:|
I guess it’s about time I sit down and update this thing.
I’ve had plenty to say, but most of it’s just gripeing about junk that’s going on, nothing really positive. I’m sure most of you are tired of hearing me complain about things.
Honestly, I’m not sure where to begin. I’m in a deep depression, something that I haven’t had in a very long time. My Dr. increased my meds a few months ago, and I’m seriously wondering if that has something to do with it. I’m feel completely hopeless, sad, worried, and I don’t want to have anything to do with any one. I don’t want to leave the house, I don’t want to cook, clean, and some days even get out of bed. There was one day that I seriously slept/was in bed for 20 hours. All I want to do is sleep. I have no motivation. The house is a mess, and it’s seriously dirty to the point where it’s embarassing. Thankfully we don’t have any friends to worry about coming over. We still haven’t unpacked, and the living room is wall to wall boxes/furniture. I have to clean the old ferret room so we can get the boxes moved up there, but I want nothing to do with it. I cut my meds back to where they were before they were increased, so I’m hoping that in the next few weeks things will start looking better.
Of course that are several other issues that are feeding my depression. First, Jon’s sick again. He’s getting debilitating migraines that are causing him to miss a lot of work. I’m talking 2-3 days/week. He’s completely out of vacation time and personal time this month. Not to mention he’s needed to have several MRI’s to find out what’s going on, and we don’t currently have insurance. We’ve already received one bill for his first MRI and that was almost $6,000. The bill for the second MRI should be coming any day now, and due to the type of MRI, it’s going to be even more. So in the matter of 3 weeks, we now have over $12,000 in Dr/Hospital bills. And at this point, they still don’t know what’s wrong.
Next, my job at the hotel. It’s really sucking the life out of me. We have some great guests, some that are very nice, friendly and are overall pleasant. Then there are the asshole’s. These are mainly the drunks on the weekends that I have to deal with. Rude, beligerant, complete fools. People who think that if they’re nasty and mean that they’ll get what they want. What ever happened to treating others like you want to be treated? Of course, then there are my co-workers as well. Being that I work Audit, I find all of the mistakes that are made during the day and it’s my job to correct them before I transition to the new day. That’s ok, because I have a high attention to detail when it comes to stuff like that. What I’m not ok with, however, is when they make mistakes that don’t affect me (per se) but affect the guests. Then said guests takes out their frustrations on me. I understand why the guests do, because I’m the only one there, and I’m sure I would do the same thing if I was in their shoes, but it’s very deflating. Getting constantly yelled at about things that are out of your control, that you had nothing do with, really bothers me. I know I shouldn’t take it personally, but with the state that I’m in now, it’s making things much worse. I’ve voiced my concerns to my manager, she tells me she understands, but I feel like I’m still not being heard. I was so close to quitting after last weekends fiasco that I started writing my resignation letter on Monday. While I was writing, I realized that as much as I HATE it right now, I can’t quit. Not with Jon missing work and thousands of $$’s of medical bills coming in. I can’t quit until I have something else. So I put in a couple of applications today. The only downside is that I’ll most likely have to work twice as many hours to make was I was making in the 2 days at the hotel. I just hope the stress level with be significantly reduced and I might actually get a chance to work with some adults.
I was really hoping that moving back to FR would be a good thing. So far I feel like I’m constantly being crapped on.
Unfortunately there is nothing positive going on. I so wish there was tho. I hate feeling like this.
Originally published at www.theworldofhelen.com. You can comment here or there.