The Space in Between
A few years ago I was feeling the tug to be spiritual. I went to a solstice celebration and the topic that day was "sacred space". They defined it as the pause between one thing and another. One metaphore they used was the time between inhaling right before you exhale is sacred space. It made me remember a radio essay I listened to about the importance of pausing. The person doing the essay is a rock climber and he talked about setting a pace for himself as he climbs that he calls the "pause pace". He says it goes "step-pause-step-pause" etc. and that for him the pause is as important as the step.
So I am now in my sacred space, the pause step. After a flury of activity from buying a house and making plans to travel to Ohio, I'm pausing to rest, regroup and to plan my next step. I finally completed all the paperwork to get my Ohio nursing license. Shew! It was intense. It probably wouldn't have been such an ordeal if I wasn't trying to do it at the same time I was closing on the house. But it's done and now when the time comes to try again in another state, I sort of know the drill.
I looked into using the travel division of the company I work for but it turns out it's a misnomer. The travel company has the same name as the company I work for, but it's an entirely different company. If I were to travel with them I have to resign from my company and go through the entire application process with them. That means losing my seniority and benefits and starting over, and the health insurance they have is crap. They even admitted that "it's not that great." I confirmed this with other travel nurses whose companies used their insurance and the consensus is that, yup, it's sucky insurance.
My boss has been looking into it also. She's interested in traveling too, but she is having some issues at home so she has postponed leaving for now. Meanwhile she's doing lots of homework and sharing what she learns with me. I'm playing my cards close to my chest though. I listen to what she says but don't say anything about my plans. I just have this feeling that if she knew I was actually acting on it that she could use it against me and have me fired. My gut says no, and I feel she is being real with me, but I've had things like this happen before. There were times I thought I could trust someone only to have them stab me in the back. Again, I really doubt it, but I don't want to take the chance.
Anyway she had sent me the name of the contact person and the forms that needed to be filled out for this travel company, and it turns out that those forms were the source of my computer virus a few weeks back. I found this out when I tried opening them again the other night and WHAM my computer was hit with the virus again. Fortunately I hadn't scanned in all my photos or ripped any of my music files yet, so nothing is lost really. Then yesterday I was chatting with her and she told me that one of the travel nurses on our team had signed on with this company, and today she is being evicted from her apartment because the company didn't pay her rent. So here she is in another state, far from home, having to scramble and use her own money to get an apartment.
Yep, that's an idea that is now sunk.
I did hear back from another travel company that said they would love to represent me but that they require a year of RN experience. Hm. I'm 9 months away from that, but at least it's something that's doable down the road. Meanwhile the original company I spoke to has stayed in contact with me, so I'm thinking they don't have the same requirement, but I could be wrong. It might also be that while they don't have that requirement, a potential assignment might. They might not be willing to let me work for them since I've only been an RN 3 months, in spite of having worked in dialysis 3 years. It could be something they pull out of their sleeve at the last minute, so I'm cautiously optimistic.
Last weekend I spent a day working in my old clinic. It wasn't nearly as bad as the last time I helped out. I didn't feel so beat up at the end of the day, but today I'm feeling it. Even though I make a gazillion dollars in overtime whenever I take on more work, it catches up with me in the end. I have that grinding exhaustion I had a couple of months ago. My body is letting me know I'm overdoing it. I'm on call today and it's a love/hate situation. I love the call pay, but I'm really hoping to just hang out at home tonight. I'm pooped.
The new house renovation is going along well - as far as I can tell. J is doing most of it. I was only there for a couple of hours one day to help pull the carpet strips up and pull tacks out of the wood. Of course I'll pay her for the work she's doing because she is saving me thousands of dollars in labor costs. Thankfully there isn't a lot that needs to be done. The house is only 3 years old and the bank had put in new appliances and fixtures before they put it on the market. It seems that once the original owners were evicted the home had been vandalized so the bank did what they could to make the house marketable. Thank heavens. Anyway in a few short weeks and it will be ready to rent.
So that's my life right now. I've had moments when I feel so sad because I really don't have any down time to do anything fun or to have a hobby. I have been reading a lot, which is nice, but I still feel a bit overwhelmed with responsibility, but I guess that's life. No time for beads. No time for bicycling. I want my life to be just a little less busy so I can fit those things in. I don't get on the Internet much these days because there are just so many other things I'd rather do. A few months back we got DVR with our cable company and I started taping Oprah. For a while I could spend a couple of hours catching up, but lately I'm almost a month behind. Wow. Again, I don't feel that watching a few hours of TV is the best use of my time when there are so many other things to do.
I have been joyfully wasting time reading Barbara Walters' book, "Audition". When I'm too tired for anything else, at least I can still read. Anyway the book is fabulous and I can't put it down.
It is wonderfully satisfying to see all the students going back to school and, for the first time in SEVEN years, I'm not among them. I still have to slap myself sometimes to realize that it's over and I'm finally a nurse. When I stop and think about how 2 years ago I was just starting nursing school, I can't believe how quickly it went. It didn't seem like it at the time of course, but I'm still amazed. Every so often I feel a tug to get back to the classroom, especially since my company has tuition assistance, but no. I really need to spend time having a real life, Whatever that is.