Looming Along
It is just shy of 8:30 am, as I plop my butt, into the rickety old chair (which I know will one day BREAK under my weight), and begin this post. It is a bright day, outside. Golden with sunlight. Sunshine, I can deal with. After all, who doesn't love a nice, sunny day?
The humidity, on the other hand...well. It just sucks! I am currently in a white tank top, and gym shorts, and even that is too much. I look like I have entered into a wet tee-shirt contest. Oh...DAMN the humidity!!!
Welcome to California...The state that knows only TWO seasons-Summer, and Winter.
Anyway...
So...
Yesterday's post. Well, what can I say? First of all, I would like to thank all of you, who read (and responded). There was such an overwhelming display, of support, being written back to me, that all day long, I felt...well, loved!
I wasn't too sure, about writing yesterday's post. I sat down, in front of the computer, and I thought to myself: 'People come to read about yarn...about my adventures, with hook, loom, and needle. They come to read about my recovery, which I write often of. But, why on earth, would ANY of my readers care to read about THIS?'
The truth of the matter. I wasn't expecting ANY comments, on yesterday's post. Or, if comments were written, I was expecting them to read something like 'hey...just go back to writing about the yarn, Michael.' I wrote yesterday's entry, FOR ME! I knew, as I began it, that it would be less than easy, to write about. It would be stressful, and upsetting. Tears fell from my eyes, just as I expected they would. But, I knew that in writing about it, I could free myself (at least a little bit.) To me, writing about it, almost removed the shame, from my shoulders...just a little bit. It took away some of that whole 'helpless victim' state of being. Writing about it, gave me the opportunity to take control, FINALLY!
And the comments, you all left. Well, what can I say? Thank you, a million times over! Support. Love. Compassion. That is what was sent my way. And, I am so VERY appreciative.
Ok...
Let's switch gears here.
After writing my post, yesterday, I allowed myself a short little breakdown. Then, when I was sure that the tears had STOPPED, I moved on, with my day. I grabbed my craft bag, and made my way outside. I set my bag, on the bistro table, on the porch, where I would get to it, soon enough.
First...A little meditation.
I sat in front of my (rather impressive, if I do say so, myself!) porch garden, on the mat, I have neatly placed on the wooden panels. I closed my eyes, and allowed my mind to go completely quiet. I felt a little breath of wind, wash over me. (Let me tell you...Meditation is, in my life, A NECESSITY!)
When I opened my eyes, Lo' and Behold...A butterfly, sitting on the white clay pot, which holds mint.
I grabbed my walker, and climbed up, to my feet. I made my way, to the bistro, and sat down in one of the sturdy black chairs.
I pulled out my supplies: the blue loom (with my panel-in-progress, hanging from it), my knitting pick (which has a purple handle on it...my FAVORITE color!), a pen, and my paper, where I check off, when I complete each row.
And, I got to work!
You know, it is kind of funny. I am not (normally) a person, who can deal with monotony. (Gee...This is no new revelation, is it?) The 'same-old, same-old' will normally DRIVE ME CRAZY! (Funny...How I also am not a big fan, of tedious, changing things.) Under normal circumstances, I will get so far, doing something the same old way, before I break out, into a cursing frenzy. I will throw my hands in the air, and BEG for a change.
But, this project...The panels. All I am doing, as you know, is one little stitch. Over, and over, and over again. I am just knitting over, row after row.
But you know what? This project isn't stressing me. Not really. I mean, sure, there are times where I get a bit aggravated by it. But, I am not going into the typical 'Michael-Meltdown-Mode.'
And yesterday, as I sat in that chair, and knitted over...It was SOOTHING! It was peaceful. I wasn't cursing, or freaking out. I was smiling, the whole damned time.
I don't know if it was because of the post, freeing me a little bit. Or, maybe it was the time I spent, meditating. Or, maybe I was just ready to work with yarn. Whatever it was, I was happy! I was looming away, knitting over stitch, after stitch...and I was humming.
I allowed my mind, to once again, daydream. As I worked on the panel, I once again, imagined my mother, and the finished product. This daydream was a little bit more realistic. She did not 'oooh and ahhh' endlessly, over the blanket (as she did in my last daydream.) Nope! I just had this clear image, in my mind. My family was watching Jeopardy, in the living room. My mom was on the red couch, and wrapped around her, the Old Glory Blanket. The blanket that I made...JUST FOR HER!
And, then, as I sat there, looming away, another thought popped into my head.
Maybe we may not be able to keep this house. Maybe the money will run out, and we will have to leave. And, yeah...it would suck. But, be it in this house, or somewhere else...In a short time from now, my mother will have a blanket, I made for her. She will be able to use a blanket, that I made, with love. It may not be much...a rather small thing, in fact. But, it is the best thing I can offer up. My time, and love. The hours, that go into making something.
Surely, that has to count, for something...Right?
Yesterday evening, just before coming in to take a bath, I finished the panel. 5 panels, are now finished. I have one more white panel, to do (which I will start today). Then, so long white.
I will try to get out tomorrow, to buy the red yarn, I am going to need.
I placed the panel, in my craft bag. I went, and watered all my plants. I collected some more mint, and rosemary, to use for another COMPLETELY relaxing bath.
And, bath time began.
I got out, put on PJ's.
I thought about doing a granny square. But, I never got around to it.
I went to bed, at an early time. (Hey...the post took a lot out of me.)
This morning, I woke up, with a smile on my face. I had clarity.
Sure, shit happens. Yeah...I had a bad thing, happen to me. And yes...I will probably have bad memories of it, that overwhelm me, in the future. But, I also have so much good things. A family who (apart from the one 'bad apple'), love me, unconditionally. I am walking...a joy in itself. I have my yarn, and talents I never thought I would have. I have this blog, which I LOVE writing in. I have you guys, who always make my day. I have my garden...a simple cheer.
It is going to be a GREAT day. The calm, after the storm, which was yesterday's post.
So...
I am going to go have me a very big bowl of cereal, and will start my day.
First, I will work a square, for my sister's birthday blanket.
Then, meditation in front of my porch garden.
Some time working on the last white panel. (I am so thrilled, to be working the final white panel. It makes the end of this project, seem so close.)
Then, some garden time. Pulling up weeds, and planting seeds.
Some more loom time.
A bath...
And, sleep.
A perfect plan, for a great day, if you ask me.
Happy looming, everyone. And, thanks again!
The humidity, on the other hand...well. It just sucks! I am currently in a white tank top, and gym shorts, and even that is too much. I look like I have entered into a wet tee-shirt contest. Oh...DAMN the humidity!!!
Welcome to California...The state that knows only TWO seasons-Summer, and Winter.
Anyway...
So...
Yesterday's post. Well, what can I say? First of all, I would like to thank all of you, who read (and responded). There was such an overwhelming display, of support, being written back to me, that all day long, I felt...well, loved!
I wasn't too sure, about writing yesterday's post. I sat down, in front of the computer, and I thought to myself: 'People come to read about yarn...about my adventures, with hook, loom, and needle. They come to read about my recovery, which I write often of. But, why on earth, would ANY of my readers care to read about THIS?'
The truth of the matter. I wasn't expecting ANY comments, on yesterday's post. Or, if comments were written, I was expecting them to read something like 'hey...just go back to writing about the yarn, Michael.' I wrote yesterday's entry, FOR ME! I knew, as I began it, that it would be less than easy, to write about. It would be stressful, and upsetting. Tears fell from my eyes, just as I expected they would. But, I knew that in writing about it, I could free myself (at least a little bit.) To me, writing about it, almost removed the shame, from my shoulders...just a little bit. It took away some of that whole 'helpless victim' state of being. Writing about it, gave me the opportunity to take control, FINALLY!
And the comments, you all left. Well, what can I say? Thank you, a million times over! Support. Love. Compassion. That is what was sent my way. And, I am so VERY appreciative.
Ok...
Let's switch gears here.
After writing my post, yesterday, I allowed myself a short little breakdown. Then, when I was sure that the tears had STOPPED, I moved on, with my day. I grabbed my craft bag, and made my way outside. I set my bag, on the bistro table, on the porch, where I would get to it, soon enough.
First...A little meditation.
I sat in front of my (rather impressive, if I do say so, myself!) porch garden, on the mat, I have neatly placed on the wooden panels. I closed my eyes, and allowed my mind to go completely quiet. I felt a little breath of wind, wash over me. (Let me tell you...Meditation is, in my life, A NECESSITY!)
When I opened my eyes, Lo' and Behold...A butterfly, sitting on the white clay pot, which holds mint.
I grabbed my walker, and climbed up, to my feet. I made my way, to the bistro, and sat down in one of the sturdy black chairs.
I pulled out my supplies: the blue loom (with my panel-in-progress, hanging from it), my knitting pick (which has a purple handle on it...my FAVORITE color!), a pen, and my paper, where I check off, when I complete each row.
And, I got to work!
You know, it is kind of funny. I am not (normally) a person, who can deal with monotony. (Gee...This is no new revelation, is it?) The 'same-old, same-old' will normally DRIVE ME CRAZY! (Funny...How I also am not a big fan, of tedious, changing things.) Under normal circumstances, I will get so far, doing something the same old way, before I break out, into a cursing frenzy. I will throw my hands in the air, and BEG for a change.
But, this project...The panels. All I am doing, as you know, is one little stitch. Over, and over, and over again. I am just knitting over, row after row.
But you know what? This project isn't stressing me. Not really. I mean, sure, there are times where I get a bit aggravated by it. But, I am not going into the typical 'Michael-Meltdown-Mode.'
And yesterday, as I sat in that chair, and knitted over...It was SOOTHING! It was peaceful. I wasn't cursing, or freaking out. I was smiling, the whole damned time.
I don't know if it was because of the post, freeing me a little bit. Or, maybe it was the time I spent, meditating. Or, maybe I was just ready to work with yarn. Whatever it was, I was happy! I was looming away, knitting over stitch, after stitch...and I was humming.
I allowed my mind, to once again, daydream. As I worked on the panel, I once again, imagined my mother, and the finished product. This daydream was a little bit more realistic. She did not 'oooh and ahhh' endlessly, over the blanket (as she did in my last daydream.) Nope! I just had this clear image, in my mind. My family was watching Jeopardy, in the living room. My mom was on the red couch, and wrapped around her, the Old Glory Blanket. The blanket that I made...JUST FOR HER!
And, then, as I sat there, looming away, another thought popped into my head.
Maybe we may not be able to keep this house. Maybe the money will run out, and we will have to leave. And, yeah...it would suck. But, be it in this house, or somewhere else...In a short time from now, my mother will have a blanket, I made for her. She will be able to use a blanket, that I made, with love. It may not be much...a rather small thing, in fact. But, it is the best thing I can offer up. My time, and love. The hours, that go into making something.
Surely, that has to count, for something...Right?
Yesterday evening, just before coming in to take a bath, I finished the panel. 5 panels, are now finished. I have one more white panel, to do (which I will start today). Then, so long white.
I will try to get out tomorrow, to buy the red yarn, I am going to need.
I placed the panel, in my craft bag. I went, and watered all my plants. I collected some more mint, and rosemary, to use for another COMPLETELY relaxing bath.
And, bath time began.
I got out, put on PJ's.
I thought about doing a granny square. But, I never got around to it.
I went to bed, at an early time. (Hey...the post took a lot out of me.)
This morning, I woke up, with a smile on my face. I had clarity.
Sure, shit happens. Yeah...I had a bad thing, happen to me. And yes...I will probably have bad memories of it, that overwhelm me, in the future. But, I also have so much good things. A family who (apart from the one 'bad apple'), love me, unconditionally. I am walking...a joy in itself. I have my yarn, and talents I never thought I would have. I have this blog, which I LOVE writing in. I have you guys, who always make my day. I have my garden...a simple cheer.
It is going to be a GREAT day. The calm, after the storm, which was yesterday's post.
So...
I am going to go have me a very big bowl of cereal, and will start my day.
First, I will work a square, for my sister's birthday blanket.
Then, meditation in front of my porch garden.
Some time working on the last white panel. (I am so thrilled, to be working the final white panel. It makes the end of this project, seem so close.)
Then, some garden time. Pulling up weeds, and planting seeds.
Some more loom time.
A bath...
And, sleep.
A perfect plan, for a great day, if you ask me.
Happy looming, everyone. And, thanks again!