious leader, forcing herself to walk unforgiving miles on Kobol -- it was all her way of wielding some sort of control over her destiny, over her disease, AND she was successfulOn New Caprica, she has no position, no experience with the guerilla tactics necessary to resist, and for all her attempts to appeal to the humanity of the guard in her cell, is left bruised and broken on the floor. Refusing to take chemo the first time around

[icedteainthebag]

Control... oh, Laura, that's what it's really all about, isn't it? She can blame physical weakness, or how she got there in the first place, but wow... how crazy must this have driven her in that she couldn't control both what happened to her and the aftermath that everyone had to have noticed?

Some really good points here, (((Lars))). Always appreciate your perspective on Laura's NC pain. :)