Control
I was checking my email and thought I should update - it's theraputic.
Considered giving Sara her own Twitter blog, changed my mind. She would've liked it, but doesn't seem to much care either way.
Both she and Miss Emily really dislike what I'm doing to the body they have to live in. They would prefer to be slim and blonde and I keep eating doughnuts all the time. They're trying to get me to exercise and eat better, and I guess I really can't argue with that. I'd like to have a trim figure and clear skin and neat hair, I just don't have the time for it. I know I have control issues and I'm afraid to let either of them take over body maintenance, so they'll just have to stew and keep bugging me to get in shape.
The aforementioned control issues are definitely a legacy of Ellen. She scared me, really scared me. I got rid of her by asserting control over my life and since then I have been reluctant to cede any of that. It manifests itself in the way I withhold information from people unnecessarily, starting little projects or making plans and not telling anyone because I'm afraid they'll tell me not to do it. It drives Trey crazy, and I have gotten better about it but I still do it.
Also, when I let Maria take over that was all about completely ceding control - not just to her but to whomever she was allowing to control her at the time. I'm ashamed of some of the things I did during the Maria-influenced period, and I want to stay in control of my body so I don't do stupid things like that any more.
So I worry about letting Sara or Miss Emily handle my diet and exercise. I know they'd probably do a better job than I am, but I think that on this they're just going to have to let me take the lead.
Considered giving Sara her own Twitter blog, changed my mind. She would've liked it, but doesn't seem to much care either way.
Both she and Miss Emily really dislike what I'm doing to the body they have to live in. They would prefer to be slim and blonde and I keep eating doughnuts all the time. They're trying to get me to exercise and eat better, and I guess I really can't argue with that. I'd like to have a trim figure and clear skin and neat hair, I just don't have the time for it. I know I have control issues and I'm afraid to let either of them take over body maintenance, so they'll just have to stew and keep bugging me to get in shape.
The aforementioned control issues are definitely a legacy of Ellen. She scared me, really scared me. I got rid of her by asserting control over my life and since then I have been reluctant to cede any of that. It manifests itself in the way I withhold information from people unnecessarily, starting little projects or making plans and not telling anyone because I'm afraid they'll tell me not to do it. It drives Trey crazy, and I have gotten better about it but I still do it.
Also, when I let Maria take over that was all about completely ceding control - not just to her but to whomever she was allowing to control her at the time. I'm ashamed of some of the things I did during the Maria-influenced period, and I want to stay in control of my body so I don't do stupid things like that any more.
So I worry about letting Sara or Miss Emily handle my diet and exercise. I know they'd probably do a better job than I am, but I think that on this they're just going to have to let me take the lead.