Feeling Betrayed, & Finishing
I am sure you will remember my prediction, that yesterday was going to be a bad day. When writing yesterday's entry, things weren't looking all that great. Everyone was on 'pins and needles', in the Leach home.
I finished my blog, and figured that I could make the best of the day.
Then, my mom told me a bit of news.
I am CRUSHED! Beyond crushed, actually.
My dream was extinguished, yesterday. I was completely betrayed, by my uncle. Now, well...though I will maintain a civil attitude (or, at least, try my very best to), I find that I am BARELY able to look at my uncle.
I am sure you are wondering what I am talking about.
Well...
You will remember the scooter. How can you not? It has been on my mind, each and every day. I had this mental countdown, ticking away the days, until I would be riding around, on that scooter. Come the end of this month, it would be mine. I would have freedom, to go where I wanted, when I wanted. I had allowed myself to imagine every FANTASTIC detail, of owning the scooter.
"Michael, I need to talk with you." My mom had this tone. I knew whatever she had to tell me, it was not good.
I cannot remember the whole thing, word for word, so I will paraphrase.
My uncle told my mother that he felt he was being taken advantage of, in the amount of rent he owes. (His gives more money than I do. But, he needs full time care. We cook for him, clean for him, and do day to day EVERYTHING, for him.)Basically, he told her that if I got this scooter, he wold not continue to pay her, the rent that he is currently giving. He believes that if I have money, rather than using it on myself, to buy this scooter, it should go to the house.
So...There it is. Just like that. My mom told me that we will still TRY to get it, but on some level, I know. I won't be getting it. Because of him...of his manipulations, I will not get the scooter.
I feel completely BETRAYED! I look at him, and I just want to ask, "how could you? Don't I DESERVE this?"
And, he still expects me to make his lunch, and be super nice to him. I will, because I know my mom would want me to. But, I can't help but write this. I LOATHE HIM!
After hearing this, I felt empty.
"I understand." I didn't really, but I needed to tell my mom something. She looked awful, as she told me this, and I knew I had to say something, to make her feel better, about it.
She left the house, as planned.
And, I went to my room. I cried. It may seem stupid. It may seem childish. But, I let the tears fall.
15 minutes later, I was able to compose myself. And, because my mom needed me to, I went, and made lunch, for the uncle that had ripped away my dream.
"Lunch." That was all I said, when I was done. I then grabbed my craft bag, from the side of the chaise. He headed to the kitchen to eat, and I, with my bag in hand, went into my room, and closed the door, behind me.
I started working on the lion. I worked the tail, which only took a couple of minutes.
But, that was not enough. I wanted to crochet, more.
So...
I finished the Amigurumi Lion, yesterday.
Yarn is a funny thing, isn't it?
On days when I am generally happy, I can go to crochet, and it will stress me out, immensely. But, on days when I feel like everything is FALLING APART, the act of creating a little Amigurumi Lion, can be such a calming thing.
Tears poured from my eyes, once again, as I stitched on the eyes, and embroidered the nose. The mental countdown, in my head, stopped ticking altogether, as I stitched the front of the body, to the back, and filled it with fiberfill.
I stitched the arms, and legs on. I stitched the ears on.
I worked the mane. (By the way...The pattern says that to work the mane, you only do one SINGLE row, of sc, using the fun fur yarn. After doing this, I decided that it was not a thick enough mane. So, I worked 4 more rows of sc, using the fun fur.)
It was just after 4 pm, when I finished the lion. I held it in my hands, and looked at it. The wiggly little eyes stared up at me. The fun fur mane blew around, from the wind, that was coming from the ceiling fan.
It was the first time, since my mom spoke with me, that morning, that I smiled.
I had created this. It was my first amigurumi project, and it turned out, looking so friggin cute. And, it was the last project, of the crochet part, of The Yarn Project. I had finished it! I have SUCCESSFULLY finished part one, of The Yarn Project, with weeks to spare!
So, here it is...My little Amigurumi Lion. I am sorry for the sideways picture. But, the office computer is being a pain in the butt, and won't let me rotate the picture.
Enjoy.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/theyarnproject/5370630442/
My mom arrived home, about 20 minutes later. She knocked on my door. She came in.
"Honey. I am so sorry."
"It's ok." The truth was, it wasn't. It wasn't ok. But, it wasn't her fault. Why should I make her feel bad, over something that was not her fault? "It just wasn't meant to be, I guess."
"We will still try, I swear."
I said nothing. I was lost for words. So, I settled for showing her the lion, which she loved. She came, and sat on the bed, where I myself was parked. She had brought two beers. And there, on the bed, we sat, drinking them.
Today, she tells me she wants to go scouting the back roads. This was the plan. Before I got the scooter, we were going to do this. And, I don't want to make her feel bad. I KNOW I am not getting the scooter. She knows it, too. But, she wants to go on, doing all the planning, as if I was getting it. So, I will let her.
And, I will do my best to be the 'bigger man.' I will try to keep a civil nature, around my uncle. It is always better to be kind. You can kill em, with kindness. Isn't that the saying?
Well...
Today, I may crochet, or I may not.
I may just take a break.
I am not sure.
Happy crocheting!
I finished my blog, and figured that I could make the best of the day.
Then, my mom told me a bit of news.
I am CRUSHED! Beyond crushed, actually.
My dream was extinguished, yesterday. I was completely betrayed, by my uncle. Now, well...though I will maintain a civil attitude (or, at least, try my very best to), I find that I am BARELY able to look at my uncle.
I am sure you are wondering what I am talking about.
Well...
You will remember the scooter. How can you not? It has been on my mind, each and every day. I had this mental countdown, ticking away the days, until I would be riding around, on that scooter. Come the end of this month, it would be mine. I would have freedom, to go where I wanted, when I wanted. I had allowed myself to imagine every FANTASTIC detail, of owning the scooter.
"Michael, I need to talk with you." My mom had this tone. I knew whatever she had to tell me, it was not good.
I cannot remember the whole thing, word for word, so I will paraphrase.
My uncle told my mother that he felt he was being taken advantage of, in the amount of rent he owes. (His gives more money than I do. But, he needs full time care. We cook for him, clean for him, and do day to day EVERYTHING, for him.)Basically, he told her that if I got this scooter, he wold not continue to pay her, the rent that he is currently giving. He believes that if I have money, rather than using it on myself, to buy this scooter, it should go to the house.
So...There it is. Just like that. My mom told me that we will still TRY to get it, but on some level, I know. I won't be getting it. Because of him...of his manipulations, I will not get the scooter.
I feel completely BETRAYED! I look at him, and I just want to ask, "how could you? Don't I DESERVE this?"
And, he still expects me to make his lunch, and be super nice to him. I will, because I know my mom would want me to. But, I can't help but write this. I LOATHE HIM!
After hearing this, I felt empty.
"I understand." I didn't really, but I needed to tell my mom something. She looked awful, as she told me this, and I knew I had to say something, to make her feel better, about it.
She left the house, as planned.
And, I went to my room. I cried. It may seem stupid. It may seem childish. But, I let the tears fall.
15 minutes later, I was able to compose myself. And, because my mom needed me to, I went, and made lunch, for the uncle that had ripped away my dream.
"Lunch." That was all I said, when I was done. I then grabbed my craft bag, from the side of the chaise. He headed to the kitchen to eat, and I, with my bag in hand, went into my room, and closed the door, behind me.
I started working on the lion. I worked the tail, which only took a couple of minutes.
But, that was not enough. I wanted to crochet, more.
So...
I finished the Amigurumi Lion, yesterday.
Yarn is a funny thing, isn't it?
On days when I am generally happy, I can go to crochet, and it will stress me out, immensely. But, on days when I feel like everything is FALLING APART, the act of creating a little Amigurumi Lion, can be such a calming thing.
Tears poured from my eyes, once again, as I stitched on the eyes, and embroidered the nose. The mental countdown, in my head, stopped ticking altogether, as I stitched the front of the body, to the back, and filled it with fiberfill.
I stitched the arms, and legs on. I stitched the ears on.
I worked the mane. (By the way...The pattern says that to work the mane, you only do one SINGLE row, of sc, using the fun fur yarn. After doing this, I decided that it was not a thick enough mane. So, I worked 4 more rows of sc, using the fun fur.)
It was just after 4 pm, when I finished the lion. I held it in my hands, and looked at it. The wiggly little eyes stared up at me. The fun fur mane blew around, from the wind, that was coming from the ceiling fan.
It was the first time, since my mom spoke with me, that morning, that I smiled.
I had created this. It was my first amigurumi project, and it turned out, looking so friggin cute. And, it was the last project, of the crochet part, of The Yarn Project. I had finished it! I have SUCCESSFULLY finished part one, of The Yarn Project, with weeks to spare!
So, here it is...My little Amigurumi Lion. I am sorry for the sideways picture. But, the office computer is being a pain in the butt, and won't let me rotate the picture.
Enjoy.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/theyarnproject/5370630442/
My mom arrived home, about 20 minutes later. She knocked on my door. She came in.
"Honey. I am so sorry."
"It's ok." The truth was, it wasn't. It wasn't ok. But, it wasn't her fault. Why should I make her feel bad, over something that was not her fault? "It just wasn't meant to be, I guess."
"We will still try, I swear."
I said nothing. I was lost for words. So, I settled for showing her the lion, which she loved. She came, and sat on the bed, where I myself was parked. She had brought two beers. And there, on the bed, we sat, drinking them.
Today, she tells me she wants to go scouting the back roads. This was the plan. Before I got the scooter, we were going to do this. And, I don't want to make her feel bad. I KNOW I am not getting the scooter. She knows it, too. But, she wants to go on, doing all the planning, as if I was getting it. So, I will let her.
And, I will do my best to be the 'bigger man.' I will try to keep a civil nature, around my uncle. It is always better to be kind. You can kill em, with kindness. Isn't that the saying?
Well...
Today, I may crochet, or I may not.
I may just take a break.
I am not sure.
Happy crocheting!