My life Update
Good Morning All. I know I am very happy that today is Friday. How about all of you.
The last week has been so intense. I am not sure where to even begin.
First, let's talk about counseling. I love my counselor. I am not very religious, but I feel like God sent her to me. She is incredible. I walk away from every session feeling wonderful. I feel like each session is extremely helpful and brings more clarity to my life. I love that she does what is best for me and doesn't worry about what other people think or how it might look. She gave me a test at my last session and told me that she feels like I have PTSD. Big surprise. At times I had wondered if I might be bi-polar. But PTSD actually makes a lot of sense to me. I do have some really major triggers and a lot of them have been pushed lately. She also gave me a great idea on how to express my anger. The other day I cut myself again out of frustration with all of the emotions I was having and what I was having to deal with at the moment. She suggested that I go to Goodwill and buy some really cheap dishes. And when I am upset and need to burn off steam, to go out into the shop with these dishes and smash them. Throw them against the wall....break them..what ever it takes. Just to do it in a safe environment. I am so EXCITED about the idea. I have wanted to break things so many times when I am mad. Now I have a means of doing that in a proper way.
I am still not living at my "house". I have decided that my marriage is over. It is hard to fix something that was never good. I am going to fill out the paperwork this weekend to get a legal separation. I need to move on with my life. I do have to go in this weekend (if I can get access...he changed the locks on the house so I have to ask permission to get into my own house). I hate packing, so I am not looking forward to this at all. I don't have any boxes together and have a lot of shit to go through. I just talked to my "husbands" mom and he does not want to give me access to the house this weekend. Whatever. I guess it can wait one more week. I have a lot of paperwork to fill out anyways. I was hoping to meet the realtor at the house on Saturday so that we could get it on the market asap.
I found out yesterday that my "husband" received a certified letter from the sheriffs office and they have revoked his concealed weapons permit and he will never be able to get it again. Oh man, I can just imagine how pissed off he is about that. But that is what happens when you load a handgun and hand it to your wife in the middle of an argument and tell her to just finish you off. His behavior has caused that to happen. I just reported to the police the truth about the incident. Hell, they kept asking me if he made me feel threatened for my life. I could have had his ass thrown into jail. But I didn't.
I am thinking about applying for a new job. The one I have now just does nothing for me. It is actually rather depressing and not challenging in the least bit. I need something that makes my mind work. And I don't want to work in Creswell anymore.
It looks like I will be moving to Eugene very soon. When the house sells, I will need to move the kids to a new school. I had always had dreams of my kids getting to attend the same school for 12 years. I guess that dream is now down the tubes. I need to look at the positives and what a larger school can offer my children. And the daycare options in town are so much better. And their safety and happiness is my main concern.
The kids and myself are still living with my boyfriend and his wife. They have had some huge fights this last week. He has been out of love with her for a long time. It looks like they are going to call it quits. I do believe that the 5 of us are still going to live together out of financial need. We just need to set some guidelines so that we all can live in peace. I do love my boyfriend very much. My counselor actually thinks he is good for me and encourages me to keep him in my life. To not rush into anything permanent and to keep my eyes open..but to continue the relationship I have with him.
Well, the school just called and my 5 year old is sick. So I need to go pick her up and bring her to work with me. Joyous. I am not in the mood for this today.
The last week has been so intense. I am not sure where to even begin.
First, let's talk about counseling. I love my counselor. I am not very religious, but I feel like God sent her to me. She is incredible. I walk away from every session feeling wonderful. I feel like each session is extremely helpful and brings more clarity to my life. I love that she does what is best for me and doesn't worry about what other people think or how it might look. She gave me a test at my last session and told me that she feels like I have PTSD. Big surprise. At times I had wondered if I might be bi-polar. But PTSD actually makes a lot of sense to me. I do have some really major triggers and a lot of them have been pushed lately. She also gave me a great idea on how to express my anger. The other day I cut myself again out of frustration with all of the emotions I was having and what I was having to deal with at the moment. She suggested that I go to Goodwill and buy some really cheap dishes. And when I am upset and need to burn off steam, to go out into the shop with these dishes and smash them. Throw them against the wall....break them..what ever it takes. Just to do it in a safe environment. I am so EXCITED about the idea. I have wanted to break things so many times when I am mad. Now I have a means of doing that in a proper way.
I am still not living at my "house". I have decided that my marriage is over. It is hard to fix something that was never good. I am going to fill out the paperwork this weekend to get a legal separation. I need to move on with my life. I do have to go in this weekend (if I can get access...he changed the locks on the house so I have to ask permission to get into my own house). I hate packing, so I am not looking forward to this at all. I don't have any boxes together and have a lot of shit to go through. I just talked to my "husbands" mom and he does not want to give me access to the house this weekend. Whatever. I guess it can wait one more week. I have a lot of paperwork to fill out anyways. I was hoping to meet the realtor at the house on Saturday so that we could get it on the market asap.
I found out yesterday that my "husband" received a certified letter from the sheriffs office and they have revoked his concealed weapons permit and he will never be able to get it again. Oh man, I can just imagine how pissed off he is about that. But that is what happens when you load a handgun and hand it to your wife in the middle of an argument and tell her to just finish you off. His behavior has caused that to happen. I just reported to the police the truth about the incident. Hell, they kept asking me if he made me feel threatened for my life. I could have had his ass thrown into jail. But I didn't.
I am thinking about applying for a new job. The one I have now just does nothing for me. It is actually rather depressing and not challenging in the least bit. I need something that makes my mind work. And I don't want to work in Creswell anymore.
It looks like I will be moving to Eugene very soon. When the house sells, I will need to move the kids to a new school. I had always had dreams of my kids getting to attend the same school for 12 years. I guess that dream is now down the tubes. I need to look at the positives and what a larger school can offer my children. And the daycare options in town are so much better. And their safety and happiness is my main concern.
The kids and myself are still living with my boyfriend and his wife. They have had some huge fights this last week. He has been out of love with her for a long time. It looks like they are going to call it quits. I do believe that the 5 of us are still going to live together out of financial need. We just need to set some guidelines so that we all can live in peace. I do love my boyfriend very much. My counselor actually thinks he is good for me and encourages me to keep him in my life. To not rush into anything permanent and to keep my eyes open..but to continue the relationship I have with him.
Well, the school just called and my 5 year old is sick. So I need to go pick her up and bring her to work with me. Joyous. I am not in the mood for this today.