fuck alma

[thewiryirishman]

back in alma for a few days, not really by choice, mostly becuase of parental pressure. had some bank stuff to take care of for tuition and whatnot, but it wasn't really a big deal. i forget how much i hate this place when i manage to stay away for a few months. not just living at home again, but this whole town. its such a wasteland. the people here are so fucking full of themselves, always thinking who they are and what they're doing is so much more important than it is, and never realizing that they live in a pissant little asscrack of a town that's done nothing and means nothing. And the people here are so idiotic, too, in every possible way. i was in town for no more than two hours today running errands, and in that short a time i was still completely astounded at just how mindlessly dumb people are here... everywhere, almost everyone i came across. i can't pick up the town paper becuase the idiocy is revolting. everything about this town is revolting to me, and it makes me so glad i'll never be here for any extended amoutn of time ever again. just being in this down depresses me. now that i'm here i can't stop thinking about how i'll never live here again, then thinking about what that means with all the friends i have... or had... here. i'm really having to accept the fact that there's a very strong possibility that i may not see any of them again. i spend all my time in indiana, and i'm not close enough with anyone in alma that they'd drive five hours to see me, or close enough to anyone that they'd plan a time that i could come stay with them. that's something you'd do for someone you missed... i don't think i'm missed by anyone here. hell, i don't even know if people here think about me anymore, or if they'd even recognize me on the street (i do look a lot different now). what pains me most is how i've lost touch with kate. all my other friends here are expendable really, she's the only one that really knew me all that well. i don't know when the last time i talked to her was, and if you're reading this, kate, i still think about you, and from time to time i'll pick up my phone or start an email to you, but it'll just sit there blank becuase i can't think of anyting to say that you'd be interested in hearing. we've grown apart so much... i've changed a lot, even though it may not show much on the outside, and you've taken your life in a direction different from when i knew you well. you're motivated, working two jobs, at least you were the last i knew, you're busy, you have ambition and friends and all sorts of stuff... i'm pretty much the opposite, i'm shaping my life finally into something i like, which entails avoiding all unneccesary work, making free time for myself no matter what, and acheiving acedeimic success through mental focus with as little work as possible. i don't really do anything, nor have the desire to... i'm kinda just sitting in a lawn chair with my hookah making fun of life as it passes me by. a life like that doesn't give me much to talk about that anyone not involved in it would be interested in. i'd really like to see you again some time, but i don't know if we can... i'll only be in alma for breaks in school, and you're always so busy... even if we do find time, i'm afraid it will be awkward, i don't really do anything, my great bringer-together of people, my huge social crutch, the hookah, isn't something that you do... and i don't know how well someone like me would fit into your life. i seem to caustic. i don't know. i'm getting too tired to think properly, and i gotta get up tomorrow and get my splendid car refixed and whatnot, then head back to lafayette after diiner. the drive will be nice. i'll have some free time, maybe i'll try to give you a call, kate, and see if you can hang out. its a long shot, but i figure i shouldn't come to alma without trying.

i'm off to watch some mst3k before i pass out. night all.