A Late Thanksgiving Musing
I long for the time to sit down and post something thought-provoking and insightful. The truth is I don't have anything profound or interesting going on in my life.
My life is undergoing tremendous transformation. I have reached the highest high ground that I never knew existed in my wildest dreams. It has come at a tremendous cost to my quality of life, but knowing that it's only temporary helps a great deal. I have finally come to understand that today isn't forever, so I'm able soldier on with the knowledge that this difficult time is only temporary.
I am staying fully present in the world and in myself, enjoying every moment that is now, burning it all into my memory. I know I will look back on this time as something very special. I've been in this place before; a place where I knew life was beautiful and one day the shape of things would change and I would be something and someplace else.
I'm thinking about a time about 20 years ago. I was leaving work on a snowy night. I had a good job. My financial situation was stable. I was married - happily at the time - had a beautiful daughter that I adored, a job that was fullfilling and paid okay money, and lived in a nice house that was toasty and warm. I had quit smoking and was going to aerobics several times a week so I felt great physically. I got to my car and my car door was frozen shut. The only way I could get into the car was to open the hatch and crawl through the back. But I remember thinking how at another moment in time I would be cursing my situation and feeling sorry for myself for having to crawl through the car in a skirt. Instead I remember thinking that in light of everything in my life being so wonderful, that it really was not a big deal. I could laugh at the absurd place I found myself, enjoy the serenity of a fresh snowfall, the silence of a world fast asleep and the knowledge that in less than 10 minutes I'd be home and all was well.
I was right. That moment in my life was a happy time and I've had many ups and downs since then. It still seems strange to me now that I knew that was a great moment and I should savor the happiness and joy I felt.
And so it is now. I don't have a lot of free time right now but everything else in my life is better than I ever imagined and I'm hanging onto the goodness that I have. Someday I'll have nothing but time and I'll wish I could feel useful and productive again. Someday I'll have a mean boss who nitpicks and micromanages everything and I'll wish I had a nice boss who was happy I didn't kill my patient and leave it at that. Someday my body will break down and I'll wish I could just get up and do whatever I feel like doing for as long as I feel like doing it.
I'm tired, but I'm thankful.
My life is undergoing tremendous transformation. I have reached the highest high ground that I never knew existed in my wildest dreams. It has come at a tremendous cost to my quality of life, but knowing that it's only temporary helps a great deal. I have finally come to understand that today isn't forever, so I'm able soldier on with the knowledge that this difficult time is only temporary.
I am staying fully present in the world and in myself, enjoying every moment that is now, burning it all into my memory. I know I will look back on this time as something very special. I've been in this place before; a place where I knew life was beautiful and one day the shape of things would change and I would be something and someplace else.
I'm thinking about a time about 20 years ago. I was leaving work on a snowy night. I had a good job. My financial situation was stable. I was married - happily at the time - had a beautiful daughter that I adored, a job that was fullfilling and paid okay money, and lived in a nice house that was toasty and warm. I had quit smoking and was going to aerobics several times a week so I felt great physically. I got to my car and my car door was frozen shut. The only way I could get into the car was to open the hatch and crawl through the back. But I remember thinking how at another moment in time I would be cursing my situation and feeling sorry for myself for having to crawl through the car in a skirt. Instead I remember thinking that in light of everything in my life being so wonderful, that it really was not a big deal. I could laugh at the absurd place I found myself, enjoy the serenity of a fresh snowfall, the silence of a world fast asleep and the knowledge that in less than 10 minutes I'd be home and all was well.
I was right. That moment in my life was a happy time and I've had many ups and downs since then. It still seems strange to me now that I knew that was a great moment and I should savor the happiness and joy I felt.
And so it is now. I don't have a lot of free time right now but everything else in my life is better than I ever imagined and I'm hanging onto the goodness that I have. Someday I'll have nothing but time and I'll wish I could feel useful and productive again. Someday I'll have a mean boss who nitpicks and micromanages everything and I'll wish I had a nice boss who was happy I didn't kill my patient and leave it at that. Someday my body will break down and I'll wish I could just get up and do whatever I feel like doing for as long as I feel like doing it.
I'm tired, but I'm thankful.