Down in front asshole?
Wow! What an incredible concert. Incubus and Muse are on the same level in regards to a transcendent performance.
FRIDAY:
School until five p.m., then ice skating --Praticed: Double soucow, and combination spin of a forward camel, to a forward sit, to a back sit, to an upright forward ---then exit. Very diffcult. side note: Gilbert said he saw a lot of improvement that evening.
"You've been figureskating for almost eight years, it's a waste of your time and money, give it up already..." --My Mother.
SATURDAY: (today)
Woke up at 8 a.m. ate breakfast. Went back to bed. Jim's house at 10 a.m. Went back to bed. Woke up at sometime before noon?? Was fully aware of what I needed to accomplish. Did not attend to any of the items.
AaroN called when Tim and I were driving to see Muse. He asked if I wanted to do something this evening, but of course I informed him I was seeing a concert. Without hesitation, I said, "It makes me happy to know I am your last option." Right AFTER he said, "None of my friends are home." (*Then later in the conversation he said, "I knew none of my friends were going to be home this weekend." ---Of course, my comment did not go over well. I realize my comment was uncalled for. However, it is a rarity that I see him on the weekends. --I discussed this with him on Friday afternoon. IF I happen to see him on a Saturday/Sunday night, I always ask, "So, who cancelled tonight?" He typcially responds, "Well, I was supposed to see Jess, or Heidi, or ::fill in name:: but, noone called back, or plans were not definite, or they cancelled."
So I guess this is how I feel (AT THIS MOMENT)
I know it might have been foolish on my behalf to bring up a subject that will more then likely never be modified based on the fact it's been the same routine for over two years. However,
It's like I'm some fucking begger pawing at his feet at times to try and coordinate our schedules. In addition to this, I sometimes question the dissimilar/unequal feelings towards the opposite parties presence--How it has progressed, and where it spiraled downward. Topics brought forth concerning unleashed feelings pertaining towards certain events/issues, personality alterations, and finally, the neverending racetrack. There are instants where I get ingested by the seemingly meaningless days, that I become an ungrateful human being who tries to compensate for that lost time. Except, when trying to express my gradtiude towards another indvidual, it erupts into a flaming debate that results in either persons feeling frustrated and/or confused. Sometimes, the inevitable wall continues to suffocate the underlying....problem?
That's not my intention. Nor was it ever. I have found it is very diffcult to rebuild a shattered mirror without revealing any cracks. This desperate cry/outreach makes me sick, and I find Radhika doing the same thing to me. While I in fact will not deny I portray the same trait(s), I seem to be more alert then she. But I don't think that's what I'm trying to say here. The perplexing question remains buried in the akwardness that arises from this "situation." How do I approach something that has already been discussed multiple times? Furthermore, how does one justify a repeated act that carries regret, sorrow and revenge behind it? They're blind to the fact that a trail of blood has been left behind for every blood sucking creature to savor.
I do not understand "it." ---Nor will I ever understand the motives of the people who commit this selfish act. If only feelings were brought forth sooner, maybe the inevitable would have been unheard of.
I'm very tired.
To sum up my thoughts in three sentences or less: Basically, everyone can go fuck themselves with thier woe is me bullshit that flows from thier mouths, (similiar to what I wrote above).
-----------------
FRIDAY:
School until five p.m., then ice skating --Praticed: Double soucow, and combination spin of a forward camel, to a forward sit, to a back sit, to an upright forward ---then exit. Very diffcult. side note: Gilbert said he saw a lot of improvement that evening.
"You've been figureskating for almost eight years, it's a waste of your time and money, give it up already..." --My Mother.
SATURDAY: (today)
Woke up at 8 a.m. ate breakfast. Went back to bed. Jim's house at 10 a.m. Went back to bed. Woke up at sometime before noon?? Was fully aware of what I needed to accomplish. Did not attend to any of the items.
AaroN called when Tim and I were driving to see Muse. He asked if I wanted to do something this evening, but of course I informed him I was seeing a concert. Without hesitation, I said, "It makes me happy to know I am your last option." Right AFTER he said, "None of my friends are home." (*Then later in the conversation he said, "I knew none of my friends were going to be home this weekend." ---Of course, my comment did not go over well. I realize my comment was uncalled for. However, it is a rarity that I see him on the weekends. --I discussed this with him on Friday afternoon. IF I happen to see him on a Saturday/Sunday night, I always ask, "So, who cancelled tonight?" He typcially responds, "Well, I was supposed to see Jess, or Heidi, or ::fill in name:: but, noone called back, or plans were not definite, or they cancelled."
So I guess this is how I feel (AT THIS MOMENT)
I know it might have been foolish on my behalf to bring up a subject that will more then likely never be modified based on the fact it's been the same routine for over two years. However,
It's like I'm some fucking begger pawing at his feet at times to try and coordinate our schedules. In addition to this, I sometimes question the dissimilar/unequal feelings towards the opposite parties presence--How it has progressed, and where it spiraled downward. Topics brought forth concerning unleashed feelings pertaining towards certain events/issues, personality alterations, and finally, the neverending racetrack. There are instants where I get ingested by the seemingly meaningless days, that I become an ungrateful human being who tries to compensate for that lost time. Except, when trying to express my gradtiude towards another indvidual, it erupts into a flaming debate that results in either persons feeling frustrated and/or confused. Sometimes, the inevitable wall continues to suffocate the underlying....problem?
That's not my intention. Nor was it ever. I have found it is very diffcult to rebuild a shattered mirror without revealing any cracks. This desperate cry/outreach makes me sick, and I find Radhika doing the same thing to me. While I in fact will not deny I portray the same trait(s), I seem to be more alert then she. But I don't think that's what I'm trying to say here. The perplexing question remains buried in the akwardness that arises from this "situation." How do I approach something that has already been discussed multiple times? Furthermore, how does one justify a repeated act that carries regret, sorrow and revenge behind it? They're blind to the fact that a trail of blood has been left behind for every blood sucking creature to savor.
I do not understand "it." ---Nor will I ever understand the motives of the people who commit this selfish act. If only feelings were brought forth sooner, maybe the inevitable would have been unheard of.
I'm very tired.
To sum up my thoughts in three sentences or less: Basically, everyone can go fuck themselves with thier woe is me bullshit that flows from thier mouths, (similiar to what I wrote above).
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