Launch Date is T Minus 13 Days
As the day approaches that I leave for my assignment, I feel myself getting more emotional and weepy. I have a little bit of anxiety that maybe I haven't done the right thing, that maybe I should have taken the clinic manager position, that maybe I should have tried harder to work the ICU at one of my favorite hospitals, or maybe just found a daytime dialysis job and been done with it. It doesn't help that within a week or two of my departure, the house will be finished and we'll be moving in. I will have a gorgeous dream house that I won't be living in. This is what I get for second guessing having just the two of us in a huge house. What was I thinking?
Then some things that happened that made me feel better about my choices.
1. One of my former coworkers had been offered the same clinic management job and it didn't go well. All the big promises they made about having meetings and mentors were broken systematically. She felt that she was thrown out there and left to drown and quickly resigned before they could fire her. So my suspicions were correct. They WERE planning to set me up to fail and then fire me.
2. I talked to a nurse who works in the ICU that I was planning on trying to get hired on to and she said she resigned and can't run away fast enough or far enough. She had major issues with management, patient care, safety, etc. Hmmm, all this sounds familiar. So it would have been all the problems I had with my current job wrapped up in new clothes.
So I feel that I dodged a bullet and I actually did do the right thing. Today, though, I feel overwhelmed with "stuff". I am working furiously to get all my credentials and paperwork in order to start my new job. I need to not only pack for my assignment, but I need to pack all my belongings for the move so that J won't have to deal with it while I'm gone. If that isn't enough, she is also entertaining a cousin from out of town. The cousin is no trouble and I'm enjoying her company. The problem is J feels compelled to entertain by running around doing things. For example, we're headed to New Orleans this weekend, then we're going to spend a day running around the museum district here, going for a dinner cruise, the ballet and a home and garden tour. I really, really, really would rather spend that time getting my self together for the big changes that are ahead.
*sigh*
I can see now that every day off I get at my new job will be spent driving back here to help with the move. I won't get to spend any time off doing what I want to do, not that there was much to do anyway, but I really had hoped to be able to wander around a state park or go horseback riding or something.
I am also overcome with the feeling that my life is going to change forever. I know it'll be great. I'm just feeling nostalgic and ruminating about the past few years, committing things to memory. Thankfully I also have this journal whenever I want to go back and make sure I've done the right thing. I am saddened that I had great hopes for when my kids came down to Texas and their situations haven't panned out all that well. I had such high hopes for them and it's hard for me to watch them continue to struggle, not exactly sure what I can or should do to help.
But deep down inside all this anxiety is a shining lot of happiness about being on my own and having the freedom to follow my own inclinations. I just know things I didn't know about myself will pop up and make me wonder why I didn't see them before.
I am very excited about that. Now if I can just get there it'll be great.
Then some things that happened that made me feel better about my choices.
1. One of my former coworkers had been offered the same clinic management job and it didn't go well. All the big promises they made about having meetings and mentors were broken systematically. She felt that she was thrown out there and left to drown and quickly resigned before they could fire her. So my suspicions were correct. They WERE planning to set me up to fail and then fire me.
2. I talked to a nurse who works in the ICU that I was planning on trying to get hired on to and she said she resigned and can't run away fast enough or far enough. She had major issues with management, patient care, safety, etc. Hmmm, all this sounds familiar. So it would have been all the problems I had with my current job wrapped up in new clothes.
So I feel that I dodged a bullet and I actually did do the right thing. Today, though, I feel overwhelmed with "stuff". I am working furiously to get all my credentials and paperwork in order to start my new job. I need to not only pack for my assignment, but I need to pack all my belongings for the move so that J won't have to deal with it while I'm gone. If that isn't enough, she is also entertaining a cousin from out of town. The cousin is no trouble and I'm enjoying her company. The problem is J feels compelled to entertain by running around doing things. For example, we're headed to New Orleans this weekend, then we're going to spend a day running around the museum district here, going for a dinner cruise, the ballet and a home and garden tour. I really, really, really would rather spend that time getting my self together for the big changes that are ahead.
*sigh*
I can see now that every day off I get at my new job will be spent driving back here to help with the move. I won't get to spend any time off doing what I want to do, not that there was much to do anyway, but I really had hoped to be able to wander around a state park or go horseback riding or something.
I am also overcome with the feeling that my life is going to change forever. I know it'll be great. I'm just feeling nostalgic and ruminating about the past few years, committing things to memory. Thankfully I also have this journal whenever I want to go back and make sure I've done the right thing. I am saddened that I had great hopes for when my kids came down to Texas and their situations haven't panned out all that well. I had such high hopes for them and it's hard for me to watch them continue to struggle, not exactly sure what I can or should do to help.
But deep down inside all this anxiety is a shining lot of happiness about being on my own and having the freedom to follow my own inclinations. I just know things I didn't know about myself will pop up and make me wonder why I didn't see them before.
I am very excited about that. Now if I can just get there it'll be great.